Nobody ever said marriage would be easy. In fact, they probably told you the opposite but you didn’t take much notice at the time, in the throes romance. Then, years later, between work schedules, children, and limited downtime, you remember what that person said to you long ago and realize that maybe they were right.
Luckily, the fact that marriage can be laborious at times is only half the story. The rest of the story is about the skills, strategies, and techniques you can learn and employ in your life to bring about the happy bubble marriage you dreamed of. Almost every problem within a marriage partnership comes down to communication in some form and of understanding each other.
This can be challenging. It’s hard enough to understand ourselves sometimes. But the more we communicate and realize where our spouse is coming from, the better we can make decisions that will promote the wellbeing of our marriages. We take a look at some communication strategies in this article and show you where to go for more super tips.
Commitment is another fundamental if married life that can lead to many issues and end in divorce a lot of the time because partners don’t understand the underlying concept or aren’t willing to pick up the tools and use them when they are in front of them. In negative mental spaces, our fight or flight response kicks in and we want to get away. But with a bit of effort and communication, the year can be repaired and the relationship will be stronger for it.
Communication
Communication is massively important to maintaining a healthy prosperous marriage partnership. It’s a broad topic: there’s everyday communication, communication for conflicts, as well as how to talk openly about what’s really going on. There are many techniques, strategies, and skills for doing this well but so many of us neglect these vital channels. Sometimes to the brink of divorce.
For a marriage partnership to stay healthy we need to first of all commit to communicating with each other. This is a decision to make the relationship an important feature of our lives. We decide not to take it for granted and instead to work at it regularly so that it can thrive. This is the same for anything, whether you are looking after a houseplant, a pet, or raising a child.
Make thirty minutes everyday where you put your devices away and concentrate solely on each other.
One way to think about this is a daily check-in. A little bit like writing in your diary, but it’s face-to-face communication with your partner. If you talk about the small things that are going on for you regularly, good and bad, you will be opening up an important channel of communication with your spouse and learning how to communicate at the same time.
If things start to go downhill and you find yourself in a debate or argument there are lots of ways to manage these crises. First of all try to understand what your spouse is saying, where they are coming from. Understanding is a form of love. Notice when you’re being reactive and try to be creative instead.
Commitment
We’ve all had that thought at some point, perhaps after a big fight, or when we have to compromise something we love doing for the sake of a marital commitment. Maybe I would be better off one my own, living the single life.
I could do the things that I want when I want and not have these limits placed on me. It’s an easy mindset to slip into but it can do a lot of harm. Not just to your own stress levels but also to the success of your marriage.
Entertaining these ideas, even if it is only in your own private quarters can put a massive strain on your marriage, firstly by sending the wrong unconscious signals to your partner and secondly, by increasing the likelihood of a breakup when things get heated.
The marriage has to be a team effort, with both spouses on the same page. You wouldn’t walk off the field of play because you were a few points behind. It’s the same thing here. You’ve got to be in it and play to the final whistle whatever the score is.
Easier said than done, right?
Yeah, maybe, but it’s better to be playing the game than walking away from it in another direction in a kind of huff. Make a commitment to yourself that divorce is not an option. Deciding this will prevent you from wasting energy, thinking about it, and rechannel the effort into discovering strategies to solve the issues.
Your marriage will be stronger after resolving an issue and you will quickly return to feeling happy within it. If things do go south, you can find a family divorce lawyer at cramercramer.com.
Expectations
Nobody’s perfect, and we could all be better human beings. This is important to keep in mind in a marriage especially when we feel disappointed or let down. Learning to manage our marital expectations can take a while, it’s a kind of see-saw until we get things nice and balanced.
Marital expectations cover all sorts of areas from sex to mental and emotional well being, chores, having children, finances. The list goes on.
The fact is we are all unique individuals who have our own thoughts, feelings, and mental processes. Quite naturally, we fix an expectation in our minds which usually comes into conflict with our spouse, who has a separate ‘fixed idea’ theirs. Knowing that this process is happening is half the battle.
From there you build strategies to manage expectations and reduce conflicts.
Take some time to reflect on what your expectations are for your marriage and your life. You can journal about this if you’re interested in exploring how to bring balance and quality to your married life. Separate your journal into different sections. They can be headed things like: sex, family, chores, finances, space etc.
Find out what your expectations are in each area, then discuss them with your spouse. Top tip, don’t discuss everything all at once.
Forgiveness And Freedom
Many marriages fall apart because a grudge is held by one against the other. It could be something from the past that is not properly resolved and ends up being eaten away at the quality of your relationship, or it could be something else, such as jealousy – which is common. This resentment and contempt for your partner can destroy your relationship from the inside and is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
What’s the solution? Firstly communication. It might seem hard but it’s really the only way. You need to bring those difficult issues up and address them together – don’t expect it to be easy, but do expect it to be healing. Be honest with your spouse but also be ready to forgive, and easily. It may have been a hard thing to talk about for them, so bear that in mind even if it does adversely affect you.
A healthy marriage consists of two people working together symbiotically, with respect and understanding. Even though you are in a dedicated relationship you are still unique individuals who require autonomy and freedom. Don’t monitor or try to control each other, this can lead to resentment and conflict that sets you on the downward spiral to divorce. Many marriages end in this way after some punishing years – don’t let it be yours, have the power to transform things at any time.
The Fun Stuff
A marriage is a love bond between two human beings. The two become one. Think of the one as a being itself that needs to be nurtured and taken care of in the same ways as an individual does. Sure, it’s a bigger task, a bit more complex, but it’s the key to creating a happy bubble of a marriage.
The marriage is based on romance and love so don’t let that dry up like the soil in your house plant and begin to wither.
It’s easy to fall into habitual patterns as a married couple and forget the important reasons you are together, like how you felt on your first date, the shared holidays, the rough times, and the laughter. Make a point of having a date night once a week. Prepare for it the way you would if you were single.
Live in the moment and enjoy each other. This simple, enjoyable, weekly event will lead to a happier, more fulfilled marriage.
Just as it’s important to make time to spend with each other it’s also important to make time to spend apart. Space from each other is very beneficial to our mental and emotional wellbeing.
Sometimes we need a bit of time for ourselves to have a night out or pursue an interest.
This needs to be supported. Offer to watch the kids if your spouse wants to meet with friends, or runs errands to give them more time to get ready. Getting the balance right takes time but it pays off.
