A Bondage Guide for Novices: How to Go Kinky Safely


Are you less than thrilled with how things are going between the sheets with your partner? You’re not alone. Around 1/3 of Americans admit that they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. 

One way to bring some spice back into the bedroom is to explore different kinks to see what you may be missing. Exploring the world of BDSM, for example, can be a fun, new way to connect with your partner and enhance your sex life. 

Not sure how to get started? You’ve come to the right place. Read through this bondage guide to learn everything you need to know about BDSM safety and how to have more fun in the bedroom. 

Talk to Your Partner

The first thing to remember is that BDSM isn’t for everyone. Before you start to explore bondage, you need to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. 

This applies whether you’ve been in a 10-year relationship or you’re trying out bondage with someone new. That’s because the key to bondage safety is to only practice it with someone you trust. And, you can’t fully trust someone with this new exploration until you’re both on the same page about what to expect. 

When you have the initial conversation about exploring bondage together, talk about some things you’re both interested in trying and what you’re not interested in doing. 

Explore the Different Types of Bondage

Bondage goes beyond just using handcuffs. Before you can really know what you want to try, you’ll need to learn more about what’s out there!

If bondage is new for both you and your partner, you might sit down together with a glass of wine and learn more about the different types of bondage. 

You might decide that you’re only comfortable with sensory deprivation or facial bondage. Or, you might learn that you’re both interested in the Japanese form of bondage known as shibari. Exploring your options together is all part of the fun. 

Set Limits

When you’re first starting out, you and your partner should decide on any limitations that will help you feel more comfortable. When talking these through, consider any physical or mental health conditions that could be amplified during BDSM acts. 

You should also talk about anything that’s absolutely off-limits for either of you. Then, stick to them, no matter what. 

Choose a Safe Word

The whole point of bondage is to have a sexy and fun time with your partner, that you both enjoy. When it stops being fun for either of you, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate. 

If you or your partner become uncomfortable at any point, the best way to communicate that is through the use of a safe word that you agree upon ahead of time. 

Choose a word that’s nonsexual and that wouldn’t typically come up during the course of your sexual play. If your bondage includes mouth restrictions like a ball gag, then make sure you come up with a safe signal as well. 

Start Slow

There’s plenty of fun to explore in the world of bondage, but you don’t have to try it all at once. We recommend taking it slow as you start out and working your way up to more advanced forms of bondage as you go. 

For example, you might first start by learning a few simple knots and stopping there. You should also keep your first bondage session no more than 30 minutes long. 

If it’s something you and your partner are both enjoying, you can always go longer next time!

Shop for Bondage Items Together

When you’re first getting started with bondage, you can look for items around your home to use. However, it can be a lot more fun when you explore different items to take your experience to the next level. 

Grab your partner and visit a store like The Hot Spot to pick out items you both want to try. Shopping either in-store or online is also a great way to learn about new bondage experiences, so have fun and be open-minded as you shop.

Avoid Alcohol

When you’re new to bondage, you might be tempted to down some liquid courage before getting started. However, you should avoid alcohol to make sure you and your partner stay safe.

If you’re drunk, you run the risk of not being able to express when you’re uncomfortable or not listening to your partner if they want to stop.

As a good rule of thumb, if you’re too drunk to drive, you’re too drunk to practice bondage. 

Don’t Neglect Aftercare

As soon as you and your partner are finished, it’s time to shift into aftercare mode. If you’re the one who did the binding, talk to your partner to find out what they need from you. They may need water, they may want to be left alone, or they may want affection from you. It varies for each person. 

If you’re the one who was bound, make sure you clearly communicate with your partner about what you need during aftercare as well. Aftercare is a critical part of bondage, so don’t ignore it. 

Keep Open Communication

After your first bondage experience, talk to your partner again to check-in. What did they like? Did anything make them uncomfortable? Is there something new they want to try next time?

Keep your lines of communication open so you can continue exploring together to find what works for both of you. You’ll both be happier (and more satisfied!) as a result. 

A Bondage Guide for Beginners

Now that you’ve read through our bondage guide, you’re ready to start exploring this exciting new world of pleasure. Make sure you show this beginner’s guide to bondage to your partner as well, so you’re on the same page. Then, you’ll be ready for the fun to begin. 

For more lifestyle and relationship tips, read through our other articles before you go!

Jeff Campbell

Jeff Campbell is a husband, father, martial artist, budget-master, Disney-addict, musician, and recovering foodie having spent over 2 decades as a leader for Whole Foods Market. Click to learn more about me

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