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Getting Back Out – Dating After a Breakup

How do you prepare for a first date after a breakup?

Nowadays, the internet is an integral part of our love life, regardless of how much we try to deny it. Most people will meet online, whether on a dating app or a social platform. We also rely on the internet to communicate and connect with our loved ones, with text messages or video calls.

However, if you’re nursing a heartbreak, the dating scene might be chaotic and confusing. So how long should you wait before you start dating again? Normally, this is dictated by the emotional stability of an individual. It is also dependent on the reason you broke up with your partner.

Here are common reasons why relationships end.

1.    Sexual Incompatibility

We can all agree that sex is a very important aspect of a romantic relationship. But if both of you can’t agree on how much sex is enough sex, then it becomes a problem. Unmatched sexual desire often leads to reduced intimacy, even outside the bedroom. For some, having sex five days a week is satisfactory, while their partner might find it a tad too much.

It is crucial to settle with someone who matches your sexual energy through the years; otherwise, you might start drifting from each other.

2.    Money Issues

Being broke is usually not the problem in most situations. It all goes down to how the money is spent. That’s why even wealthy couples might fight over finances.

One partner might be too controlling and rigid, while the other is a spendthrift.

As long as you have differing views on how money should be spent, your relationship will always be on the verge of crumbling.

3.    Ill Communication

If your relationship is going to survive, you must always be willing to talk to your partners, even about uncomfortable topics. Keeping your channels of communication open allows the both of you to change and grow into better people and partners while you are together. However, shutting out your partner makes it impossible to be close to them, thus ruining and possibly ending your relationship.

In addition, communication without compromise is almost always ineffective. You must learn to accommodate your partner’s needs just as they do yours. Finding that balance ensures that neither of you gets drained by the relationship.

4.    Cheating

Most relationships don’t survive an infidelity incident. Even if they do, it’s not always the same. It dents the relationship by introducing trust issues and insecurity.

Other than shaky morals, some people cheat because they are still struggling with their identity and sexuality. A common example is married men cheating with other men or a wife who cheats with a best friend. While this is still cheating and might cause pain to the partners, it is important to have this conversation and be supportive.

Otherwise, cheating is disgraceful and shows a lack of respect for your partner and relationship.

5.    Not Enough in Common

It is important to spend time with your partner doing something you both love and enjoy. It will help you grow closer.

During the pandemic lockdown, a lot of couples broke up because they had nothing in common with their partners. They were just too busy to notice.

6.    Transitions

Certain situations in life may drive you apart. For instance, losing a child or a sudden long-distance work arrangement. While some of these issues seem minute, they might eat away at your bond over time. So, if you’re expecting certain life-changing situations, talk to your partner. Ignoring your emotions during such a time might also affect your relationship later on.

There are other reasons why people break up, and they might also affect your transition into the single and dating life. Even though it might be difficult, you can still find a partner, even if you’re from a long-term relationship.

However, it’s crucial to let your body and mind heal before getting back to dating after a breakup.

Here are a few things you can try when nursing a breakup.

      I.        What to do when Nursing a Breakup

    II.        Get Social

When dealing with a breakup, staying connected to your social side is very important. Say yes to invitations, go clubbing, go to the beach, or even host parties. Not only do you make new friends and enlarge your circles, but you also get a constant reminder that you are not alone or dependent on your partner. Extending your friendship circle during a breakup allows you to remain occupied and away from your ex.

Getting on dating apps will help you get your groove back, and you can also learn a thing or two about flirting. Apps such as Taimi dating offer you a space to interact on a platonic level, but you can also switch it up if you are ready for more.

   III.        Eat Healthy and Exercise

Most people will indulge in food and screen time to cope with their emotions. While this might be okay for a day or two, it will start to toll on your body. Gaining weight might plunge you deeper into sadness, and you get looped into this lifestyle. So instead, take time and make your own meals.

Include exercise or yoga in your schedule. This is a good way to relieve your stress and keep you in shape. As you’ll figure out, it is hard to stay hard, sad, or mad when working out.

  IV.        Cut off Contact with Your Ex

While this might seem a little extreme, it is necessary to cut off contact with your ex. This way, you won’t obsess over your phone, hoping they are going to reach out sometime. In addition, it will prevent you from stalking them on every social media handle.

Blocking your exes will shield you from negative reactions, especially if they start posting pictures with other people. You also don’t have to keep posting stuff to prove that you are happy.

    V.        Self-Care

It is very essential to take care of yourself when you’re nursing a heartbreak. Take a long bath, shave your legs, paint your nails, and do your hair. Make an effort to look good all the time because looking good will make you feel good.

  VI.        Getting Back into the Game

When dealing with a breakup, your friends will constantly try to push you back into the dating scene. While they are working with good intentions, don’t feel pressured to start dating again. At this point, you are figuring out how soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup, and you’re still nursing your emotions. So, how long should it take you to get back into the dating field?

While this will depend on how well you handle your emotions, you are advised to wait at least three months. Take some time and reflect on your personal growth in your past relationships. This is a good gauge of your ability to foster new, healthy relationships. But how do you know you are ready to try again? Here are a few indicators that you are ready for dating after a breakup.

      i.        You Have Your Own Friends, Hobbies, and Life Goals

When dealing with heartbreak, it is essential to focus on reconnecting to yourself. This way, you don’t get to depend on your partner for constant assurance.

In addition, having your own hobbies and friends will ensure you retain a portion of yourself, even when you are in a committed relationship. Remember, your happiness is not dependent on your partner or your relationship. They only supplement it.

Unless you can find a way to be and remain happy, steer clear away from relationships.

    ii.        You Have Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Although time heals everything, you should be able to cope with negative emotions without hurting yourself or others. How you heal after your breakup weighs heavily on the coping mechanisms you adopt with stress.

Suppose you went to therapy, took care of yourself, or reconnected with your friends. In that case, you are more likely to cope better if your relationship hits a rocky patch.

However, suppose you think relationships are a way to escape loneliness. In that case, you still need time to heal and work through your emotions. Otherwise, you’ll only transfer baggage from one relationship to the next.

   iii.        You No Longer Compare Potential Partners to Your Exes

If you find yourself always comparing your dates to your exes, please take some more time away from dating. Whether you’re doing this subconsciously or intentionally, constantly comparing your partners takes away from a potentially healthy relationship.

So, if you find yourself looking for your ex on your date, it is a sign that you are not ready yet.

   iv.        You Have Positive and Negative Takeaways from Your Previous Relationship

Regardless of how perfect your relationship is, there will always be stuff that requires working on. So even if it does not work out, there are certain things you wouldn’t miss.

If you try to justify everything in your relationship when you reflect on it, then perhaps you shouldn’t start dating yet. However, being able to list the pros and cons allows you to set clearer dating goals, and you can avoid unhealthy or toxic patterns you missed the first time.

If you’re having trouble being objective, make a list of a few exes and name five domineering emotions you felt while together. It’s easier to break a pattern if you can map it out. In addition, you are setting yourself up to be a better decision-maker in the future, thus making you a proactive partner. You can set clear and intentional dating goals and be more assertive when setting your boundaries.

 VII.        Conclusion

If you feel you are ready to start dating after a breakup, it is important to set goals. What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to date? You should be brave enough to date a person you like and who aligns with your values, but you should also be brave enough to say no to people who don’t align with your values.


Jeff Campbell