Is spending time with your spouse beginning to feel like a chore? The initial adrenaline rush wears off; that’s perfectly normal. However, we shouldn’t settle for the other extreme either.
Is this as good as it gets? Am I missing out on something (someone) better? These are questions we ask ourselves when our marriage has gotten boring. It’s important to act before your marriage hits rock bottom. Boredom isn’t just boredom. It can lead to ways of escaping, such as infidelity or, ultimately, divorce.
Don’t look for a way out and don’t panic. It’s possible to build a brand new marriage from within. Here are 9 things to do to get started.
1. Address Personal Issues
Another common cause of marital problems are pent-up personal issues. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean going to therapy. If you’ve been avoiding a problem like depression or you’ve been struggling with anxiety, you need to face it.
You might have started to feel that getting married was a mistake. It wasn’t. You just need to think back to why you decided to in the first place. Once you release the negative emotion, you’ll find it has done wonders for your relationship.
2. Reminisce Together
In line with the suggestion of looking back, it can help to walk down memory lane once in a while. You can think of things you used to love doing together or places you enjoyed visiting – bars, hiking trails, etc. By going back to those positive experiences, you’ll relive the memories in your heart and soul and your marriage will be all the better for it.
3. Change Things Up
Getting stuck in a rut is common after you’ve been together for some years. If you stay in almost every night, try going out once in a while, or vice versa. Work on DIY home improvement together or go for walks after dinner rather than overeat and doze off in front of the TV. It will be good for your health too.
Do something you always talked about doing, but never did, or something you used to love doing with your spouse, but haven’t in some time. This is a good way to reignite the spark. There are endless ways to keep a relationship interesting. Spouses who share exciting new experiences are not as likely to lose interest in each other, research shows.
4. Spice up Your sex Life
Sex is more than an element of marriage. It can break it. Any marriage will suffer from lack of intimacy. It’s always a good idea to keep things fresh so sex is something you look forward to rather than a chore that’s best avoided.
Talk to your spouse about secret wishes and ways to spice things up.
Share any needs you may have for positions, foreplay, or setting the mood with candles, mirrors, oil, or music. Don’t be anxious. Maybe you have a fetish that you’re too shy to talk to them about. Maybe anal sex is something you’ve been avoiding or neglecting, which you shouldn’t.
If it’s something you enjoy, you might consider new lubricant or a butt plug, both of which you can get from Hotcherry.com. They have a large assortment of items that could pique your interest and restore the passion in your marriage.
5. Make Eye Contact
You’d be surprised how often married couples stop making eye contact. They shouldn’t because it’s vital for relationships. It’s an essential form on nonverbal communication which not only allows people to see each other clearly, but also shows a partner that you care about them and are attentive to their needs. Everyday distractions discourage eye contact and spouses lose their connection as a result. Making an effort to look them in the eye is a nice reminder of your intimate connection.
6. Try to see Your Marriage in a new Light
It can help to change your perspective of your marriage. If you feel it’s gotten boring, try to see this as a sign of safety and security, of companionate rather than passionate love.
Companionship is anything but dull and negative. If you’re able to see things differently, the feeling of boredom can turn into one of attachment and deeper intimacy in your marriage. Once you start seeing things in a new light, you’ll begin to develop a sense of comfort and togetherness.
7. Take a Class Together
Talk about shared interests and take a class together. Couples have been known to bond at shooting or archery ranges. You can take a home improvement class or a cooking class.
Ideally, pick something practical and useful that you can continue doing together after finishing the class. Apart from the practicality of a new skill, it’ll also be a way to spend time with them. What’s more, learning a new skill is exciting and stimulating. It generates positive sensations, which are doubled when you share them with your partner. The skill can develop into a pastime or hobby and become a highly rewarding experience.
8. Show Love
Showing appreciation and love can restore positivity to your relationship. Take time to talk about the good things in your marriage. This will draw attention away from the negative, including the boredom. Make it a point of saying something nice to them every day. It will work miracles.
9. Stay Positive
This is similar to the previous tip, but not quite the same. Family therapists recommend a technique called “flooding”, which is where you literally bombard your partner with admiration and positive affirmations.
Think about some qualities, behaviors, and physical features of theirs that you love. They can do the same for you. Then, sit down and share them with each other. This practice can transform the energy in your home. Each partner feels cherished and appreciated and this impacts the relationship in a highly positive manner.
We hope this post was helpful and wish you luck overcoming the boredom. If you feel your marriage has hit rock bottom regardless, here are some tips to save it. They’re guaranteed to work.