19 Proven Ways to Deal With a Crazy Wife (That Really Work!)


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Nothing is more frustrating in a marriage than a spouse whose behavior is wild and unpredictable. Coping with a crazy wife can be difficult, but it is possible with the right help. In this article, we’ll learn more about how to deal with a crazy wife.

Deal with a mentally unstable wife by offering love, support, and patience and avoiding calling them crazy. Also, don’t take their behavior personally, but do encourage them to seek professional help. Within that though, set clear and healthy boundaries with specific consequences if she crosses them.

Absolutely nothing is predictable in marriage – not even mental health.

However, if a situation ever occurs, handling things by yourself first seems like a good idea. It doesn’t always guarantee that it would solve the problem, but it would save your marriage at least.

If you have a hard time in your marriage because your wife has psychological issues, you don’t have to get worked up about it. You could still be supportive even if she hasn’t been officially diagnosed.

You CAN save your marriage — even if your wife seems unstable.

I’ve been in your shoes. You want to stop hurting. And you desperately want to restore trust, mutual acceptance, and respect to your marriage; even if you’re fighting more and more frequently.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure.

The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:

“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

Here are 19 proven ways to manage the situation and live happily together.

1. Understand Her Condition

The first step to caring for your wife with signs of bipolar disorder or other mental illnesses is understanding her condition. You cannot care for someone if you don’t know what’s wrong with them.

You can look up signs online and determine whether the situation is mild or severe. Depending on the information you find while considering your spouse’s behavior, you can figure out what to do.

If it is mild, you can take care of her by yourself.

But if her condition is undiagnosed and you just suspect it, that does make it harder. If she is actively going to therapy, that is a good sign.

If she isn’t, consider going yourself as that might encourage her to also go without your having to ask her to (which she might see as controlling or insulting).

Do you think your marriage might really be over?

Check out this recent article on the signs of a marriage that is actually beyond saving, including the 1 sign it’s totally done.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

2. Identify Triggers

Identifying triggers is the best way to approach the whole thing if your wife has a mild personality disorder. Usually, there is an underlying cause, and it is your job to find out.

Some people might have suffered physical or sexual abuse growing up. For others, it could be that there is a history of mental illness or addiction in their family.

Finding the cause of the situation is paramount. That way, you might be able to set boundaries or ground rules. But you can also better understand what things you may be doing that trigger manic episodes.

3. Have Open Communication

After identifying your wife’s behavior and understanding the triggers, the next step is communicating openly. Good communication skills go a long way to ensure you don’t have marital problems.

You might be walking on eggshells if you don’t. Sometimes, what you do might be one of your partner’s triggers.

For instance, for someone who suffered emotional abuse and told you about it, you should know never to speak harsh words to them.

And while trying to have open communication, ensure you don’t take the place of a therapist. She needs to understand that you only want to know how to help her manage the condition.

4. Ask Questions Instead of Making Statements

While you have an honest conversation, make sure you ask questions.

It helps you understand your spouse’s condition more and shows that you are supportive. It is, however, best if you go easy with the questions. You don’t want to ask anything that would upset your partner further.

Questions get them talking and show you are taking an active interest in them. When you make statements, they can come off as critical, controlling, or belittling.

5. Validate Her Feelings

Nothing upsets a woman more than someone invalidating her feelings. In fact, it could be the primary reason for your wife’s crazy behavior.

If you’ve discovered that your wife has a mental health issue, that isn’t the time to be judgmental. That moment is when she needs you the most to be understanding and supportive.

You can start by acknowledging her feelings, even if you disagree. And if you do have to say your own side of the story, do it at a later time when she is calm.

Ultimately, guys can’t win an argument with a woman.

Women react to how things and situations make them feel. Guys come at things with logic and reason. You will never alter how she feels about you or a situation by giving her a logical list of reasons why she is wrong.

That will only escalate the situation. Instead, listen without just waiting your turn to talk or trying to “fix” her problem. Then repeat back a few things she says so you know you really understand. Ask questions about things you are unsure of.

Once she feels heard, understood, and validated, her mood will brighten and her energy will be less aggressive. But it has to start with you really listening and not trying to argue back.

Have you noticed how bad it is when your wife gets angry? 

It can get worse if you don’t become consciously aware of her triggers and actively work to figure out what the underlying causes are.

Read this recent article to see what some of those causes are, including the 1 thing you’re probably doing that you absolutely need to stop doing.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

6. Show Mutual Respect

Most times, one of the reasons people get depressed or develop mental issues is not being understood or respected.

In fact, 99% of the time, when a woman is mad, shut down, or not interested in sex, it’s because she doesn’t feel heard and understood.

It could have started as something small but became a severe problem because of repeated actions. However, you can avoid this erratic behavior by showing your spouse mutual respect and setting healthy boundaries.

If you do this, you might just avoid several problems in the long run. As a matter of fact, you will find a middle ground together to co-exist with the condition.

You may find your marriage slowly eroding. If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

7. Suggest Your Spouse Join a Support Group

One of the best solutions for someone displaying signs of mental instability is encouraging her to join a support program.

A support group aims to have people of similar situations come together to become better people. It often requires commitment and dedication, and the person should get better in the long run.

You can register your wife into one of these programs. She would understand that you are only trying to help her. You could even attend sessions with her.

Now, this really only works if she has been properly diagnosed with a specific condition.

If she hasn’t been diagnosed, and especially if she doesn’t think she has a mental health condition, your suggestion will likely backfire.

In that case, consider joining one yourself for spouses of mentally ill people.

8. Spend Quality Time Together

If your spouse suffers from depression, you must spend a lot of time together.

You don’t want them slipping into this state because they are lonely or feeling that you hardly have time for them. It would help if you spent quality time doing interesting things together.

This simple act might give them hope or elevate their mood. It would also help you work through your differences and focus on building your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be every day, but the little time you do, make it count.

9. Engage In Her Favorite Activities

Sometimes, having a narcissistic wife means submitting to some of her demands. It won’t be easy, but your marriage is a priority.

So, if you want to spend time together, make sure that at least some of the time, you’re engaging in activities she loves.

What you think might be best for her might not be.

Or if, for a long time, you’ve been the one choosing, consider giving her this opportunity to pick. It is a step in the right direction of saving your marriage and protecting your partner.

How bad is it to be in a marriage that isn’t working?

Find out in this recent article what to do when you are stuck in an unhappy marriage. Many people stick around in a bad marriage for far too long without taking steps to fix it or leave. But there’s 1 surefire way to turn around even the worst marriage.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

10. Exercise Often

Half the time, depressed people find it hard to keep up with life activities, such as exercise. And if that happens for a long time, there are chances of feeling suicidal.

Exercise, sunlight, and fresh air are all-natural mood boosters!

So try and engage in these activities with her regularly as a way of helping to regulate her mood. As a husband, supporting your wife to become a happier person is vital.

You can achieve that by making sure she exercises often. She could try yoga, gym workouts, swimming, or any activity that elevates her moods.

Now while you are signing her up for these activities, you should be ready to be supportive. You should participate in these exercises or activities so she has the will to continue.

11. Create New Memories or Relive Old Ones

Some married couples have come a long way from when they said “I do”, even when one has a mental health issue.

And one thing that has helped is creating beautiful memories together. If your wife displays unusual behavior, you should take her out of her environment and to some different, unique, and fun places.

This causes a pattern interrupt. And it’s a way of resetting the brain by doing new and unexpected things.

In another case, you could remind her of where she is coming from – relive old memories. Find out what she loves best or places she has always wanted to visit.

You could also show her old photos and remind her constantly of why you fell in love with her.

12. Play Music Often

If your wife breaks into tears frequently, you should know that she is connecting to her emotions. Sometimes, what she needs is comfort.

You could provide that or find alternative music.

Psychologists have proven that music is a great relaxation tool. It calms the mind and lifts the spirits. Indeed, it has a psychological effect that could help a depressed or crazy wife.

However, you have to be careful about the choice of song. It would be best to play the music she loves or soothing songs.

Just avoid overly sad songs or songs that might trigger painful or sad memories.

13. Get the Right Medication

Dealing with a mentally unstable wife is hard. Sometimes, the only way you think you can get out of the situation is to get medication or treatment.

If she has been properly diagnosed, then chances are her doctor has already talked to her about medication and treatment options.

If she hasn’t been diagnosed, then medications, at least the ones requiring a prescription, will be off the table.

But you can still do a lot with vitamins and supplements, eating healthier foods, limiting alcohol intake, and drinking plenty of water.

As her spouse, you can’t make her do any of that, but you can model the behavior you’d like to see in her.

14. Make Sure You Do Plenty Around the House

Lessening her workload might not seem like a big deal, but such things can improve her mood. In fact, you might find your wife a little happier than usual.

Gone are the 1950s when the wife does everything with the house and kids while the husband works 9-5.

These days in many cases, both spouses work, so you need to be doing just as much around the house as she does. Even if she was raised to believe she is supposed to do all chores in the home, you still need to do your part.

When you lessen these chores, she can focus on things that matter more – their health and marriage. You can also consider hiring a maid to come out weekly.

You may find your marriage slowly eroding. If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

15. Cook Healthy Meals

Like music, food also works in regulating our mood. It works like magic. Ever seen a sad person eat and feel the same way after?

For someone with a mentally unstable wife, cooking healthy meals is important. You can check with a nutritionist on the type of meals to cook that works for your wife’s condition.

In the same way, you should get information on what to avoid. It would surprise you to know that some meals can act as triggers.

But in general, avoid large amounts of sugar and heavily processed foods, and focus on fresh vegetables, fish, poultry, and foods free of excess chemicals and preservatives.

16. Ensure Enough Rest Time

One thing that can make bipolar or BPD symptoms worse is a lack of sleep. Not having enough rest can easily affect your mood and lifestyle.

If you’ve noticed this pattern with your partner, the best thing to do is to ensure that she gets enough sleep. You can look for means to make that possible.

For instance, you can opt-in for medications that work against sleep deprivation. Alternatively, white noise or any solemn music could help.

Also, consider black-out curtains and making sure that there are no devices with lights that stay on even when the device is off. I have several of those and just cover the light with a small piece of electrical tape.

Does every couple fight in their marriage regularly?

In this recent article, I get into the statistics of how often couples fight. More importantly, I get into how they fight and the 1 way some couples fight that always leads to divorce.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

17. Practice Self-Care

If you want to help your wife through her condition, you should realize that she needs to do some things independently.

You will not always be available to help her during her episodes. So, the best thing is to ensure she practices self-care.

Now this works best if she has been properly diagnosed. But it can still work if she at least recognizes she has a problem and what some of those symptoms are.

First, take time to educate yourself on her condition. Then teach her what to do when she is having an episode.

Next, act out possible real-life scenarios and see how she responds to them. Finally, leave her to handle things herself.

Because you have taught her to practice self-care doesn’t mean you should abandon her. If you are not around, keep up with her routine or activities through phone calls, video chats, and text messages.

18. Do Assessments Often

Taking care of a wife in a mentally unstable condition means investing your time into assessments.

Again, this works best if she has been diagnosed. And as long as she has signed the appropriate HIPPA release with her doctor, you will have access to all the info that can help you.

It is important to do mental assessments and record your observations.

This technique will help you know if there are improvements from the last time. It also lets you know whether to change your wife’s medication or get professional help.

You can start by performing a series of recommended mental exercises. You can also check for their reactions to certain similar situations.

19. Visit a Psychiatrist or Therapist

Getting your wife to own her emotions can be tasking.

If she has been properly diagnosed, she’s probably already in therapy. If she hasn’t been, then therapy is a great option if she’s willing to go.

You can’t force her, of course. And even if you tried, she’s not likely going to get benefit if she’s not there of her own free will.

There is a huge benefit to her seeing a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.

This professional understands what needs to be done to get better. Additionally, you both can see any couples counselor to speak about her condition and how it affects your union.

It could be the perfect thing your marriage needs to improve.

Conclusion

One of the worst things that can happen to any marriage is a partner suffering from a mental health condition. It can be challenging and somehow affects the relationship.

However, since the union is for better or worse, you should play the good guy as a husband. Providing your wife the help she needs is paramount.

Above are 19 proven ways how to deal with a crazy wife.

They may not work immediately, and some tips may not apply to your situation. But the majority of them will work in the long term.

Use these tips and enjoy a healthier relationship.

You CAN save your marriage — even if your wife seems unstable.

I’ve been in your shoes. You want to stop hurting. And you desperately want to restore trust, mutual acceptance, and respect to your marriage; even if you’re fighting more and more frequently.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse seems reluctant or unsure.

The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:

“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay


Jeff Campbell

Jeff Campbell is a father, martial artist, budget-master, Disney-addict, musician, and recovering foodie having spent over 2 decades as a leader for Whole Foods Market. Click to learn more about me

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