Marriage Tips

All my best marriage tips from over a decade of marriage and bringing my marriage back from the brink of divorce in 2013.

19 Proven Ways to Deal With a Crazy Wife (That Really Work!)

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Nothing is more frustrating in a marriage than a spouse whose behavior is wild and unpredictable. Coping with a crazy wife can be difficult, but it is possible to have a happy marriage with the right approach. So here’s how to deal with a crazy wife.

Deal with a mentally unstable wife by offering love, support, and patience and avoiding calling them crazy. Also, don’t take their behavior personally, but do encourage them to seek professional help. Within that though, set clear and healthy boundaries with specific consequences if she crosses them.

Absolutely nothing is predictable in marriage – not even mental health.

Dealing with a challenging spouse can be tough, especially if you feel like your wife is acting irrationally. I’ve gathered 19 proven ways to deal with a “crazy” wife that really work.

These tips are designed to help you manage conflict, improve communication, and strengthen your relationship. Whether it’s learning how to stay calm during arguments or understanding her perspective better, these strategies can make a big difference. Curious about how to turn your relationship around and bring more peace to your home?

Keep reading to discover effective ways to handle these tough situations and build a stronger bond with your wife.

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Here are 19 proven ways to manage the situation and live happily together.

1. Understand Her Condition

The first step to caring for your wife with signs of bipolar disorder or other mental illnesses is understanding her condition. You cannot care for someone if you don’t know what’s wrong with them.

You can look up signs online and determine whether the situation is mild or severe. Depending on the information you find while considering your spouse’s behavior, you can figure out what to do.

If it is mild, you can take care of her by yourself.

But if her condition is undiagnosed and you just suspect it, that does make it harder. If she is actively going to therapy, that is a good sign.

If she isn’t, consider going yourself as that might encourage her to also go without your having to ask her to (which she might see as controlling or insulting).

Do you think your marriage might really be over?

Check out this recent article on the signs of a marriage that is actually beyond saving, including the 1 sign it’s totally done.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

2. Identify Triggers

Identifying triggers is the best way to approach the whole thing if your wife has a mild personality disorder. Usually, there is an underlying cause, and it is your job to find out.

Some people might have suffered physical or sexual abuse growing up. For others, it could be that there is a history of mental illness or addiction in their family.

Finding the cause of the situation is paramount. That way, you might be able to set boundaries or ground rules. But you can also better understand what things you may be doing that trigger manic episodes.

3. Have Open Communication

After identifying your wife’s behavior and understanding the triggers, the next step is communicating openly. Good communication skills go a long way to ensure you don’t have marital problems.

You might be walking on eggshells if you don’t. Sometimes, what you do might be one of your partner’s triggers.

For instance, for someone who suffered emotional abuse and told you about it, you should know never to speak harsh words to them.

And while trying to have open communication, ensure you don’t take the place of a therapist. She needs to understand that you only want to know how to help her manage the condition.

4. Ask Questions Instead of Making Statements

While you have an honest conversation, make sure you ask questions.

It helps you understand your spouse’s condition more and shows that you are supportive. It is, however, best if you go easy with the questions. You don’t want to ask anything that would upset your partner further.

Questions get them talking and show you are taking an active interest in them. When you make statements, they can come off as critical, controlling, or belittling.

5. Validate Her Feelings

Nothing upsets a woman more than someone invalidating her feelings. In fact, it could be the primary reason for your wife’s crazy behavior.

If you’ve discovered that your wife has a mental health issue, that isn’t the time to be judgmental. That moment is when she needs you the most to be understanding and supportive.

You can start by acknowledging her feelings, even if you disagree. And if you do have to say your own side of the story, do it at a later time when she is calm.

Ultimately, guys can’t win an argument with a woman.

Women react to how things and situations make them feel. Guys come at things with logic and reason. You will never alter how she feels about you or a situation by giving her a logical list of reasons why she is wrong.

That will only escalate the situation. Instead, listen without just waiting your turn to talk or trying to “fix” her problem. Then repeat back a few things she says so you know you really understand. Ask questions about things you are unsure of.

Once she feels heard, understood, and validated, her mood will brighten and her energy will be less aggressive. But it has to start with you really listening and not trying to argue back.

Have you noticed how bad it is when your wife gets angry? 

It can get worse if you don’t become consciously aware of her triggers and actively work to figure out what the underlying causes are.

Read this recent article to see what some of those causes are, including the 1 thing you’re probably doing that you absolutely need to stop doing.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

6. Show Mutual Respect

Most times, one of the reasons people get depressed or develop mental issues is not being understood or respected.

In fact, 99% of the time, when a woman is mad, shut down, or not interested in sex, it’s because she doesn’t feel heard and understood.

It could have started as something small but became a severe problem because of repeated actions. However, you can avoid this erratic behavior by showing your spouse mutual respect and setting healthy boundaries.

If you do this, you might just avoid several problems in the long run. As a matter of fact, you will find a middle ground together to co-exist with the condition.

You may find your marriage slowly eroding. 

7. Suggest Your Spouse Join a Support Group

One of the best solutions for someone displaying signs of mental instability is encouraging her to join a support program.

A support group aims to have people of similar situations come together to become better people. It often requires commitment and dedication, and the person should get better in the long run.

You can register your wife into one of these programs. She would understand that you are only trying to help her. You could even attend sessions with her.

Now, this really only works if she has been properly diagnosed with a specific condition.

If she hasn’t been diagnosed, and especially if she doesn’t think she has a mental health condition, your suggestion will likely backfire.

In that case, consider joining one yourself for spouses of mentally ill people.

8. Spend Quality Time Together

If your spouse suffers from depression, you must spend a lot of time together.

You don’t want them slipping into this state because they are lonely or feeling that you hardly have time for them. It would help if you spent quality time doing interesting things together.

This simple act might give them hope or elevate their mood. It would also help you work through your differences and focus on building your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be every day, but the little time you do, make it count.

9. Engage In Her Favorite Activities

Sometimes, having a narcissistic wife means submitting to some of her demands. It won’t be easy, but your marriage is a priority.

So, if you want to spend time together, make sure that at least some of the time, you’re engaging in activities she loves.

What you think might be best for her might not be.

Or if, for a long time, you’ve been the one choosing, consider giving her this opportunity to pick. It is a step in the right direction of saving your marriage and protecting your partner.

How bad is it to be in a marriage that isn’t working?

Find out in this recent article what to do when you are stuck in an unhappy marriage. Many people stick around in a bad marriage for far too long without taking steps to fix it or leave. But there’s 1 surefire way to turn around even the worst marriage.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

10. Exercise Often

Half the time, depressed people find it hard to keep up with life activities, such as exercise. And if that happens for a long time, there are chances of feeling suicidal.

Exercise, sunlight, and fresh air are all-natural mood boosters!

So try and engage in these activities with her regularly as a way of helping to regulate her mood. As a husband, supporting your wife to become a happier person is vital.

You can achieve that by making sure she exercises often. She could try yoga, gym workouts, swimming, or any activity that elevates her moods.

Now while you are signing her up for these activities, you should be ready to be supportive. You should participate in these exercises or activities so she has the will to continue.

11. Create New Memories or Relive Old Ones

Some married couples have come a long way from when they said “I do”, even when one has a mental health issue.

And one thing that has helped is creating beautiful memories together. If your wife displays unusual behavior, you should take her out of her environment and to some different, unique, and fun places.

This causes a pattern interrupt. And it’s a way of resetting the brain by doing new and unexpected things.

In another case, you could remind her of where she is coming from – relive old memories. Find out what she loves best or places she has always wanted to visit.

You could also show her old photos and remind her constantly of why you fell in love with her.

12. Play Music Often

If your wife breaks into tears frequently, you should know that she is connecting to her emotions. Sometimes, what she needs is comfort.

You could provide that or find alternative music.

Psychologists have proven that music is a great relaxation tool. It calms the mind and lifts the spirits. Indeed, it has a psychological effect that could help a depressed or crazy wife.

However, you have to be careful about the choice of song. It would be best to play the music she loves or soothing songs.

Just avoid overly sad songs or songs that might trigger painful or sad memories.

13. Get the Right Medication

Dealing with a mentally unstable wife is hard. Sometimes, the only way you think you can get out of the situation is to get medication or treatment.

If she has been properly diagnosed, then chances are her doctor has already talked to her about medication and treatment options.

If she hasn’t been diagnosed, then medications, at least the ones requiring a prescription, will be off the table.

But you can still do a lot with vitamins and supplements, eating healthier foods, limiting alcohol intake, and drinking plenty of water.

As her spouse, you can’t make her do any of that, but you can model the behavior you’d like to see in her.

 

14. Make Sure You Do Plenty Around the House

Lessening her workload might not seem like a big deal, but such things can improve her mood. In fact, you might find your wife a little happier than usual.

Gone are the 1950s when the wife does everything with the house and kids while the husband works 9-5.

These days in many cases, both spouses work, so you need to be doing just as much around the house as she does. Even if she was raised to believe she is supposed to do all chores in the home, you still need to do your part.

When you lessen these chores, she can focus on things that matter more – their health and marriage. You can also consider hiring a maid to come out weekly.

You may find your marriage slowly eroding. 

15. Cook Healthy Meals

Like music, food also works in regulating our mood. It works like magic. Ever seen a sad person eat and feel the same way after?

For someone with a mentally unstable wife, cooking healthy meals is important. You can check with a nutritionist on the type of meals to cook that works for your wife’s condition.

In the same way, you should get information on what to avoid. It would surprise you to know that some meals can act as triggers.

But in general, avoid large amounts of sugar and heavily processed foods, and focus on fresh vegetables, fish, poultry, and foods free of excess chemicals and preservatives.

16. Ensure Enough Rest Time

One thing that can make bipolar or BPD symptoms worse is a lack of sleep. Not having enough rest can easily affect your mood and lifestyle.

If you’ve noticed this pattern with your partner, the best thing to do is to ensure that she gets enough sleep. You can look for means to make that possible.

For instance, you can opt-in for medications that work against sleep deprivation. Alternatively, white noise or any solemn music could help.

Also, consider black-out curtains and making sure that there are no devices with lights that stay on even when the device is off. I have several of those and just cover the light with a small piece of electrical tape.

Does every couple fight in their marriage regularly?

In this recent article, I get into the statistics of how often couples fight. More importantly, I get into how they fight and the 1 way some couples fight that always leads to divorce.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

17. Practice Self-Care

If you want to help your wife through her condition, you should realize that she needs to do some things independently.

You will not always be available to help her during her episodes. So, the best thing is to ensure she practices self-care.

Now this works best if she has been properly diagnosed. But it can still work if she at least recognizes she has a problem and what some of those symptoms are.

First, take time to educate yourself on her condition. Then teach her what to do when she is having an episode.

Next, act out possible real-life scenarios and see how she responds to them. Finally, leave her to handle things herself.

Because you have taught her to practice self-care doesn’t mean you should abandon her. If you are not around, keep up with her routine or activities through phone calls, video chats, and text messages.

18. Do Assessments Often

Taking care of a wife in a mentally unstable condition means investing your time into assessments.

Again, this works best if she has been diagnosed. And as long as she has signed the appropriate HIPPA release with her doctor, you will have access to all the info that can help you.

It is important to do mental assessments and record your observations.

This technique will help you know if there are improvements from the last time. It also lets you know whether to change your wife’s medication or get professional help.

You can start by performing a series of recommended mental exercises. You can also check for their reactions to certain similar situations.

19. Visit a Psychiatrist or Therapist

Getting your wife to own her emotions can be tasking.

If she has been properly diagnosed, she’s probably already in therapy. If she hasn’t been, then therapy is a great option if she’s willing to go.

You can’t force her, of course. And even if you tried, she’s not likely going to get benefit if she’s not there of her own free will.

There is a huge benefit to her seeing a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.

This professional understands what needs to be done to get better. Additionally, you both can see any couples counselor to speak about her condition and how it affects your union.

It could be the perfect thing your marriage needs to improve.

Conclusion

One of the worst things that can happen to any marriage is a partner suffering from a mental health condition. It can be challenging and somehow affects the relationship.

However, since the union is for better or worse, you should play the good guy as a husband. Providing your wife the help she needs is paramount.

Above are 19 proven ways how to deal with a crazy wife.

They may not work immediately, and some tips may not apply to your situation. But the majority of them will work in the long term.

Use these tips and enjoy a healthier relationship.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

15 Proven Signs Your Daughter-In-Law Doesn’t Like You

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Relationships with our in-laws can be complicated. And how your daughter-in-law feels about you can impact your relationship with your son and even your grandchildren. And while sometimes it’s overt many times it’s more subtle. So what are the signs your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you?

Here’s what I know from being married for several years:

A daughter-in-law who doesn’t like her mother-in-law may not be overtly rude, but she may not initiate contact with you, may make excuses to not visit as often as you like, and may even seem distant or cold. 

But these aren’t the only signs that can indicate that your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you.

In this article, we’ll dive deep into the signs that indicate your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you. By the time you’re done reading this article, you’ll have no doubt about how your daughter feels about you.

You’ll also have strategies to handle her feelings and ideas on how to get in her good graces.

Just keep reading!

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Let’s look at the . . .

15 proven signs your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you

1. You rarely, if ever, hear from her unless she is responding to your call or text

She could simply be busy. Or she may not be one of those people that like to initiate contact.

Does she return calls quickly? Does she answer texts as soon as she can? If she’s doing these things and is pleasant when you reach out, there isn’t much to worry about.

Does she prefer to communicate with you through her husband? Is she rude when she communicates with you? If either of these are the case, don’t ignore your gut just yet.

2. She makes excuses as to why they can’t come to visit as often as you’d like

If your daughter-in-law seems to be looking for ways to avoid you, she probably doesn’t like you. She seemingly never comes to visit, even though you live very close.

Or if you live far away, and you only want her to visit once or twice a year, and she can never seem to find the time to visit.

It doesn’t matter how much time she’s been given to make plans to visit. She just won’t compromise her time to be with you. 

If she only shows up for family gatherings, she is doing so because she feels obligated to go, not because she wants to visit with you.

3. You sense that she is limiting the amount of contact you have with your son

Your son is a big part of your life and the one thing that links the two of you together. If she doesn’t like you, your daughter-in-law will find reasons to limit his interaction with you.

She may try to paint you in a bad light or manipulate him into paying attention to her instead of reaching out to you. She may complain about you and the amount of time he spends with you, even if it’s an insignificant amount of time.

Every chance she gets to keep him away from you, she will do it.

So, if you find that the amount of contact you have with your son has drastically decreased, it could be because of your daughter-in-law.

4. She is polite around you but not warm, friendly, or loving

Your daughter-in-law may be polite to you, but polite doesn’t mean warm.

If she doesn’t like you, she’ll do what she can to maintain her distance. If she is in the same space as you, she will either make polite small talk or even talk to other people around.

If you try to converse with her, she may be polite enough to just finish talking to you. She’s not going to ask follow-up questions.

She is going to do her best to avoid having a lengthy conversation with you about anything.

5. Your son makes excuses for his wife’s behavior

A good indicator that your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you is that your son is constantly making excuses for her.

He’ll tell you that she can’t come to visit because she’s busy. Or she doesn’t answer calls because her phone was on silent. If she doesn’t talk to you, it’ll be because she didn’t feel well or some other reason.

His excuses will sound vague and generic.

6. She never seeks your advice on problems or issues

Your daughter-in-law may have other people in her life to turn to for advice. She has her own mother figure, friends, and family to seek advice from.

But you are one of her people, now, too.

Especially when it comes to advice regarding her husband. No one knows your son as well as you do. So, if she has problems or issues regarding your son, she should turn to you for advice.

If she’s talking to anyone but you about her husband, that could be a red flag.

7. She gets defensive quickly

If she seems to get irritated quickly and always second guesses you, she doesn’t trust you and probably doesn’t like you.

Does she doubt your actions and ideas, no matter how good they are?

If you ask her questions that come from a good place, and she immediately gets defensive, she’s really not interested in what you have to say.

Remember, though, this will be based on how you usually treat her. If you typically are kind and not judgmental or rude yourself, she shouldn’t get defensive towards you.

But if you are constantly criticizing her, she may just assume that you are criticizing her, which will cause her to be defensive.

8. She and your son spend more holidays with her family than with you

This one may be a little tricky.

If she and your son just live closer to her family, then logistically, it’s going to be easier to spend holidays with her family.

But if you are equal distance, or if it’s equally convenient to visit you as it is her family, then you should get visits just as often as her family.

While special, holidays can also be very stressful for everyone involved.

It could be that she doesn’t like you, but it could also be that she is under more pressure to visit with her family than with you.

9. You don’t see gifts you have sent when you visit their house

When you visit their house and don’t see gifts you’ve sent, it’s not a good sign.

She may make up excuses as to why you don’t see the gifts. Even gifts that would typically be out in the open, like a picture frame or kid’s toy.

They are “broken” or “lost.” This can be really hurtful, and she knows it. Especially if the gift is something you know she wanted and thought she would like.

Even gifts that aren’t particularly liked should be appreciated.

If you don’t come around very often, those gifts should be out in the open. If you’ve sent gifts to the grandchildren, they should be used and noticed by you.

10. She’ll make passive-aggressive comments towards you disguised as jokes

This type of behavior is blatantly obvious.

Your daughter-in-law will say hurtful things and then laugh at it, like it’s a joke. Playful banter back and forth and joking around is normal and fun.

Families do things differently, and many engage in poking fun at one another and making little jabs. But if this isn’t normal for your family, make it clear that you don’t find her “jokes” funny.

Let’s be very clear. She may be laughing, but she knows what she is saying is rude and hurtful. If she’s doing this, she most definitely does not like you.

11. She is nicer to you in front of your son than when it’s just the 2 of you

It could be that she is just more comfortable when your son is around. Maybe she is more talkative when he’s around, and that’s okay.

She may be more relaxed when he’s around, which will help her be warmer, more friendly, and more open. Especially if it’s a new marriage, she may just be getting used to you and enjoy seeing you and your son interacting.

But if she seems to shut down completely when it’s just the two of you, she is probably itching to get away from you.

12. She doesn’t visit every time your son does

She may just be busy and unable to visit every time your son visits.

Or she could be actively avoiding you. If she always seems to be cleaning the house or finding excuses to not visit when her son does, she is actively avoiding you.

Think about how often your son visits in relation to how many times she visits. If it’s more than half the time, don’t take it personally.

She’s probably just working or visiting with her friends. If it’s less than half the time, especially if his visits are infrequent, it’s safe to assume she is finding reasons not to visit.

13. She is friendlier to others in the family than with you

This one is a big one. If your daughter-in-law is noticeably friendlier to other family members of yours, that’s a good sign she is not a fan of you.

Watch how she interacts with other family members. Think about how much she laughs with them and how she hangs out with them one on one.

Is it just that she has more in common with those family members? Maybe they are closer in age or have similar interests.

Or maybe she genuinely likes them more than she likes you.

14. She limits the number of interactions you have with your grandchildren

If your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you or trust you, she’s not going to want you around her children.

Mothers are very protective of their children. If she thinks you are going to disregard her rules or be disrespectful towards her or her kids, she’s not going to want them to be around you.

If your parenting styles are wildly different from hers, she may not trust that you are going to follow her wishes.

If she has any reason to think you would be abusive, neglectful, or disrespectful, she’s not going to want you to be around her kids.

How she feels about you, not only as a person but as a parent, will greatly impact how much time you get to spend with your grandchildren.

15. She doesn’t call or text on your birthday or big milestones

Does she let birthdays, anniversaries, or other big dates go unnoticed?

If she lets dates go by that other people would generally notice, that’s an indicator that she doesn’t like you.

It’s completely normal for people to forget a birthday or anniversary occasionally. 

Typically when that happens, we call the loved one and apologize and make a big thing about it. And then we remember next year!

But if she lets an important date go by completely unnoticed, especially multiple times, then she’s not remorseful. If she’s not remorseful, there’s a good chance she didn’t forget at all.

She just didn’t care enough to acknowledge the date.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do daughters-in-law dislike their mother-in-law? 

Daughters-in-law may dislike their mother-in-law if they are made to feel not good enough for their husband by the mother-in-law, or if the mother-in-law frequently criticizes her or tries to tell her how to be a better wife or mother.

But your daughter-in-law may have preconceived notions about mothers-in-law too.

She may have friends that don’t get along with their mother-in-law. This will give her a preconceived idea about what mothers-in-law are like.

Mothers-in-law are also given a bad rap from social media, TV shows, and movies. 

They are often associated with being hostile, manipulative, or difficult. While this is an unfair depiction, it is something you may have to deal with.

If your daughter-in-law comes into the relationship with a certain level of skepticism about mothers-in-law, the way you treat her will either reinforce those ideas or help dispel them.

She will be watching how you interact with other people, how you treat them, and the comments you make towards them.

She may also be getting some feedback from her husband. If her husband doesn’t speak positively about you, she is going to come into the marriage struggling to trust you.

It could simply be that you aren’t very friendly to her. She has come into your family. Are you treating her like a family member?

Or are you treating her like an intruder?

How do I deal with an unfriendly daughter-in-law?

First, look at yourself. Do everything you can to be kind and welcome her into the family. If she feels like an outsider, she’s going to be more withdrawn. Avoid talking down to her or telling her how to run her household unless asked, even if you believe you know better.

It’s hard coming into a family.

Especially if you’ve never met them. Ideally, your daughter-in-law has met you before and has plenty of interaction with you. After all, when you get married, you marry the whole family.

Unfortunately, problems with in-laws are common. You have different beliefs, different views, and backgrounds. Blending families is inherently fraught with pitfalls.

Having a difficult relationship with your daughter-in-law can make life particularly challenging. They are the gateway to your son and your grandchildren.

If you find that you seem to be in a difficult situation, there are several things you can do to encourage a good relationship with your daughter-in-law.

First, make sure to recognize her role in your family.

She is the co-leader of her household. She is the mother of your grandchildren (or future grandchildren). She may parent differently than you, but she is doing the best she can do. Accept her unconditionally.

Next, never compare her to your daughter or other daughters-in-law. 

Remember, she is doing the best she can do. She doesn’t need to worry about how she stacks up. Avoid criticizing her lifestyle or her parenting styles.

Accept her unconditionally and be a positive force in her life. Help her out in any way you can. Remember that your son loves her for a reason. You can do the same.

Now you know why daughters-in-law may dislike their mothers-in-law and how to handle a difficult daughter-in-law. If your daughter-in-law does one or more of these things, she probably doesn’t like you very much.

How do I improve my relationship with my daughter-in-law?

Improve a relationship with a daughter-in-law by being open and honest about the issues between you, apologizing for any overstepping you may have done, and completely welcoming her into the family without judgment or expectation.

It’s important to remember that your daughter-in-law comes from a different family with different beliefs.

Be open-minded and disregard any initial judgments you may have about her. This is especially important if it’s the first time meeting her.

While you may be seeing her as being standoffish or rude, she could just be shy and uncomfortable.

She may be reserved or holding back. These feelings should eventually improve. Just continue to be welcoming and approach the possibility of spending time together one on one.

Be involved, trustworthy, and approachable.

Offer support and advice when needed and without reservation. This will show your daughter-in-law that you are someone she can rely on.

Don’t rush her.

Understand that relationships take time to build. You don’t know her family situation. If she isn’t close to her mother or has never had a mother figure, it may be harder to build a relationship with her. If you’ve had a previous conflict, show her that you are willing to put any difficult feelings behind you.

Finally, ask your son.

Ask him what you can do to strengthen your relationship with his wife. Involving him may make you more relaxed around her and proves that you really want to have a happy, healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law.

Final Thoughts

If you suspect that your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you, trust your gut. You’re probably right.

Having a difficult relationship with your daughter-in-law can make life particularly challenging. Try your best to repair or improve the relationship.

Be kind and compliment her as much as you can. I think you’ll find that if your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you, she’ll come around. If she doesn’t, her dislike of you probably comes from within.

Keep the door open. Hopefully, she’ll come around.

How to Deal with an Annoying Father-In-Law

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When you got married, you probably heard that old adage about marrying the whole family. But sometimes in-laws aren’t always compatible with us. That leads many people to wonder how to deal with an annoying father-in-law.

With an annoying father-in-law, have clear communication with your spouse, clear boundaries, but be prepared to tolerate his behavior to a certain degree. But if he is rude, verbally abusive, or toxic, make it clear to him and your spouse you are not willing to tolerate the behavior.

It can be difficult to tell the difference sometimes between just being annoying and being purposely toxic.

In this article, we’ll talk about how to handle a toxic father-in-law. We’ll also distinguish between toxic behavior and simply annoying behavior. But for just annoying behavior, do be prepared to put up with it to a degree for the sake of your marriage.

But don’t worry. We’ll cover some coping tips too!

Fighting a little more often than usual?

You might wonder if it’s healthy or normal to have so many arguments. In my recent article, find out why arguing every day might be the best thing for your marriage.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Is it normal to not like your in-laws?

It can be normal to be annoyed by your in-laws, just like any other family member. This is especially true if there is tension between you and your spouse, as they will always side with your spouse. But at a minimum, there should be mutual respect.

Ideally, your in-laws should feel like family.

But that’s not always possible, and I get that. But at a bare minimum, they should be respected, and they should respect you, too.

This is especially true if your wife is close to her family. If your wife is close to her family, your in-laws are going to be a big part of your life.

If you’re lucky enough to have a close relationship with them, too, that’s fantastic! But if you’re not close to them, then it’s okay to just be polite and respectful.

If you don’t like your in-laws, keep a healthy distance between you and them. Be respectful to them when they are around, and don’t bad mouth them to your wife.

Your priority is to your wife and your marriage. If your wife is close to her family, it is crucial to your marriage to try to have a civil relationship with her family.

Otherwise, you could hurt your wife and damage your marriage.

One of the most important things to remember is that you can’t control other people. But you can control how you react to other people. So, if your in-laws are being rude, focus on your response. Be reasonable and respectful.

Don’t get defensive, and if at all possible, just don’t engage.

Is it a macho thing for a father-in-law to be rude to his son-in-law?

Fathers have always been protective of their daughters, both while dating and even in marriage, as almost no one will ever be seen as good enough for their daughter. But, it is not acceptable for a father to be rude and disrespectful to his son-in-law.

If you find that your father-in-law is constantly rude to you, talk to your wife about it. Your wife is likely aware of the tension, even if you don’t mention it. But you should discuss your position with her.

Express how it makes you feel when your father-in-law is rude to you.

Unless you are mishandling the marriage, are abusive, or cause some sort of pain to their daughter, there is no reason for your in-laws to be disrespectful towards you.

In-laws can be jerks for numerous reasons. Why your father-in-law is the way he is, isn’t really your concern, though.

What is important is that you and your wife display a united front. Have a calm discussion with your wife. Discuss how to handle your father-in-law, and be willing to compromise if necessary.

Try not to disagree with your wife in front of your in-laws, either. Doing so could provide an opening for them to pick at your relationship.

You should also know when to engage in conflict with your in-laws.

You may be tempted to tell your father-in-law off when he’s rude to you. But this could mean escalating things and just making it worse.

Instead, when your father-in-law makes a snide remark about your career, turn it around on him.

Instead of getting defensive, ask him about his career. This will take the focus off of you and will give him the opportunity to talk about something he loves – himself.

You’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life with your wife. This means that you get to spend the rest of your life with her family, too.

Even if you don’t become best friends, it’s imperative that you at least try to make your relationship with your in-laws work.

Do couples divorce because of in-laws?

Couples do divorce because they can’t get along with their in-laws, especially when they feel a lack of support from their spouse in helping them set boundaries. But when husbands have a good relationship with their wife’s parents, the risk of divorce actually decreases by 20%.

One finding of a 26-year longitudinal study of married couples is that marriages last longer when the husband reports feeling close to his in-laws.

Interestingly, that same study showed that when women are close to their in-laws, they are more likely to get divorced. (source)

Luckily, divorcing due to the in-laws are low on the list of reasons for divorce.

Lack of commitment, infidelity, too much conflict, and substance abuse are all reasons for divorce. While there are many reasons for divorce, not getting along with your in-laws doesn’t have to be one of them.

Women pay close attention to the relationship between their parents and their husband. And when husbands make an effort to get along with their in-laws, the wife feels taken care of, too.

If you take the time and effort to forge a relationship with your in-laws, it shows that you really care about your wife. If you find that your marriage isn’t as exciting as it once was, it may be time to rekindle your marriage.

You can rekindle your marriage by spending quality time together, appreciating your wife without expectation, and making sex a priority.

To learn more, read this recent article. These small things can help not only to rekindle a stale marriage, but they can actually be small beginning steps to repair a broken marriage.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

Should my wife stand up for me against her dad?

A wife should let her father know if he is behaving disrespectfully towards her husband. You two should present a united front and be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable. But don’t ask her to choose between you or her father.

The bottom line is that you two need to work together.

She will likely see the tension between you and her father, but unless you say something to her, she may think you have it under control.

She’s probably not going to stand up for you over small things. If he’s just annoying or makes little jabs about your job or the way you dress, she’s probably not going to say anything.

But if you are at a family gathering, for example, and your father-in-law is arguing with you, and it escalates, she needs to have your back whether she agrees with you or not.

Especially if your father-in-law is making personal attacks.

She should stand behind you completely, regardless of what the argument is. Then, when you are on the way home, or after everyone leaves, or when you are alone together, the two of you can talk about what happened.

Even if she doesn’t agree with what you said, she should always show solidarity with you. This shows that the two of you are a team that can’t be separated.

A husband and wife should be an unbeatable, inseparable duo

If you and your wife’s dad are bickering, no, she shouldn’t get involved. You’re a big boy, you should be able to handle yourself in those situations. But if he is being degrading and nasty, she should absolutely stand up for you against her dad.

If you expect her to stand up for you in every little situation that comes along, she could come to resent you. Just like if she never stands up for you, it could cause a rift in the marriage.

If you find that your wife is constantly putting her family ahead of you, there could be more underlying issues that need to be dealt with. It can get very frustrating if your wife goes to her dad when she needs guidance or has great news to share.

You want to be her person, and for a good reason.

Generally, a wife puts her family before you either because she hasn’t established healthy, clear boundaries with them or she doesn’t have complete trust in you.

To learn more about why your wife may be putting her family before you, read this recent article. What really surprised me was the 1 thing that almost all of us do that pushes our wives away without our even realizing it.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

What are the signs of a toxic father-in-law?

The signs of a toxic relationship with a father-in-law include abuse of any kind, condescending or passive-aggressive comments about you or your wife, or doing or saying things to drive a wedge between you and your wife.

Abuse of any kind, whether physical, verbal, or emotional, is never okay.

It is unacceptable and unhealthy in a relationship, especially in one where you are essentially bound forever. If physical abuse happens even one time, it is a cause for concern.

If this happens, the two of you should be physically separated until your father-in-law finds better ways to deal with his anger or control.

Consistent verbal abuse is also toxic and needs to be eliminated.

Another sign of being toxic is if your father-in-law is constantly trying to control or monitor you or your wife. He doesn’t get a say in where you live, travel, or whether or not you have kids. He shouldn’t be calling either one of you several times a day.

He shouldn’t have free access to private email accounts, social media, or phones.

Healthy relationships also require the ability to say “no” when it’s necessary. If saying “no” to your father-in-law results in arguments or withdrawals, then there is an unhealthy element there.

If you’ve stopped saying certain things to your father-in-law because it isn’t worth the emotional labor, then you have an unhealthy relationship.

You should be able to bring up tough conversations without fear of your father-in-law retaliating. If your father-in-law doesn’t take criticism of his poor attitude or behaviors, then he is not open to accountability or change, which is another sign of toxicity.

Emotionally mature people are willing to take ownership of their behaviors, attitudes, and decisions.

They are willing to be accountable and accept responsibility for the consequences of those behaviors, attitudes, and decisions.

If your father-in-law is not willing to take ownership or responsibility when he falls short, whether it is hurting you or his daughter, you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship with him.

If you are a wife that is reading this article, and you feel like your husband hates your family, there may be a reason for that.

A husband may hate his in-laws if he feels disrespected by them, if he thinks they are a bad influence on you, or if you are not focused enough on your marriage.

To learn more about why your husband may hate your family, read this recent article.

It’s not always easy to navigate bad blood between your spouse and family, but that article can help clear up why it’s happening.

Just click the link to read the article on my site.

Is it okay to stay away from in-laws?

If the in-laws are toxic or abusive, it is acceptable not to visit them as long as it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your spouse. However, if they are a minor annoyance, visit them occasionally as a supportive spouse, and do your best to maintain a respectful relationship.

Ultimately, you don’t want your feelings about your in-laws to drive your spouse to divorce.

If your in-laws are toxic, then it’s probably better for you and your wife to stay away from them. But if they are just annoying, you should find a way to be around them.

Even if they are simply annoying, it’s okay to avoid them on a minor level. But if the avoidance creates a wedge between you and your wife, that’s not good in the long term.

As a spouse, it’s very upsetting to be torn between people you love.

If your wife loves you and her dad, it will hurt her terribly if you dislike each other. Even if, at the moment, your mutual dislike has little bearing on your day-to-day life, it could have an impact long-term.

For example, when her dad gets old, she may be the one to take care of him.

This can be really hard on her because she’s going to be potentially living with two people that don’t like each other. While she should always have your back and be on your side, it’s important for you not to cause hurt, too.

If you truly love her, it is important to make her happy.

We go to great lengths to make our children happy because we love them. The love for your spouse should be no less. In fact, it should be more.

This doesn’t mean you have to compel yourself to like your in-laws. Of course, you can’t force liking, but you can make an extra effort at diplomacy.

How do you get your father-in-law to like you?

A father-in-law will respect their child’s spouse when he feels respect both towards himself and his child that you married. Additionally, take an interest in him and his interests.

Remember, good fathers, are very protective of their daughters.

But that’s also true even if we’re talking about his son. They want to know that you will be there to support her and to take care of her when she needs you.

Letting go of a daughter is not easy for a father. However, he will feel much better if he knows that you are taking care of his daughter and living a good life.

Take care of him and his family, too.

If he needs something – if his car has broken down or needs help painting the house, offer to help him with no strings attached. And be grateful when he helps you out.

Fathers also want to be respected. Showing respect, even when you have different views on things, will go a long way in the likability factor.

Finally, get to know him. Spend time with him and find some common ground.

If you have common interests, it’ll give you a chance to bond and show him that you can’t be all that bad. If you don’t have anything in common, be open-minded and ask him about what he enjoys and dislikes. Who knows, you may even find a new interest!

Final thoughts

In-laws can be very tricky. When you get married, you marry your spouse’s family, too.

In an ideal world, you would love your spouse’s family as much as you love your spouse. While that’s not always possible, it is possible to be respectful and polite, even if your in-laws are jerks.

Whether it’s a husband or wife, your spouse should always be by your side, especially when it comes to dealing with their toxic father.


 

Why Does My Wife Like Attention from Other Guys?

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My ex-wife was attractive, so it’s natural that when she used to go out, guys will notice. But I noticed that she seemed to enjoy it, and it made me wonder, why does my wife like attention from other guys?

All wives enjoy feeling attractive, and getting attention from other guys is an innocent way of boosting their ego. However, if her desire for attention has increased or is recent, that can be a red flag.

But really, who doesn’t enjoy being lavished with a little praise and attention now and then?

There’s nothing better than being told through someone’s affection you’re valuable, attractive, and you’re doing just fine.

In a committed relationship or marriage, that nice little boost usually comes from our spouse. But what if it didn’t? What if your wife likes attention from other guys all of a sudden?

In this article, you’ll learn about attention-seeking behavior, what it means for you and your marriage, and what to do about it.

What does it mean when your wife flirts with other guys?

Flirting with other guys may mean three things. One, she is looking for approval outside of her relationship because she’s not getting it at home. Two, she has a lack of respect for her husband and is hoping he steps up to the plate. Or three, she is displaying one of the five main traits which predict infidelity.

Let’s look at each one more closely.

1. Her needs are unmet in your marriage

Have you been distant yourself?

Giving less time and affection than usual? It may be a response to feeling undesired or low self-esteem since her partner has, seemingly, lost interest. If you’re not making your wife feel loved and cared about, there are a line of guys out there who can and will.

Ironically, in my marriage, in the early days, I was a lot more affectionate.

But my wife really isn’t that affectionate. At first, I was hurt by what I perceived as aloofness and indifference. I was lonely sometimes too. I even had an affair at one point.

But in the end, I cast aside my expectations of who and what I thought she should be based on my expectations, and I just appreciated her for who she is.

But ironically, that sometimes means I don’t show her as much attention as she wishes I would.

2. A lack of respect for you

If you’re a loving and caring man, but it never seems like enough for her, maybe your wife falls under this category.

If your wife engages in attention-seeking behavior with you presently or even intentionally tries to push your buttons, it’s a plain lack of respect.

But what she really probably wants is for you to step up to the plate.

Most women like a man who is confident. Not arrogant, but not meek or too compromising either. The feminist movement may have brought women a lot of things. But it’s also confused the hell out of well-meaning guys who aren’t as sure of their own masculinity as their dads and grandfathers were before them.

So don’t be a jerk. But do be confident, clear, and well . . . a real man.

3. Displaying patterns of infidelity

According to a 2005 study on cheating, personality plays a huge role in determining what kind of people are most likely to be unfaithful.

If you and your partner score oppositely in scores like neuroticism, narcissism, or extroversion traits were among those most likely to cheat.

Attention-seeking is also one of the most common reasons that people cheat in the first place.

And sometimes, what starts off as innocent flirting, turns into something more. Luckily, there are things you can do to fend off a possible affair. And even if an affair has already happened, it is possible to save your marriage after the fact.

In a recent article, I detailed exactly how my wife and I saved our marriage after I had an affair in 2013.

Here we are many years later, happier than ever, and with a 3rd child. These are the exact steps we followed, and if an affair has happened, or you suspect it, you can turn your situation around too.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Should I tell my wife that her flirting makes me uncomfortable?

Tell your wife if her flirting makes you uncomfortable unless the behavior is completely innocent, and the real issue is your own insecurity. Openness and honesty are the cornerstones of any successful relationship.

Without strong communication and trust between you and your wife, there’s little chance of having a thriving marriage. It should be a given that your partner is open to your worries and happy to work on resolving them.

It can be scary to start a hard talk, especially about something we need.

It’s easy to worry about saying the “wrong” thing and hurting your partner. But it’s an act of vulnerability and respect to talk about something that’s bothering you. No one wants to feel demanding or like the bad guy. No one wants to make their partner’s life more difficult.

Starting an argument can feel like you’re difficult or unreasonable.

But, the alternative is worse. Not saying anything at all only builds resentment without giving your wife any way to fix things. Letting your partner know what’s going on is the only way forward.

For some tips on broaching this tricky topic, read on for a method to keeping the discussion centered in love and understanding.

How do you deal with an attention-seeking partner?

If your partner is attention-seeking, first, explain how their behavior makes you feel. Then, try to understand why they are seeking attention. Avoid criticizing them, and also be willing to accept any insecurity issues you may have.

Approaching a conversation about attention-seeking behavior is no different than any other problem in a relationship. Work to resolve the problem together, don’t verbally attack her. Keep two goals in mind while you talk it out.

There’s really no way around it.

Dealing with a problem like this is going to take saying one of the most dreaded lines of all time: We need to talk. You’ll need some patience and respectful communication throughout, too. So be sure to start the conversation from a calm and collected mindset.

The most important thing to remember is don’t throw out unfounded accusations.

If your wife’s behavior is triggering some panic buttons about infidelity, make sure those thoughts are shared without blame about your perspective.

Yes: Your attention-seeking behavior makes me worried because I was cheated on in the past / I tend to get jealous easily, / I’m afraid of losing you.

No: Your behavior makes it seem like you’re sleeping around.

The first way works towards one of our goals: be understood. The second does nothing to accomplish that.

Frame all of your communication with the two goals of being understood and understanding her better, and you’ll be well on your way to sorting this out.

Strong communication like this is the foundation of rekindling a marriage that needs a little care. Read my recent article on the site for even more ways to turn your marriage around.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Is it normal for a married woman to be attracted to another man?

Recognizing another man aside from her husband as being attractive is totally normal for a married woman. Almost everyone occasionally sees someone else they find attractive. However, acting on those impulses is not normal or appropriate.

The only thing being attracted to another person outside of your relationship proves is that your eyes are still working properly.

It can be concerning to imagine your partner is attracted to someone else. It may leave you with some sense of insecurity and questioning your own worth.

But the truth is feeling attracted to other people doesn’t magically stop when you decide to commit to someone. That also doesn’t mean your current partner is worthless nor that they’re anything other than a great match.

Since these feelings never stop, the only thing in you or your wife’s control is how you respond.

Having rogue thoughts about others is inevitable. There’s no sense in trying to fight against them. Instead, making sure your actions don’t entertain or advance those thoughts into reality is what’s most important.

Don’t question whether or not your wife has ever felt attracted to someone else.

She has and will again. And that’s okay! Instead, look at her actions to see if it hints at something more than a fleeting fantasy, like hiding her phone use, an abnormal schedule, or taking off her wedding ring.

I detail all the signs of something more sinister than innocent flirting in a recent article. Just click that link to read all of them on my site.

Does seeking attention outside of the marriage lead to cheating?

Seeking attention outside of marriage doesn’t automatically lead to cheating, especially in a communicative and healthy marriage. But, it is a common symptom when combined with other signs of infidelity.

There are plenty of other signs your wife is thinking of leaving you.

But, attention-seeking behavior is one of the most common predictors of cheating. While that doesn’t make it a guarantee, you can be certain that something is lingering under the surface. It may be her low self-esteem, jealousy, loneliness, or even some kind of personality disorder.

There’s also a scale of severity that goes along with attention-seeking outside of marriage.

Maybe she enjoys dressing well and the compliments that come along with it—innocent enough and not much cause for concern. Actively flirting or stringing men along that are into her is another story.

The last example is extreme, but between the two points exists a whole field of a gray area that’s debatable. It’s up to you and your partner to define where the boundaries lie and make sure neither of you crosses them.

Takeaway

It’s so worrying to think our partner is not getting all they need from us.

A partner’s attention-seeking behavior can feel like taking small steps away from the marriage and towards disastrous pain. But, following the advice in this article can be a big part of the path back to both of you’s satisfaction.

Be brave and talk with your wife. Tell her this bothers you because you love her. Explain the behaviors that trigger you and share the deep dark reasons inside that might cause it. Be vulnerable, seek a mutual understanding, and any invisible wounds will begin to heal.

And if the unthinkable does happen, it’s never too late! Even after cheating, a marriage can be saved. Find out how in my recent article.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Financial Marriage Counseling: Can It Stop Your Money Fights?

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financial marriage counseling spend, save and be married wooden sign on old tree Middle Class Dad

financial marriage counseling spend, save and be married wooden sign on old tree Middle Class Dad

Talking about money as a couple is is hard, whether you are recently married, not married yet or have been together for years. If you haven’t thought about it yet, consider financial marriage counseling to help strengthen your marriage.

Here’s what you need to know:

Financial marriage counseling combines traditional marriage counseling with financial planning & education. It gets both spouses on the same page with money and fosters good communication. With money as a top reason for divorce, a good financial marriage counselor may mean the difference between success & divorce.

Research shows that, of 3,010 survey participants, nearly 70% admitted they would rather reveal the truth about how much they weigh than how much money is in their bank accounts.

“A financial marriage counselor will help you both make a plan of action for saving money and getting out of debt. They can help you with saving on unessential costs, save on taxes, help you answer questions like is it better to claim 1 or 0 to deduct your taxes and straighten out your spending, saving, and debts.”

It can also help you get on the same page about spending and borrowing money.

While money is not necessarily the number one cause of marital conflict, it is usually in the Top 3 Reasons for Divorce (click to read my article on this site). Reason #1 is easy to understand, but I was really surprised by reason #2.

So today, we’re diving in deep into the world of financial marriage counseling. We’ll explore what it is, how it can help, and what they do while you’re there.

Specifically, though, we’re exploring exactly why financial marriage counseling could not only help but maybe even keep your relationship from failing.

If you don’t have a current copy of your credit report, then we’re just shooting blindly in trying to raise your credit score.

Luckily, myFICO can get you access to your credit score and a copy of your credit report from all 3 credit bureaus (Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian)!

But myFICO does more than just get you a credit report. With their credit simulator, you can see how possible financial choices will affect your credit score in the future!

Get your 3 bureau report today and save 20%!

Learn more over at myFICO and get started today (just click the link to see all the details on their site).

co-authored with Rachael Pace, marriage and relationship in conjunction with Jeff Campbell

Should married couples share money?

Married couples should combine all financial accounts including bank accounts. When couples live separate financial lives, they eventually begin to live other aspects of their lives separately too. Divorce rates are almost twice as high for couples who do not share bank accounts.

(source)

You didn’t say “I do” but only under certain conditions. You agreed to a union; a joining. By definitely, what was mine or yours becomes “ours”.

Who makes more money or who has more debt becomes irrelevant.

That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s OK for one spouse to bring significantly worse financial baggage into the marriage and expect the other to deal with it.

Ideally, before getting married, both would-be spouses would sit down and discuss their finances; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Both would disclose things like:

  • Their income
  • Total outstanding debt including student loans
  • How many bank and credit accounts they have
  • If they owe family or other people money

Once clear, then a good financial marriage counselor can help the couple come up with a plan of how to move forward.

Some couples won’t want to combine their income and bills.

They might feel like it’s “theirs’s” or they may not want to be accountable to their spouse for how they spend their money. These people should NOT get married. If they are that selfish and secretive about money, they aren’t likely going to be saints in other ways either.

I go much further into how, when, and where couples should combine their finances in this article.

In it, I also get into the extremely high and surprising statistics about how NOT combining finances plays into divorce rates.

How can we solve money problems in marriage?

To win financially in a marriage, combine all bank accounts, have a monthly budget that both spouses agree to, have an agreement that neither spouse will make financial agreements without consulting the other, and agree to spend less than the total household income.

Money problems fall into one of 3 categories

  • An income problem
  • Lack of a plan
  • A spending problem

Make no mistake, some couples face all 3 of these. But if your marriage is struggling financially, it’s almost assuredly one of these 3 things at the root of it.

An income problem is fairly explanatory.

We know that the average household income in the US is just shy of $60,000. Obviously, if you live in New York or California, that is even higher.

So if your household income is significantly below that, we need to come up with a plan to change careers, get additional education or certifications to broaden career options, or possibly move to have better opportunities.

If income isn’t the issue, it could be spending.

A monthly household budget is a must for all families. It helps ensure that every dollar you take in gets assigned exactly where it needs to go. It also helps ensure you aren’t spending more than you make (that only works in government).

One thing that works really well if overspending is a problem in your house is to implement the 3-day rule. Essentially this means putting in place an agreement on waiting 3 days on any major purchase.

That allows you and your spouse time to really decide if you need it, and it will help with overspending.

If overspending sounds like your problem, and especially if you are in both of those boats, check out this post about how to budget on a low income.

In it, I walk you through the exact steps my wife and I took in that boat, including the 1 move that really allowed us to get real traction in paying off our debt and living the life of our dreams.

Lastly, many couples just go through financial life blindly.

They earn, they spend, they hope it balances out in the end. They use credit cards when it doesn’t and they make those minimum payments and just go along like that year after year.

The problem with that is that they are usually just 1 emergency away from financial disaster. One of them loses a job, or gets in a serious car wreck, and life comes crashing down.

A good financial marriage counselor can help you create a plan, get on a budget, and start an emergency fund (click to read my guide on how to set one up). I have 1 tip in there that can get you building that fund way faster than you ever thought possible!

How do you deal with finances in a marriage?

The best steps to take to win with money after getting married include:

  1. Combine all bank accounts 
  2. List one another as beneficiaries on all life insurance and retirement accounts
  3. Full disclosure on any debt, collections, or judgments
  4. Agree to pay off each other’s separate debts as if it was incurred together
  5. Create a monthly budget that both spouses agree to in advance
  6. Include an agreed-upon spending budget for each spouse in the budget that each can use as they wish
  7. Don’t make any financial decisions without consulting your spouse
  8. Spend less than you make
  9. Budget money every month to go into retirement accounts

Honestly, there’s a lot more than those steps.

But if you get those steps down, you’ll be way ahead of most couples and you’ll avoid the money fights that plague most marriages.

What is financial infidelity in a marriage?

Financial infidelity is when one spouse makes an intentional decision to be dishonest about something related to the couple’s finances. Examples include a secret credit card or loan, hiding debts, or making large purchases without consulting the other spouse.

And just like regular infidelity, the effects of financial infidelity can be devastating.

Trust is broken, tensions flare, and that’s all on top of the financial burden created by the financially-unfaithful spouse.

And as with sexual infidelity, marriages can and do break up over this type of behavior. But unfortunately for the victim, the debts incurred often remain joint debts if the couple is legally married, even if the debts are only in the other spouse’s name.

But even when financial infidelity isn’t a dealbreaker, it can still take years to recover the love and trust that was lost in the disclosure.

So the best policy is always to make all financial decisions together, and if you do make a mistake (which you will), own it right away and take the necessary steps to fix it.


So let’s review the . . .

7 Proven Ways Financial Marriage Counseling Can Help You

1. Building Trust Through Open Communication

Like regular marriage counseling, financial marriage counseling will help you and your partner learn how to talk to each other about money.

Just how awkward is it for couples to talk about income and spending?

One recent survey done by Aspiration found that of the more than 700 participants, only 52% of men and 60% of women tell their partner how much money they make.

Your financial advisor will help you both learn how to talk to each other about your spending, budgeting, and financial goals.

Studies show that students who grew up in households where money was spoken about openly were less likely to have problems with overspending and had less credit card debt.

The lesson? Talking openly with your partner about financial issues can boost trust in your marriage while reducing your debt.

In any form of communication, learning Empathetic Listening Skills (click to read now on my site) can really help. It ensures the speaker feels heard and validated. In fact, one of these techniques in my post may literally have saved my marriage.

2. Eliminating the Devastating Effects of Financial Dishonesty

Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest about money.

Finances are inherently embarrassing. They can be especially awkward if you have some debt or trouble with impulse purchases.

Did you know there is actually a term called ‘Financial Infidelity’?

No, this phrase does not refer to couples spending money on their secret lovers. Instead, it refers to one spouse opening up a secret bank account so that they can use it for personal spending that they don’t have to inform their partner of.

This is just one way in which you may be lying to your partner about your spending.

Over-charging credit cards, gambling, the exact amount of money you are making, lying about unpaid bills, and shopping addictions are other areas of a couple’s financial truths that they may lie about.

Seeing a financial counselor can help you and your spouse learn how to be honest about your spending habits so that you can correct any debts you have and strengthen your marriage.

3. Helping You Get on the Same Page

If you and your spouse had completely different upbringings or socioeconomic backgrounds, you may have opposing views on money.

In order to have a successful financial married life, you and your partner need to get on the same page.

Having similar views on debt and spending is crucial. Your counselor will help you understand how each other thinks about money and to make a financial plan that satisfies both of your points of view.

4. Showing the Crucial Importance of Combining Finances

Financial marriage counseling is not simply for those who are already in debt or who are mismanaging their money.

Getting on the same page with your spouse about money is crucial! Dave Ramsey, renowned financial guru, recently conducted a study on marriage and finances.

In that, he found that “couples who fight about money have roughly $30,000 in consumer debt on average, with nearly two-thirds (63%) of all marriages starting off in the red.”

He also found that more millennials are bringing debt into the marriage compared to older generations, citing that “Forty-three percent (43%) of couples married more than 25 years started off in debt, while 86% of couples married five years or less started off in the red—twice the number of their older counterparts.”

This is a problematic statistic that can leave many couples arguing over their finances once they are married. Combat this early by going to a financial advisor while you are engaged.

Financial marriage counseling will help you discuss:

  1. How bills will be split
  2. The importance of combining bank accounts
  3. How properties will be divided
  4. Advice on mutual investments
  5. The pros and cons of combined money management
  6. Many couples who are about to get married make the wise decision to visit a financial advisor to help them decide the best way in which they can combine their monies.

Ultimately for a successful marriage, you should combine finances.

That means combining all credit cards and bank accounts. Speaking of bank accounts, for real financial success, it’s actually crucial to have at least 5 different bank accounts (click to read now on my site).

Having multiple bank accounts can really make a big difference, so check out my article and see the 5 I think you must-have for financial success.

Combining finances also means all paychecks are no longer “yours” or “mine”, but “ours”.

Combine all income and expenses, make financial decisions together and you’ll be well on your way to financial and marital success.

5. Helps You Avoid Crushing Debt Problems

A survey reported on by The Washington Post found that 33% of Americans hold debt that is currently in collections.

Another study reports that 8 in 10 Americans have debt of some sort, with mortgages being the most common.

The point? Most people have some sort of debt that they’ve accumulated over time, which means that most married couples do, too.

Having debt should not be embarrassing or something you lie about to your spouse. Instead, make it something you work on together.

Bringing debt into a relationship is going to scream trouble for your relationship satisfaction and your bank account.

By attending financial marriage counseling, couples will be able to tackle harmful debt in a positive way.

Struggling with living Paycheck to Paycheck? (click to read now on my site)

I highly recommend you take a moment and check out one of the most popular personal finance posts on the Middle Class Dad website. I get into several solutions, but 1 really surprising one added over $100/month to our budget.

6. Create a Budget Together

A study done at Columbia Business School found that people were more likely to deposit money into their savings after they publicly announced their goals to save more money.

This is partly because people feel more pressure to follow through on a commitment when they are accountable to someone else.

By openly sharing goals about financial saving or paying off debts, you and your spouse will be more likely to follow through on your financial plans.

Want the best budgeting tool out there? Download my FREE Excel household budget template now!


Once you get it, you can dive deep into how to use it and why it works in another post about why this is the Best Excel Household Budget Template (click to read now on my site).

7. Helps Ease Stress

One thing a financial marriage counselor will do is help you make a complete listing of your income, debts, and living expenses.

This is important if you are considering bankruptcy as a couple or are feeling undue stress financially.

Your counselor will also help you make debt-reducing proposals, create a budget, and help you communicate about your finances.

It’s almost impossible to have a happy marriage when you’re both fretting over finances.

It’s no surprise that money, or lack thereof, can put a large amount of stress and anxiety into a marriage. By going through financial marriage counseling, you will greatly ease your burdens.

Not sure of the cost or what they do in Marriage Counseling? Or wondering if it’s too late to save your marriage? Check out one of the most popular relationship posts on the Middle Class Dad site.

Did we cover everything you wanted to know about financial marriage counseling?

In this post, we reviewed the most common financial pitfalls that couples have.

Specifically, we reviewed the best ways that financial marriage counseling can help couples move past the turmoil, strife, and tension. This can set couples up for long-term success both financially and in their relationship as a whole.

What has been your relationship’s biggest money challenge?

If you like this post, please follow my Budgeting board on Pinterest for more great tips from myself and top financial experts!

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About the co-author of this post.

financial marriage counseling Rachael Pace headshot Middle Class Dad

Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships.

She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

Want to write for Middle Class Dad too? Check out everything you need to know on my Guest Blog Page.

While I have years of successful financial & budgeting experience and run several million-dollar businesses and handled the accounting, P&L and been responsible for the financial assets of them, neither Rachel nor I am an accountant or CPA. Like all my posts, my posts are opinions based on experience, observations, research, and mistakes. While I believe all my personal finance posts to be thorough, accurate and well-researched, if you need financial advice, you should seek out a qualified professional in your area.


Why Does My Wife Act Like a Child?

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Sometimes in the heat of an argument, one or both partners resort to immature, childish behavior such as name-calling, belittling, or making fun of the other. Many husbands wonder why does my wife act like a child?

A spouse will often resort to childish behavior when they don’t feel heard, or respected, or when someone close to them makes them feel uncomfortable. In those cases, there’s a strong tendency to show our emotions the way a child does; reacting instead of responding and getting even instead of trying to resolve things.

In this article, we’ll help you understand the reasons behind childish behavior and how to encourage emotional maturity in our partners.

What are the signs of emotional maturity in a woman?

Emotional maturity is when someone can manage their feelings and how they are portrayed no matter the circumstances.

If you’re not already in a long-term relationship, it’s a good idea to look for emotional maturity in a potential partner. Some signs of emotional maturity in a woman are the ability to:

  1. Recognize and share emotions
  2. Control their emotions rather than being controlled
  3. Understand perspectives outside their own
  4. Not react impulsively in disagreements
  5. Think rationally through difficult feelings
  6. Separate themselves from a relationship problem

A partner who displays all these traits means an excellent foundation for a long life together ahead.

How do I deal with a childish or immature wife?

Deal with a childish wife by resisting the urge to retaliate. Ask questions rather than make statements, help them feel heard, and let them know how it makes you feel to be treated that way.

One sign of an emotionally immature person is a lack of awareness of how their behavior affects others.

Emotionally immature people tend to have difficulty thinking outside of themselves and may even deflect all responsibility to blame external reasons.

As frustrating as it may be, it’s important to not attack or judge.

Try understanding their behavior by asking pointed questions. Be sure to frame the questions from your perspective by qualifying it with an “I” statement.

For example:

I feel like you don’t care about me when you don’t do your share of the housework. Did you realize you do that?

Make it clear that you intend to understand them better and tackle the problem together. You’re not scolding them like a parent would a child. They should begin to see that they have responsibilities in the relationship’s success and that their behavior affects you.

Dealing with an immature spouse can be solved with open and honest communication.

Most relationship problems can. But, a childish spouse comes with some unique challenges in this department.

It seems that poor communication from the immature partner in the relationship is baked into this problem. Their lack of emotional maturity is a big part of the problem. So, expect some difficulty in communication at first.

How can I help my wife communicate better?

You can help your wife communicate better by avoiding retaliation, focus on telling her how her actions make you feel rather than criticizing her, and practicing active listening instead of just waiting your turn to talk or argue.

There’s a lot to think about in communicating well.

Teaching someone else how means there’s even more. So, here are a few tips. Keep them in mind to make sure you’re heading in the right direction with your spouse.

1. Make sure you communicate well first

Are you explaining your needs clearly? Are you able to have disagreements and reach a healthy solution? Can you control your emotions and not be overly reactive to them?

Do you project a sense of compassion towards your partner even in arguments?

You should be able to say yes to each of those before moving forward.

If not, it might be time to do some reading before approaching the big issue with your partner. You’ll need these skills in tip 2.

2. Focus on leading by example

Bringing your partner to a more mature level of communication is essential. But doing so in a supportive way is equally important. Leading the way is a great way to show what to do and make your partner feel safer to share themselves.

It feels terrible to always be the one who brings up uncomfortable topics. But, it might be necessary at first. Your partner most likely lacks these tools. So you’ll have to pick up the slack temporarily.

3. Use “I” instead of “You” statements

“I feel ______ when you _________.” This is a classic bit of advice for a reason: it works. 

It shares your feelings without placing blame on your partner. It creates an opportunity for understanding on both sides.

Immature partners may be particularly sensitive to feeling called out. So, always frame statements about behavior and personality from your perspective.

Try to understand, not attack or blame.

4. Explain your intentions

Having heavy, emotional talks is likely uncomfortable for an immature partner. Explaining the need is a great way to disarm what’s happening and make it less frightening.

Tell them you also don’t enjoy unpleasant conversations. Let them know you’re doing this because you want to be happy with them. Explain you want the best for your relationship and care deeply about it.

Another way to make these talks more approachable is…

5. Make it a routine

Check-in from time to time even if there’s no big, bad issue you’d like to discuss. Make sure they’re ok too and give your partner the time and space to share themself also.

Soon enough, it will just be another part of your daily life without any negative stigma attached.

Are you worried about how often you and your partner fight? Read my recent article that explains why it might actually be what your relationship needs!

If your partner seems particularly resistant to change, there might be something a bit trickier to worry about.

What does it mean to have a parent-child relationship with your spouse?

A parent-child relationship with your spouse is one where power and responsibility are both imbalanced. One person takes over the parental role, while the other takes on the role of a child. 

These roles are fluid, and each person can display both qualities, depending on the issue at hand.

This dynamic might seem completely unappealing, but there are some good points that could attract someone, maybe even unknowingly, into this kind of relationship.

Parent-Child Relationships can:

    • Make the “child” feel safe
    • The “child” may enjoy being taken care of
    • Make the “parent” feel like a strong protector
    • The “parent may enjoy a higher sense of power and control

A parent-child relationship can function pretty smoothly at first. The problem is that it also perpetuates both people’s flaws in a relationship.

The child’s lack of responsibility and emotional immaturity won’t be forced to improve this way. The child may grow bitter about being controlled or looked down on.

Any of the parent’s sense of strength will be overwhelmed. All the extra work it takes to manage everything the child neglects will build into resentment.

So how can you fix a parent-child relationship with a spouse?

Balance your relationship by telling your child-like spouse how you feel and what you need from them. It’s natural for a couple to have 1 person who is more responsible, but it’s not fair to that partner for all of the big decisions to fall to them alone. 

But ultimately, it’s not really that simple.

You will have to communicate your needs, be prepared to listen and ask them how they feel and what they need. It also requires an understanding that your needs may be different from theirs and how they choose to actively participate in the relationship will look different from how you do it.

As always, ask questions instead of making statements. Be patient, but clear in your communication, and ask them their opinion.

Worried that childish behavior is evidence of something bigger?

Rather than fear the worst, check out this recent article describing some signs that your wife may be thinking about leaving.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

How do I deal with my wife’s tantrums?

When one spouse loses their cool and can’t control themself, staying calm is the most important thing you can do. Don’t let their anger affect you. Remember that this isn’t someone out to harm you. This is someone emotionally stunted who is in pain. Try to stay compassionate and validate their negative feelings.

But that’s easier said than done.

You’ve tried all the advice listed above. You’ve done your best to communicate well and raise your partner with you… and failed. Instead of the peaceful resolution and make-up apologies you envisioned, the worst happened. Your wife threw a tantrum.

All the classic traits of a schoolyard scrap. Needless shouting, heavy panting, and maybe even name-calling. But you do have to know when it goes too far.

If your wife’s behavior in a tantrum ever does cross the line, even if you’ve tried compassion, genuinely listened, and validated her concerns, it’s best to disengage.

In a recent article, I detail what to do when it turns to verbal abuse, and how to recognize when it’s gone too far.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

If she throws hurtful words your way, don’t go down to her level. Instead, offer a choice.

“I’d like to talk more and help you feel better, but I won’t stand for abuse. Can you calm down, or should I leave to talk about this later?”

It’s not a threat, and it’s not aggressive. It’s a cold fact that doesn’t take control away from your angry partner.

Try all these for a very good chance at bringing a potential shouting match back to a level-headed talk. Just stay calm, and don’t be moved to anger yourself.

Takeaway

It can be a real challenge dealing with a wife who acts like a child. So, do remember to look for signs of an emotionally mature person. It can save a lot of effort and potential heartache down the line.

But, if you’re already invested in this kind of relationship, there’s still hope! Remember to always stay calm, don’t let your relationship fall into a parent-child dynamic, and be compassionate. 

Communicate well yourself and be the example your partner needs. You see that they can rise up right along with you.

Are there issues in your marriage we didn’t cover here? Need some more guidance? Check out my recent article for a whole list of ways to rekindle your marriage.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Is it Wrong to Hide Money From Your Spouse?

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Money fights are one of the biggest reasons for marital disputes and left unchecked, often leads to divorce. But many couples have wondered is it wrong to hide money from your spouse.

It is wrong to hide money from your spouse. Since all assets and debts obtained during the marriage belong to both spouses, the hiding spouse could be violating the law. More importantly, though, financial infidelity destroys trust and can irreparably damage the relationship and can lead to divorce.

But there’s a lot more to know about money and marriage!

So in this article, we’re diving deep into the world of couple’s finances. We’ll examine the best ways to avoid money fights. But we’ll also look at what they call financial infidelity and explore exactly why that’s a terrible thing to do to your spouse.

Ultimately, we’re answering the question of is it wrong to hide money from your spouse?

Let’s dive in.

What exactly is financial infidelity?

Keeping cash from your spouse is an unwritten rule for dishonesty in a marriage. And can lead to more arguments in the future.

Money is a sensitive subject, even for individuals in a marital relationship. When both individuals vowed during their matrimony to share everything from richer or poorer, so keeping a secret is a no-brainer breach of trust to the spouse.

Hiding money from your partner is what Dave Ramsey calls “financial infidelity.”

Dave, of course, is the world’s #1 money expert at least in the areas of paying off and getting out of debt and getting on a budget.

According to CreditCards.com, 19% of Americans admit having hidden money from their husbands or wives. Some spouses believe there is nothing wrong with this act since its a common practice.

But they go on to say their survey results pointed out that “only 2 percent of the adults in relationships we surveyed would break up with their significant others if they discovered their lovers had $5,000 in secret credit card debt.”

But whether or not that survey is accurate, there’s no denying the incredible damage financial infidelity does to a marriage.

Just like sexual infidelity, hiding money or accounts from your spouse can:

  • Destroy trust
  • Escalate tensions
  • Cause an increase in arguments
  • Lead to both of you making bad financial decisions behind the other’s back

Luckily, there is something called financial marriage counseling. It is great both for new couples who are committed to a future together. But it’s also great for couples who have had issues with financial infidelity. 

Check out all the details in a recent article where I break it all down.

I get into 7 specific benefits from financial marriage counseling including how much more likely couples are to fight and divorce if they don’t get this kind of help.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

Why would a spouse hide money?

ForbesWoman and NEFE or the National Endowment for Financial Education conducted an online poll among US adults.

According to this survey, 58% of those who engaged in financial infidelity hid cash and the rest on minor purchases. Small lies become a habit that increases over time.

Further to this, the survey revealed the following results:

  • 30% hid a bill such as a mobile phone or credit card bills
  • 16% lied about larger purchases such as car or houses
  • 15% has a private bank account perhaps a swiss account
  • 11% falsified their debts to cover up huge liabilities
  • 11% lied about their actual income or money earned

Several spouses hid money for specific reasons.

One reason common was piling away a nest egg as protection from a spouse who’s spending was out of control. While others simply were seeking revenge over a spouse who had cheated or committed some other offense.

And others lie to cover up their wrongdoing such as gambling, addiction, or extramarital affairs.

Lastly, some see this as an exit strategy to a relationship where they stash money secretly so when the relationship ends they have something to start their new life with.

The percentage of “infidelity” in finances has increased through the years, which has resulted in lots of doubts and mistrust.

So it’s no surprise we’re also increasing the divorce rates.

But financial infidelity is just 1 of the 11 deadliest things one spouse can do to another. In a recent article, I break down all 11 of the absolute worst things to avoid in your marriage. 

But the worst of those 11 lead to divorce more than 90% of the time. Just click the link to read it on my site.

How do I know if my husband is hiding money?

The trend of financial infidelity is increasing. So women should be vigilant in spotting red signals that indicate that their husbands are hiding money from them.

Some signs that you should watch out for:

1. Your husband does not reveal his expenses

They do not disclose where their money went. When asked, they provide you with vague responses to its whereabouts.

2. When your husband gets uptight talking about money

They could either reason out that they are tired or turn it around, questioning you about your lack of trust in them about their finances. Avoiding money conversation is a warning that they are hiding something from you.

3. Your husband pays all the bills and doesn’t talk to you about it

A household budget should be something couples talk about together. It’s OK if one does the actual bill paying. But there should be no secrets or surprises.

4. You regularly go over budget

You noticed that you are always on a negative when you have not made any large purchases over the last few months. Unknown investments that are not accounted for, resulting in higher monthly expenditures.

5. When money becomes a common reason for fights

You know that there is something wrong when petty things like buying a small item can lead to arguments. An even bigger red flag is where he shifts the blame to you for small and insignificant purchases, as it could be a sign he’s hiding something.

6. You find accounts listed under his names

If you come across a bill or statement for an account you don’t recognize, that’s a red flag.

Many spouses operate under the false assumption that a loan or asset solely under their name can’t be touched by their spouse. The truth is in most states, anything acquired during the marriage belongs to both people; assets and debt.

However, if there was a written agreement (prenup) before marriage that says otherwise, then this does not apply.

7. You have not seen your husband’s annual tax return

Couples are almost always better off filing joint income tax returns. But even if you file separately, as the wife, you should be able to review his returns at any time. If he’s hiding them, that’s a red flag.

8. Instead of using credit or debit cards, they use cash for most of their purchases

Cash flows are hard to track compared to credit card usage.

Not unless your husband does not own one, which is rare, they might be keeping something from you. Now, of course, many of you who follow Dave Ramsey may very well pay for things in cash (as my wife and I do). But if this is NEW behavior, that’s a red flag.

9. You have zero clues on what he does for a living

A marriage has to be 50-50. Both of you have to be all in and be transparent with one another. If your spouse is vague about what they do for a living or how much they make, that’s a red flag for sure.

All couples have a “fiduciary duty” to be transparent on the family’s cash flow.

Even if your spouse is the sole breadwinner, you are still entitled to half of the money they earned. So technically, they are obliged to disclose how much and where their earnings are.

Is it illegal to hide money from your spouse?

A “fiduciary duty” is an obligation to declare and provide access to their financial statements to each partner.

Whether you are the breadwinner for the non-working spouse, both parties are entitled to know the ins and outs of your money earned during the marriage.

More than the money, it’s the act of dishonesty that puts a threat in a marriage.

Financial infidelity can be just the tip of an iceberg of a more profound and underlying issue. Withholding information from your spouse is tantamount to cheating or lying breaking the trust you have for each other.

Although both parties are obligated, there are no legal penalties associated with non-disclosure. However, in divorce, concealing disinformation can result in penalties or even monetary sanctions.

Depending on the verdict of the judge, you can either be penalized to pay a monetary sanction or give up your entire share of the asset. Worst case scenario, in some states, you can even be put to jail for hiding your assets.

No one said marriage was easy.

It’s also true that ALL of us make mistakes and screw up and deserve a chance to fix whatever wrongs we have done.

In a recent article, I break down exactly WHY marriage is worth all the hard work. I show proven statistics of how you will physically and mentally benefit from working through challenges and creating a strong marriage.

Just click the link to read that on my site.

Does my spouse’s debt affect me?

One question that you would probably ask is if assets are shared, is if the same rule applies for liabilities? The answer is on a case to case basis depending on the state.

The credit score of your spouse can affect you such that you can’t file for a mortgage or loan. In states where both spouses share 100%, financial accountability cheating on finances can have a considerable bearing.

The state where you live dictates your liability on your partner’s debts.

Most states require both spouses to own each other’s debts during marriage, where community property rules apply. Thus, if the debt was acquired before marriage, it does not automatically change to joint liability.

But during the marriage, both spouses are liable. Compared to the common law property rules where debts incurred by one spouse are solely their responsibility if it was not used for the benefit of the family, such as shelter, food, and education.

These rules apply except when both parties agreed otherwise.

The spouse exemption should be clearly stated in the pre- or post-nuptial agreement. On top of this, the spouse can also agree with the lender or supplier. The deal exempts their partner for any liability concerning their debts.

How Does Bankruptcy Work in Marriage?

Under the community property rule, if one partner filed for bankruptcy, it will wipe off the debts of both spouses.

But always remember, bankruptcy is devasting to your finances. It should be seen as a last resort to avoid foreclosure and not for much else.

It’s also incredibly rewarding spiritually to dig yourself out of a mess you (and your spouse) created rather than hoping bankruptcy will magically make it all go away.

Plus there are some debts that even bankruptcy doesn’t get rid of such as student loans.

Should spouses share bank accounts?

Married couples, whether they like it or not, are obligated to share everything with their spouses, money included.

So, experts recommend couples to engage in a conversation or agreement early on the relationship before settling down together. This is an essential piece for each individual to be aware of their boundaries, avoiding any deceptions later on in the marriage.

In maintaining a family, both partners have financial obligations to their children that are meant to be split equally. So, having a joint account is ideal for that purpose.

After all, you didn’t say “I do . . . sometimes”.

That being said, each spouse should have some pocket money in the household budget that they use for whatever they want to. In those cases, unless the spouse is engaging in dangerous or illegal behavior with the money, the spouses don’t get to have an opinion on what the money gets spent on.

Trust and communication are crucial in any relationship.

I go into much greater detail into both how and why couples should share bank accounts in a recent article. I show statistics that prove it’s a bad idea, but I also show newlyweds exactly HOW to go about doing it after tieing the knot.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

Final Thoughts

In this article, we took an in-depth look at the world of marriage and money.

We examined why money fights lead to divorce, and why those things are increasing. But we also looked at some of the best things you can do in your relationship to prevent things from going south.

Ultimately, we answered the question of “is it wrong to hide money from your spouse” with a resounding YES!

Have you ever hidden money from your spouse? If so, why?


If you like this post, please follow my Save Your Marriage board on Pinterest for more great tips from myself and top marriage experts!

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How to Restore Your Marriage & Fall in Love Again – 31 Top Tips

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restore intimacy in marriage Middle Class Dad woman in a wedding dress and a man in a blue suit sitting on a dock with a city in the distance on the other side of the water

Over time in my marriage, the passion my wife and I once felt for each other diminished. Since we both recognized it, we decided to research how to restore your marriage and fall in love again.

To restore your marriage, take 100% ownership of your mistakes, know that being happy is more important than being right, go through the motions (which may feel phony at first) & set aside at least a little time weekly to connect without kids, phones, and other distractions.

But there are many more ideas below, so let’s keep going!

In this post, we’re looking at some simple, but powerful steps you can take to restore intimacy in marriage.

Tips that don’t require a ton of time, energy or money; after all, those things are often in short supply too at this stage.

Why does intimacy in marriage decrease over time?

All of us can recall those moments early on when our partner took our breath away.

I’m talking about hearts pounding, the anticipation of seeing them again, and the anxiety/excitement that often makes up our feelings early into a relationship.

But over time, life conspires against those things.

As we start careers, have kids, and get involved in other activities often we see our marriage or relationship shift further down the priority list. As with anything, when something we used to put a lot of thought and energy into ceases to be a priority, the intensity can drift away.

Sometimes too, one or both spouses engage in destructive behavior and over time, it can damage the love, trust, passion, and connection that was once there.

So if your arguments involve profanity, name-calling, or making fun of the other, make sure to review my list of the 11 Deadly Types of Marital Conflicts (click to read my article to see them all), so you can work on avoid them moving forward.

But even with a damaged marriage, there are ways to restore intimacy in marriage!

You can get back those feelings of passion for your spouse. No matter what has happened in your relationship, as long as you are willing to put a little energy into it, you can improve the connection, love, emotional, and yes, even sexual intimacy you once had.

Can couples fall in love again?

The short answer is absolutely, yes!

As I get into in many of my posts, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce in 2013 after I had an affair.

In the aftermath of the affair which had lasted about 2 months, I set about really trying to understand WHY I had done that to her and our marriage. I also set about trying to restore in the intimacy and connection in our marriage which I had all but destroyed.

To do that, I had to take several steps, and while the steps you need to take may be different, this is what I did (and it worked!)

  • I quit drinking alcohol for about 3 years (it had fueled a lot of drama between us and while it never made me do something I didn’t want to do, it did cloud my judgment)
  • I changed careers to a much more family-friendly environment (instead of one where I often worked late and joined the crew out for drinks after)
  • For my wife to feel safe and trust me, she needed to vent and get all her feelings off her chest (thus, I spent a lot of time just listening, which wasn’t always easy)

Then, in addition to that, I also did a lot of soul searching into my childhood and realized that I had an innate fear of being left. So, as with many of my previous relationships, I tended to sabotage the relationships so that I was at least in control of their ending.

Marriage IS Hard Work (click to read my article to see the difference between hard work and misery), but that doesn’t mean it has to be grueling back-breaking work.

It just takes focus, patience, and effort, but isn’t your marriage, your relationship, and your family worth it?

How do you rekindle a failing marriage?

Once you are fully aware of why and how intimacy has left your relationship then you can begin to fix it.

If you did something to damage the relationship, you must take 100% ownership and accountability for it. No excuses, no shifting blame, and no “but”‘s following the end of your apologies!

If you made a bad choice, own it, learn from it, pick up the pieces, try and move forward.

Somethings that can help are:

  • Put your own needs last, at least for a while
  • Pay attention to what matters to your spouse (those little things count!)
  • Don’t put pressure on them to get over whatever the issue is
  • If there was a serious issue, Can Marriage Counseling Help? (click to read my article to find out)!

If, however, there was no big smoking gun and your relationship has just naturally gotten stale, that’s a little different. Luckily, it’s also easier to fix!

For a boring relationship that was once passionate, try some of these ideas:

  • Go on date nights back to some of the places you went when dating (they will trigger those fond memories)
  • If need be, schedule sex weekly. Putting it on a calendar or app may seem too mechanical, but trust me; it’s better than it not happening at all!
  • Also have some time each week where you connect without the expectation of sex (no kids, no phones, no TV)

Anything worth doing requires effort, focus, dedication, and time. Marriage intimacy is no different.

Can a marriage survive without intimacy?

The short answer is probably not.

While I’m sure there are some marriages out there where both partners are content and go through the motions without that spark, connection, intimacy, and sexual chemistry, it’s probably rare.

Thus, if you are in a marriage or relationship and the intimacy is lacking or non-existent, it’s time for action!

By action, I do not mean berating or guilting your spouse.

Chances are, they are very aware of the problem and already feel bad about it. They don’t need to feel worse about themselves! In fact, just the opposite! They need to feel loved, supported, and safe enough to confide in you about what’s really going on.

While it could be that you did something to shut down your partner’s emotional connection with you, lots of things that have NOTHING to do with you can do that too, such as:

  • Abuse or neglect from the childhood that recently got triggered
  • Stress from work
  • Changes in appearance that are affecting their self-esteem

If you want to be loving and supportive, but are wondering Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy (click to read my article), I highly recommend you take a moment and review one of my most pinned posts on Pinterest which walks you through EXACTLY what to do about it!

How to restore intimacy in your marriage after kids

Parenting, done right, requires a lot of time and effort.

That time and effort have to come from somewhere, so let’s be honest. Usually, it comes from things we used to do with our spouse.

Now I’m not suggesting for a minute that you spend less time with your kids or put yourself above them on the priority list.  I am, however, suggesting you find ways to bring balance into the family.

After all, spending a ton of time with your kids and then ending up divorced doesn’t help them.

When you have a newborn, the options are limited, but as they age up, you can begin to work your marriage back into the busy schedule.

My wife and I began a routine of spending Sunday mornings alone, together basically locked in our bedroom. Our oldest 2 daughters (10 and 11 as of this writing) know to relax, grab a bowl of cereal and read a book or otherwise entertain themselves for a few hours.

It also helps foster a sense of independence with them and they know we trust them.

Kids these days can sometimes be coddled so much they never learn to fend for themselves and can end up with a low skill set and a high sense of entitlement.

Thus it’s not only a great way to restore intimacy in marriage, but it’s also an Effective Parenting Tips (click to read my article to see more).

This weekly connection time may be a simple tip, but it’s powerful and effective.

This time is not just about sex. It’s a time where we talk about our busy week and the busy week to come. We connect. The phones are down and silent. We listen, we have our coffee and we restore intimacy in marriage a little bit each and every week.

How often do married couples make love?

Of course, it varies by age, but on average, most married couples have sex once or twice a week.

If you have kids, that, of course, affects it too, as does the age of the kids. Generally speaking, as we get older, we tend to have less and less sex. For instance, by the time a couple is in their 40’s they are down 20% compared to the frequency of sex in their 30’s.

Now if you aren’t having sex at least once a week, that doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is in danger of failing. It does, however, mean it might be something you and your spouse need to re-prioritize.

I go into much greater detail on how often couples in every age bracket make love in a recent article. I not only list out all the statistics, but I explore the why behind the decline, and (more importantly) give some realistic tips married couples can use to boost their sex life.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

How do you rebuild a broken marriage?

Lots of things can break a marriage; cheating, addiction, and dishonesty being the biggest offenders.

Of those, cheating is probably the most common and among the most damaging. Infidelity can rip a marriage apart.

But while it can be a deal-breaker, it doesn’t have to be. When a partner cheats it usually isn’t that they found someone else more attractive or just wanted more sex.

Often it’s because the marriage lacked that emotional intimacy and connection that it used to have. The cheater simply didn’t know how to restore intimacy in marriage.

They took the easy way out.

Don’t get me wrong, cheating is a terrible, terrible thing one partner can do to another. I can say that having been cheated on in at least 1 of my relationships and having been the cheater in my marriage).

It’s also important for the cheater to really come to terms with the things in them that are so damaged they would be willing to do that with their partner. If we don’t get to the root of our problem, we’re much more likely to do it again.

I’ve written extensively about how to Save a Marriage After Infidelity (click to read my post on how to do it), so if you’re in that boat, I highly recommend taking a moment to read that highly shared post.

How do you know if your marriage is worth saving?

This one is easy.

Even if it’s a negative emotion, do you feel an emotional reaction when you think of your spouse? If yes, that means there’s something there. And that something IS something. You can work with that and build from there.

The only deal-breaker for me is physical violence.

Almost any other issue can be fought and overcome IF both of you are willing to work at it. So if you and your spouse simply co-exist with little to no interaction, energy, or even anger,  that’s a bad sign. I’m not saying it can’t be saved with professional help.

But I am saying it’s better to try and save your marriage before all emotions get drained from the relationship. 

So what are my . . . 

31 Proven Steps to bringing back the love and passion to your marriage?

1. However much time you spend together each week, try and increase it by 5% each month

So if you typically spend an hour together on the couch watching TV each night after the kids go to bed, try adding just an extra 5 minutes a night.

Ideally, have that be before turning on the TV so you can just check in.

2. Have a daily check-in with your spouse

Connect every day, if briefly, to hear how the day went and what went right or wrong.

Spouses who are connected and involved with each other’s struggles are much more likely to cling to one another in a storm instead of pushing each other away.

3. Show affection in small ways daily

Kiss your spouse goodbye when you head off to work.

Say “I love you” before you go to bed. These things may be small, but they matter. And over time, they form a pattern and help program your thoughts and theirs to be interconnected.

It’s honestly one of the easiest ways to restore intimacy in marriage.

4. When you are together, put the phones down and focus on each other

Phones are great. You are likely reading this on one.

But phones, however well-intentioned the designers may have been, have a way of disconnecting us instead of connecting us. Thus to truly restore intimacy in marriage, you have to set the phones down and really connect with one another.

To dive in deeper on that subject, take a moment, and read the facts on How Technology Affects the Brain Negatively (click to read my detailed article).

5. Focus on appreciating the little things your spouse does

Most spouses do little things for each other that often go unnoticed.

It could be a surprise snack a wife pack’s in her husband’s lunch. But it could be just watching the kids so a wife can get a well-deserved night out with her friends.

When your spouse does something like that, don’t take it for granted.  Acknowledge it!

However small, appreciate the fact that they did something for you they didn’t have to do. And do something for them in return sometime without any expectations of it being returned.

6. And focus less on what expectations you have that they aren’t meeting

Many of us stop focusing on appreciating our partners and focus more on having expectations of them.

Specifically, many of us have expectations of what they aren’t doing for us or what we think they should be doing. Unless they recently developed a drug habit or other dangerous activity, chances are this is how they always were.

Thus to expect them to suddenly change is neither fair nor realistic.

So one of my best tips to restore intimacy in marriage is to stop having expectations of your spouse.

7. Apologize often and without excuses

A basic apology is under-used in our society.

We’re almost conditioned to try and justify mistakes or shift the blame. How many times have you heard someone say “I’m sorry, but . . . ” The moment a “but” follows an apology, it ceases to be a genuine apology.

A true apology owns it without excuses. Either you did it or you didn’t. If you did; own it.

8. Take ownership of your actions or inactions

Along those same lines, it’s vital to really take ownership of our actions, statements, and inactions.

If you did it, or forgot to do it, or said it, even in the heat of an argument. Own it. Then take responsibility for it and fix it.

9. Realize sometimes that being happy is worth more than being right

Truth be told there have been times when I’ve apologized to my wife even when I didn’t actually think I had done something wrong.

As spouses, we have to choose our battles. We won’t win them all. But at the end of the day, would you rather be right most of the time or happy?

Looked at another way. When you see that guy alone on the barstool whose wife divorced him and now another man is raising his kids, was it really that important for him to be “right” every time they argued?

10. Identify a few ways your spouse has helped you be a better person and verbalize that to them and others

All of us who have been married any length of time have no doubt grown as people, in part with the help of our spouse.

So really think about how you and your life have improved due, at least in part, to the influence of your spouse. Once you’ve identified those things, tell people!

Make sure your spouse knows how you feel, but also family & friends.

restore intimacy in marriage Middle Class Dad couple holding hands at night with their arms wrapped in Christmas lights

11. When things are rough, focus on a time when things were at their best, and when possibly repeat those earlier things

All relationships go through rough patches.

When yours does, instead of focusing on the issue at hand, and especially instead of being critical of your spouse, think back to happy memories.

I don’t for a minute want you to not resolve the conflict. But don’t get so caught up in the moment that you forget how you truly feel about them.

12. Surprise your spouse with something nice and unexpected

It’s always a nice gesture to do something your spouse doesn’t expect. That could be surprising them with lunch, or sending flowers to their work. But it doesn’t even have to be that fancy.

If they normally clean the kitchen, get up early, and clean it. If they usually eat lunch out, get them a gift card to their favorite place.

It doesn’t have to be often, but it’s best if it’s for no reason; so not birthdays or anniversaries.

13. Say “I love you” daily at least a couple of times

Saving a marriage, or restoring intimacy in marriage often doesn’t come down to huge grand gestures. So tell your spouse you love them every day.

My wife and I often just text each other “143”, our abbreviated form of I Love You.

14. Text your spouse randomly for no reason once or twice a week

Don’t bombard your spouse with texts while you or they are at work. But a surprise text every now and then for no particular reason is sweet and a great way to connect during a hectic day.

15. Set aside a few hours once a week where you shut the world out and focus on each other

As I mentioned above, my wife and I make Sunday mornings “our time”. Granted since we had a baby in the fall of 2017, that has changed a little.

But our older girls still know to fend for themselves for a couple of hours when they get up.

That is my wife and I’s time to connect, download on the week, and recharge our marital batteries. And yes; that’s also a great time for sex (once the baby starts a nap).

16. Make sure that sex is a priority

This goes hand in hand with the above section, but sex has to be an important part of a successful relationship. That doesn’t mean it has to be daily like it may have been in the early days. But it should at least be weekly.

If your sex life has drifted off of that, take the time and effort to get it back on track.

17. But also touch often without the expectation of it leading to sex

One criticism I often hear about guys is that we see any affection from our spouse as a possible intro to sex. So make sure that you give and receive affection without the expressed intent of it leading to sex.

If it ends up leading to sex, great! But don’t always have that expectation.

18. Do something fun and silly with your spouse every once in a while

The other day while finishing up cooking dinner I just put on a Billy Idol song (“Dancing with Myself”) and the whole family, baby included, burst out into an impromptu dance party in the kitchen.

It was silly, served no purpose, but it was fun. And we connected as a family in a wholesome and goofy way. Being serious all the time = no fun.

19. Compliment your spouse on a quality they have, not just their physical appearance

Sure your spouse wants to hear how attractive you think they look. But that shouldn’t be the only compliment you pay them. After all, that’s a physical attribute they were largely born with.

Take the time to compliment them on a quality or skill they have developed; something they feel 100% responsible for.

Something like how they dealt with a difficult situation smoothly & calmly. Or how great the newly refinished dining room table looks they’ve been working on.

20. Kiss and be affectionate every day

Just like with random texts and “I love you”s, be affectionate with your spouse. Don’t be afraid to let the kids see too.

After all, a great many of their friend’s parents could be divorced, so seeing the 2 of you together being loving is a great thing.

21. Understand that your spouse needs a little time apart from you and the kids

I love my wife and I love my kids. But if I spend 24/7 with them, after a while I get a little stir crazy. The same is true for all of us.

So be supportive of your spouse needing some time out occasionally with their friends, or for a hobby.

Don’t be jealous of that, don’t take requests for that personally, and absolutely don’t try and prevent those things or always invite yourself along.

I know a thing or two about being a Clingy Guy (click to read my post), so if that sounds familiar, check out my post for tips on moving past that.

22. Realize that time apart makes the time together more special

So when we do have time apart, when we do come together, it makes the time that much sweeter. It allows you time to miss each other’s company.

It gives you something to talk about too and plays a key role in keeping or restore intimacy in marriage.

If you spend every waking moment together, what would you ever talk about?

23. That being said, do have weekly activities you do together and/or as a family

On the other hand, couples that grow to do EVERYTHING separately have grown apart. Forging 2 individual lives is a road that can easily lead to affairs and/or divorce.

So to keep a marriage strong or restore intimacy in marriage, make sure to have regular family activities each week also.

It doesn’t have to break the bank either. It could be a neighborhood walk, board game night or family movie night.

24. Don’t complain about your spouse to their friends, family or someone of the opposite sex

We all occasionally want and need to vent about our spouse. That’s OK.

But there are some important ground rules for that. For one, don’t complain to your family or their family. After all, if all your mom ever hears about your spouse is all the terrible things they have done to you, guess what?

They will hate your spouse!

Have that 1 good friend you can talk to openly and honestly (but make sure they are getting a balanced picture).

Above all, avoid talking negatively about your spouse with someone of the opposite sex or someone with whom there could possibly be more than platonic interest.

25. Do praise your spouse openly to all

Make sure your friends and family know how amazing your spouse is. They aren’t perfect but I bet there are some amazing qualities they possess.

So focus on the good stuff more than the bad stuff, especially when talking with family & friends.

We are what we think and say. If those things are mostly negative, that’s what you will be.

So to restore intimacy in marriage, thinking, and saying mostly positive things about your spouse is crucial.

26. Find ways to make your spouse laugh often

A sense of humor is important. But even if your stand-up routine isn’t quite up to par, it’s not hard to find little ways to make your spouse smile.

27. Support your spouse unconditionally

I don’t always understand everything my wife thinks is important. I may not even always agree with her on every decision she makes.

While I’m always going to be honest with her, I do my best to support her and back her when she feels strongly about things.

If your spouse feels like you turn a blind eye or disagree with them every time they stand up for something, that’s a recipe for disaster.

28. Don’t go to sleep angry

It sounds simple enough and it’s a basic thing we’ve all heard. But if you and your spouse fight, don’t go to bed angry.

You don’t have to keep going round and round until it’s fully resolved, but you can agree to disagree or agree to finish the conversation tomorrow.

Remember; you’re both on the same team.

29. When your spouse has had a bad day, just listen without the intent to fix things

Trust me; I’m a fixer. It’s taken me many years to be able to just listen and NOT try and troubleshoot what my wife is venting about.

I also don’t get it right every time.

But if you’re spouse had a bad day just listen. That’s not to say you can’t interject or have to sit in silence. But don’t immediately start trying to problem solve.

30. Avoid over-scheduling your kids; it isn’t good for them and can leave little of you left over for your spouse

In my day job running a martial arts school, I couldn’t tell you how many parents and kids I talk to where the kids do 2-4 different after-school activities each week.

Kids need downtime. They need to just go outside and play with their friends.

You or your spouse, on the other hand, are not chauffeurs. So don’t overschedule your kids. Pick 1 or 2 activities they are drawn to and stick with those.

When we overschedule, the net result is everybody ends up run down.

31. When a conflict arises, practice the “when you . . . I feel . . . because” method of expressing your feelings

I learned this many years ago from one of my first bosses at Whole Foods Market (thanks, Caitlin).

My wife and I practiced this regularly and it’s key to maintaining or restoring intimacy in marriage. Essentially when we’re arguing, it becomes all too easy to become critical, belittling, or contemptuous of the other.

Instead, say “when you (insert something they are doing or saying), I feel (describe how that makes you feel), because (describe why it makes you feel that way.

Then stop and listen to what they say.

Because you aren’t attacking them or being critical of them personally, they will be much more apt to hear you and respond constructively.

Final thoughts

In this post, we took a look at some key ways to restore intimacy in marriage.

ALL marriages can drift. All partners can slowly see the connection between them diminish. Anything worth doing requires a steady supply of time, energy, focus, and commitment and marriage is no different.

These simple tips are the very same ones my wife and I used to rebuild our marriage after we discussed divorce in 2013, so I KNOW they work. And they can work for you too!

If you like this post, please follow my Save Your Marriage board on Pinterest for more great tips from myself and top marriage experts!

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What is the Best Age to Get Married? (and stay that way!)

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For my first marriage, I got married just before I turned 21. I know, in retrospect, that was way too young, so I began to wonder what is the best age to get married?

While the current average ages to get married are 29.8 for men and 27.8 for women, the best age to get married and not get divorced is between the ages of 28-32. By contrast, the absolute worst ages to get married, in terms of impacting the divorce rate, are ages 20-24.

But there’s a lot more to know about average ages for engagements and marriages. We’ll also examine the worst ages that more often than not lead to divorce.

So let’s dive in!

For more great marriage statistics, also make sure to check out my 15 Surprising Marriage Statistics by Age Group (click to see my complete list). 

What is the average age to get married in 2018?

According to the US Census Bureau, the average age

to get married in the United States is  29.8 for men and 27.8 for women.

That’s a 10% increase over the rates from 2003.

So what does that tell us? Right out of the gate, it tells us that millennials are waiting longer to get married than Generation X and Baby Boomers.

It also tells us that men are slightly older than women when they get married the first time.

If we go back in time a little further, we see that in 1978 a whopping 59% of young adults (18-34) were married compared to only 29% today. So 30% fewer adults under age 34 are choosing to get married in this day and age.

Another interesting takeaway is that 54% of young adults up to age 24 are still living at home, which explains the delay in getting married compared to previous generations.

Of course, different states see different trends compared to the nationwide average, so here are some of the most notable exceptions for certain states in the US.

  • Washington DC sees both sexes waiting until age 30 to marry
  • Idaho, Oklahoma, and Kansas sees ’em starting young, at ages 27 for men and 25 for women
  • Utah sees the youngest averages with 26.2 for men and 24.2 for women

So if you’re anywhere around age 30, just know you’re right in the target for the age most people are getting married these days.

For more great marriage statistics, also make sure to check out my 17 Astonishing Infidelity Recovery Statistics (click to see my complete list).

What is the best age to get married?

Generally speaking, the ideal age to get married is slightly higher than the average ages are.

As we discussed, the average ages for men and women to get married are 29.8 for men and 27.8 for women. By contrast, the best ages to get married and not find yourself divorced is between the ages of 28-32.

To be specific, the ideal age for a man to get married and not get divorced is 35. For women, that ideal age to get married and stay that way is age 30.

By comparison, ages 20-24 have the highest rates of divorce of between 35-40%.

So the immediate takeaway away is don’t be in a hurry to marry if you’re under 30. And if you’re under 25, DON’T GET MARRIED.

Date, get engaged, figure out how life works, but if you are between 20-24 and want to get married, you have upwards of a 40% chance of getting divorced.

But even waiting until age 23 reduces divorce rates by 50% from what they are for 20-year-olds.

The make that story worse, if you think you’ll just get it right the 2nd time around, 2nd marriages end in divorce a whopping 60% of the time.

Marriage IS hard work, so don’t go into marriage expecting it to be easy.

Even if your dating life was smooth sailing, once careers, life, in-laws and especially kids come into the picture, things have a way of getting complicated. But I wrote this article which breaks down not only why it’s hard, but also why it’s so worth it.

But the big surprise I discovered in writing that post was how much longer happily married couples live compared to divorced or single people.

What is a good age to get engaged?

We know from the statistics reviewed elsewhere in this post that dating for a minimum of 3 years produces the best results in terms of how long couples remain married.

Then we also know that for men, the ideal age to get married and not get divorced is age 35 and for women, it’s age 30. But anywhere in the 28-32 age range does produce great results in terms of couples staying together.

We also know that, according to The Knot, couples date between 1-2 years before getting engaged.

So, if we do some math, that tells us the following in terms of the ideal age to get engaged:

  • A man marrying at age 35, would ideally start dating his would-be spouse at age 32
  • That same man would then get engaged between age 33-34
  • A man marrying at age 30, would ideally start dating her would-be spouse at age 27
  • That same woman would then get engaged between age 28-29

So to sum up, the ideal age to get engaged is between ages 28-33 with an overall ideal length of dating and engagement being 3 years.

Is 23 a good age to get married?

23 is the absolute youngest age you should get married.

Generally speaking ages 20-24 are the absolute worst ages to get married and not end up divorced. The longer you wait from those ages, the more your chances improve.

But age 23 does see a 50% improvement in divorce rates over 20-year-olds.

But we know scientifically, that between ages 28-32 are the ideal average ages to get married, so while it’s perfectly fine to date, and get engaged, to give your relationship the best chance of success, don’t be in a hurry.

Beyond getting married too young, you’ll also want to avoid the Top 3 Reasons for Divorce (click to read my article that breaks them down). See if you aren’t as surprised as I was to see what reason #2 was.

How long should you date before marriage?

Well, the answer here is probably longer than my wife and I waited.

My wife (#2) and I met and started dating in October 2005 and got married in August 2006. So we dated for a total of 10 months, and we weren’t 100% together for all of that.

But here we are, very happily married, many years later.

According to a University of Texas study, 25 months is the best length of time to date before marriage and stay happily married. That study examined 168 couples over a 14 year period.

Emory University backed up those findings with their own study of 3,000 couples.

They found that:

  • Couples who dated 3 or more years had divorce rates 39% lower than average
  • Couples who dated 2 years were 20% less likely to marry

So what that tells us is that you ideally want to date for 2-3 years before tying the knot.

One question that comes up all the time when dating is this person “the one”?

People sometimes drive themselves crazy trying to figure out if the person they are in a relationship with is their soulmate. If you’re questioning that too, you’ll want to check out this article I wrote that breaks down the soulmate signs coincidences.

Most importantly, you can read the difference between a soulmate and a twin flame, as a twin flame is definitely NOT someone you’d want to marry.

Final Thoughts

In this article, I took a look at marriage ages and trends.

We explored the average ages people get married and compared that to previous generations. We also looked at how the age we get married impacts divorce rates.

In the end, we determined that while the average age to get married is 29.8 for men and 27.8 for women, the BEST age to get married is 28-32.

What age did you (or will you) get married?

To get your marriage off to the right track, make sure and check out my Marriage Resource Page (just click to see it on my site)

That’s a page on my website reserved for the very best tools, guides, products, and programs designed to make marriage a little easier. If it’s helpful for marriage and I know about it, you can bet it will be on that page!