How To Make My Wife Appreciate Me – 13 Proven Tips


people, relationship difficulties, conflict and family concept - unhappy couple arguing at home

Almost all married couples hit a wall a few years in. Life, kids, careers, and routine can make almost anyone start to feel taken for granted. I’ve felt that way too and wondered how to make my wife appreciate me.

Here’s what I did to fix that:

  1. Do little things for her without wanting anything in return
  2. Learn about her love language and how to communicate with her
  3. Appreciate her for who she is
  4. Drop your expectations of who you think she should be
  5. Ask yourself if you’re just being insecure
  6. Don’t jump to conclusions about her behavior
  7. Talk about your feelings (without accusations)
  8. Be 100% accountable for your role in the situation

But that’s just a quick snapshot of the solution!

Below, I not only answer a few related questions, but I’ll share with you 17 specific tips on how to turn things around and get the two of you reconnected.

Let’s get into it!

You CAN save your marriage — even if you think your wife doesn’t appreciate you.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage, as my wife and I almost divorced in 2013.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

And yet, my wife and I are happily married, years later, with a 3rd child born in 2017.

How did we do it?

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom, as my wife and I did.

It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better. So if you think you might be there, you should take a moment and learn about the website Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

This quote from Anne M. perfectly sums it up: 

“Regain has been the unbiased saint for my family. (Our therapist) was able to create a safe and unbiased environment so that my husband could share his feelings. We were on the verge of divorce and are now happier than we’ve ever been!”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

How do you get your partner to appreciate you?

To get your spouse or partner to appreciate you more, start doing little things for them without expecting anything in return, but avoid being too clingy or needy or seeming desperate.

But there are several things you can do to get your partner to appreciate you.

First, I have to make it clear that this isn’t about a narcissistic or egotistical plan to be adored. It’s about being in a relationship and feeling underappreciated.

When you have been in a relationship long enough, especially in a marriage, it’s easy to take our partners for granted. Married people oftentimes fall into daily routines that even the simple gesture of making your husband or wife breakfast or coffee is taken for granted.

However, overlooking the small things people do for each other doesn’t mean the relationship has gone bad.

We all get wrapped up in our daily lives that it is nice to be reminded once in a while that we are loved and appreciated.

How do you handle a wife who takes you for granted?

If your wife routinely takes you for granted, start by telling her how it makes you feel. Avoid accusations and focus on your feelings. It’s also important that you aren’t putting your own feelings of insecurities on her.

So, first of all, you have to ask yourself, “Why do I need to feel appreciated?”

You should do nice things for someone because you genuinely want to. No one should do things for anyone, especially for their partners, and expect something in return.

If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

It’s natural to want to feel appreciated. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who does not appreciate your presence in their lives.

With that being said, you should not be in a relationship if you’re looking for constant validation for everything you do for your partner.

As I have said earlier, it is easy to fall into the daily grind of life and forget that you and your wife chose to share your life with each other.

Are you happy?

And if so, are you happy with yourself and who you are whether or not your spouse is in your life? In my recent article, you can check out the signs a man is being clingy.

Just click that link to read that on my site.

When a person is happy and secure with who they are and aware of their value, that feeling of worth will radiate. People can see and feel it when you are genuinely happy with yourself. It’s easy to draw people to you this way rather than forcing them to realize your worth.



Now, here are my 13 tips on . . .

How to get your wife to appreciate you more

1. Do little things for them regularly regardless of whether they return the favor

Whether it’s little things like making the morning coffee or a nice breakfast in bed, do things for your partner without expecting anything in return.

This goes without saying that showing your appreciation through both small and big gestures in any loving and healthy relationship is essential for both partners to receive and extend.

Regularly showing your partner that you appreciate them will show them how much they mean to you. You don’t have to make grand gestures every day. If they truly love you, they will adore everything you do for them, even the smallest things.

Depending on what your wife likes, doing something like getting them flowers or their favorite treat will surely hit the spot. Make them remember that the small, everyday things can be special.

For anniversaries and other relationship milestones that need to be celebrated, this is when you can go all out. For example, ask your partner to plan your next getaway with you. Not only will it strengthen your bond with them, but it will also give you both something to look forward to.

2. Avoid having expectations and just appreciate them for who they are

When you and your wife got married, do you still remember what made you choose them over other people? Do you still think about those reasons to this day? 

Do not fall into the trap of idealizing your partner and putting them on a pedestal.

You have to love them and accept them for who they are. Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, but they have to be communicated to your partner.

These expectations should also be reasonable for them to achieve.

Appreciate them for their role in your life. If you put too much expectation on them, you will find yourself disappointed.

People change as they age, and as the years go by, relationships change as well. Remember that even you aren’t the same person that you were when you first got married. What matters for the both of you is how you have progressed within your marriage.

Remember that you got married so that both of you can grow together and build a life together.

3. Give them the benefit of the doubt (avoid jumping to unfounded conclusions)

Do not automatically expect the worst just because you are feeling unappreciated. Remember that it is normal to feel some kind of disconnect in any kind of relationship.

Couples can get caught up on work and other familial responsibilities that they sometimes forget to spend time with each other. Before you assume the worst, step back and assess the whole picture.

One of the things that you might worry about is if your wife wants to leave you. Is there even a reason to assume that, to begin with?

In my recent article, I talk about the signs if your spouse is getting ready to leave you. Jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst can and will reflect badly on you. But there are some definite warning signs to be on the lookout for.

Just click the link to see all of those signs on my website.

4. Try and remain positive

It may sound hard to remain positive during this time, but it will benefit you to remain positive. This goes back to what I was saying about knowing your worth.

It’s not healthy to anchor your well-being and happiness on one person. Being able to self-soothe is an important skill that you can use as an adult.

Do not lean on destructive behaviors such as consuming alcohol or drugs to soothe your worries. Instead, focus on productive activities.

For example, you can work on a personal project, relax and listen to your favorite music while enjoying a cup of tea, or even treating yourself to a relaxing massage.

It is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling negative emotions.

All of us have them. It means that we care enough that we get upset when things seem to have gone wrong.

5. Learn about different love languages (hers is likely different than yours)

Do you know your partner’s love language? The five love languages were developed by a marriage counselor who devised a simple analogy about how people show their love and want to receive it in different ways.

The five love languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Does your partner love hearing how much you love and appreciate them? People whose love language is words of affirmation can feel the most love through words.

Acts of Service

Does it mean a lot to them when you do things for them, whether it’s helping them out on a task or doing something for them as a surprise?

People whose love language is acts of service feel most loved when their loved one is making big and small gestures for them as well as giving it.

Receiving Gifts

Does your partner love it when you give them gifts, whether they’re simple or extravagant? People who prefer this love language will appreciate and feel very much loved when receiving gifts from their loved ones.

Quality Time

Does your partner prefer spending time with you, whether just relaxing on the couch at home or going on some exciting adventure with you? When someone uses quality time to express their love, time matters over everything else.

Physical Touch

Do they love massages, holding hands, kisses, and/or intimate moments with you?

If your partner’s love language is touch, then you can connect with them through touch. It doesn’t have to be sexual or turn into sex. Physical touch can be intimate without turning into anything sexual, proving the depth and strength of a relationship.

Whether or not you believe that the love languages are real and accurate, wouldn’t it be nice if you and your wife knew the best way to show your love for each other?

If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

6. Tell her how you feel (but avoid accusations)

If your wife’s love language is words of affirmation, chances are communication is very important to them. It will mean a lot to them if you tell them how you truly feel.

Your partner is not a mind reader, and the only way they would know for sure how you really feel is if you are honest about your feelings. Find a good time to sit down and talk to them without any distractions. You can try and plan a laid-back day for the both of you and be straightforward about your intentions.

Make sure you approach them with caution and be careful not to come off as accusatory.

It won’t work in your favor if your wife feels like you are accusing them of something. Be calm and use gentle words when communicating your feelings. Being honest to your partner doesn’t mean you have to sugarcoat your words.

7. Is she over-worked and can you lighten her load?

Is your spouse swamped with work? If their love language is acts of service, you can do many things for them.

It’s inevitable to neglect quality time, especially with married couples who are working hard to create a good life for their spouse and their family. Have you noticed that your wife has been so busy lately? If they are working and have children, it’s expected that kids and work are their top priority.

Even if they’re just small things like running simple errands or picking up a chore or two, helping your spouse in whatever way you can to lighten their load can make a difference.

As I have said earlier, communication is important. Sit down with your spouse and have a conversation with them. Ask them what they need and what you can do for them.

Be sincere and follow through with the things you say you’re going to help them with.

8. Touch and be romantic without the expectation of sex

If your spouse’s love language is physical touch, you can try to be romantic with them by offering massages or whatever their preferred physical connection is.

Respect goes both ways, especially with anything physical so make sure that boundaries are being respected from both sides. Listen to your spouse and don’t do anything that they have said no to.

This doesn’t have to be sexual. In fact, it’s best if you approach this in a non-sexual way. Enjoy each other’s presence and physical touch without having it turn into sex.

Make your wife know that you appreciate her and value her in other ways other than someone you have sex with.

Even just cuddling with them while watching a movie or putting your arm around them while walking can make an impact. If they are huggers, they would appreciate random, loving hugs whenever you can spare them.

Be sincere and show them that you love them and care about them beyond the confines of sex.

9. Practice empathetic listening (rather than just waiting your turn to talk)

Earlier I mentioned speaking to your partner about how you really feel. It’s also important to be a good listener. You also need to be willing to listen to your partner as they listen to you.

Establishing a good line of communication is essential in a healthy and loving relationship. But it’s important to be as good of a listener as it is being an effective communicator.

And I don’t mean to say just listen. It’s vital to understand what your spouse is communicating to you about.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions or hesitate to ask for clarification as well if there’s anything you’re struggling to understand. It will not serve you any good if you only listen for the sake of listening.

If you need some more ideas, you can check out tips on how to be a good listener in a recent article.

I get into several simple, actionable tips you can use today to not only make you a better listener but (more importantly) help her feel heard more. And better understood too.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

10. Pull back a little (if you think you might be smothering her)

There’s nothing wrong with pulling back a little bit if you feel like you might be smothering your spouse. Just make sure you don’t instantly become aloof and distant, as that might seem like you’re trying to “punish” her.

Again, communication can also be helpful in this situation as it’s only fair that they understand what your intentions are. Sometimes people who feel smothered can start acting a little differently, but again, communication can mitigate a lot of the guesswork.

Give them space and use that new free time to improve yourself or your household.

You can work on your hobbies, maybe start reading a new book, or even pursue an endeavor that you always wanted to pursue but never had time to.

I also would encourage you to do the same for your partner.

Be supportive, like encouraging them to take up painting if they’ve always talked about wanting to do it and tell them you would love to have their paintings displayed around your home.

This is just an example, but you can do it with other areas of interest your spouse likes.

11. Thank her for what she is doing and be genuinely grateful

Let’s face it, as cliché as it sounds, life has its ups and downs, and being able to share your life with another person can be an incredible experience.

Thank your partner for choosing you and building a life together with them.

Think about all the moments you’ve shared together. Good and bad, be grateful that they were there with you.

If you have children, thank your wife for carrying them and giving birth to them. Be genuinely grateful for their presence in your life. Do they work hard to help provide a good life for you and your kids?

Do you think they’re doing a good job raising your kids? Tell them how much you appreciate what they do. Thank them for it. It also doesn’t hurt if you make it a habit of expressing gratitude to each other regularly.

It’s not hard to do and can create such a huge impact on your relationship.

12. Ask yourself honestly if you’re just being insecure

It’s natural to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy in any relationship.

Even couples in healthy unions go through this. What makes a difference is how you act on those feelings. As I have said multiple times, honesty is important. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself some real and hard questions.

Are you feeling insecure, and if so, what is causing it? 

Again, it’s fine to feel this way sometimes, but how are you addressing it? People tend to keep looking for more negative things when they are upset. It might not even be your wife that’s causing these feelings.

It could very well be something external and not connected to your relationship with your spouse but might be influencing the uneasiness you feel around her.

It could be anything from stress at your workplace or something more personal.

See if the problem could be resolved by facing a problem that only you can resolve. Be honest with yourself and observe from within.

13. Have you done anything to damage the marriage and not been 100% accountable for that?

We’re all humans and therefore subject to making a lot of mistakes. In relationships, sometimes, one person may falter. Have you done anything that might compromise your marriage? 

Have you been unfaithful to your spouse or even just sent inappropriate texts to a female co-worker? If the answer is yes and you haven’t been held accountable for your actions, something needs to change.

Either the guilt will eat you up slowly and quietly, or resentment toward your partner will keep growing.

You will end up not only hurting your spouse badly, but you will also hurt yourself as well as any children who are caught in between.

If you mess up and want to turn things around, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner.

Accountability is a sign of growth as well as sincerity. You will never be able to be truly happy and content if you and your spouse are not held accountable for your own actions.

If you need any ideas on reconnecting with your partner and rekindling your marriage during this time, check out my recent article.

In that article, I actually share the 15 specific things I did to fix my marriage after I had an affair and my wife was considering divorce. That was 2013, and here we are today, happier than ever!

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Final Thoughts

In any partnership, it’s important to feel wanted and appreciated.

There are several things you can do to make your wife appreciate you. Whatever the reason may be to cause you to feel this way about your wife, communication and honesty are the most important things to remember.

Learning each other’s love languages can also be very helpful in reconnecting with them and rekindling the love between you both.

Getting caught in the humdrum routines of life is hard to avoid, but there are a number of things you can do to make sure that your relationship endures and stays healthy.

You CAN save your marriage — even if you think your wife doesn’t appreciate you.

I feel your pain and I know firsthand what it’s like being in a troubled marriage, as my wife and I almost divorced in 2013.

It can be devastating to both of you also. And that’s on top of the financial burden, the stigma, the emotional drain, and the feeling of all those wasted years.

And yet, my wife and I are happily married, years later, with a 3rd child born in 2017.

How did we do it?

The turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom, as my wife and I did.

It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better. So if you think you might be there, you should take a moment and learn about the website Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

This quote from Anne M. perfectly sums it up: 

“Regain has been the unbiased saint for my family. (Our therapist) was able to create a safe and unbiased environment so that my husband could share his feelings. We were on the verge of divorce and are now happier than we’ve ever been!”

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

 

Jeff Campbell

Jeff Campbell is a husband, father, martial artist, budget-master, Disney-addict, musician, and recovering foodie having spent over 2 decades as a leader for Whole Foods Market. Click to learn more about me

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