How to Rebuild Your Wife’s Trust – 15 Proven Ways

In 2013, I cheated on my wife. It’s not my proudest moment, and as you can imagine, it took a while for my wife to trust me again. Here’s what I learned about how to regain my wife’s trust:

  1. Admit your indiscretion
  2. Take 100% ownership and accountability for the issue
  3. Avoid blaming others or trying to justify the choice
  4. Be 100% transparent and open
  5. Allow your spouse to vent without trying to defend yourself
  6. Work on yourself to get to the root of the problem so it doesn’t happen again

But there’s a lot more to say about regaining your wife’s trust and restoring a relationship. The good news is that trust can be restored, and your marriage can be saved. You can have a healthy relationship again!

Not only was I able to regain my wife’s trust, but my marriage is not better than it’s ever been.

So, if you’re wondering how to regain your partner’s trust and want to save your marriage, you’ve come to the right place.

Just keep reading!

15 Effective Steps on how to regain your wife’s trust

1. Take 100% ownership for what happened

Whatever your indiscretions, the first step is to take 100% ownership. Whether you cheated, got into deep debt, or any other kind of hot water, you need to own it.

Don’t place blame on your wife or anyone else. You can’t control many things in your life, but you can always control yourself.

Don’t try to sugarcoat it, either. Tell your wife exactly what happened in as much detail as she wants. Apologize once, take complete ownership, and then tell her how you are going to fix it.

2. Avoid trying to justify why you did what you did

Whatever you do, don’t try to justify what you did. It’s only going to sound like you’re making excuses. Making excuses means you’re not taking ownership of your choices.

It’s going to lead to placing blame, and inevitably, fighting.

Some daily bickering and going back and forth is completely normal and okay. But if it gets into name-calling, criticism, and yelling, it’s counter-productive at best. It’s damaging at worst.

To read more about how damaging constant fighting can be, read this recent article.

In this article, I talk about how some small daily fights can be okay. I also talk about how damaging it can be if you call names, constantly criticize, or yell. You’re trying to regain your wife’s trust, not pick fights.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

3. Don’t focus on trying to convince her of anything – show her through your actions

Actions will always speak louder than words.

If you are serious about regaining your wife’s trust, don’t try to convince her of it. Do whatever you can to show her that you want to save the marriage and that she can trust you again.

Let her have complete access to your phone, computer, and social media.

Don’t leave the room when you take calls. Let her know where you’re going, why you’re going, and when you’re going to be home.

If something happens, especially if it is related to your indiscretions, tell her about it. Then, tell her what you will do about it if anything needs to be done.

Answer all of her questions, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.

And don’t get frustrated with her questions. You’re the one who created her trust issues, so you’re the one that needs to earn it back.

4. Let her vent and release her anger (verbally) whenever she needs to

Let her vent when she needs to. Anger, just like grief, is going to come and go. She may seem fine one day, and the next day she may have explosive anger.

This is okay and should be treated with patience.

Obviously, if she gets physical or starts name-calling, that is not okay. If this starts to happen, the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation. Simply don’t engage if she feels the need to get physical or belittle you.

Venting anger and frustration is okay. Being abusive is never okay.

Depending on what you’ve done, her anger may come along with something that correlates to your indiscretion.

For example, if you’ve committed some sort of fraud, and you get a court notice, she may get angry. That’s normal and okay. Depending on the nature of the breach of trust, her reactions will vary, as will the amount of time it takes for her to work through it.

You should also be okay with the fact that this may happen on and off for months. It may seem like it comes out of the blue. When it does happen, don’t try to defend yourself. Just listen to her frustrations without judgment and without being defensive.

5. Be clear you intend to save the marriage and earn her trust back

No matter what you’ve done, if you want to save the marriage, be very clear in that. If she mentions divorce, tell her that you are not interested in getting a divorce.

Be very clear about your intentions.

For example, if you’ve cheated and are serious about saving your marriage, tell her that and then show her. Cut off all communication with the other person.

Give your wife access to all of your social accounts, your email, and your phone. Change jobs if you cheated with a co-worker. Even emotional affairs that never got physical should be handled the same way.

Don’t keep anything from her, even if you feel like it’s not relevant.

Tell her repeatedly that you do not want to get a divorce, but don’t be demanding. Then, make sure your actions show that you want to earn her trust back. Ask for time.

Your marriage can be saved, but she needs to want it, too.

If she is on the fence about saving the marriage, help guide her in the direction you want by making your intentions clear.

Complete transparency is a good step to show her that you are serious about saving your marriage.

And above all, don’t try and justify the affair. I don’t care if she was the worst wife in the world. Having an affair is wrong, and not the way to try and get her to be a better wife.

6. Allow her space when she needs it

Sometimes she’s not going to want to be around you. She may not want to talk to you. She’s not giving you the silent treatment; she’s ruminating.

This is normal and okay. Give her space. Don’t push her to talk to you. If you push her when she doesn’t want to talk to you, it could lead to fighting and resentment.

The idea is to get your marriage in a better place and to gain her trust. If you try to push her into talking to you, it’s just going to frustrate her.

By giving her the needed space, you are showing her that you respect her feelings.

If she says she needs to go out and think, let her do that. If she is at home, just be nearby to let her know that you are there if she needs you.

But don’t bug her to talk to you because you feel bad. It’s not her responsibility to make you feel better.

Giving her the space she needs but being nearby demonstrates that you genuinely care about her needs and not just your own.

7. If you cheated, give her all passwords to phones, email & social

Cheating is a deep betrayal, and it’s going to require a lot of work to overcome. First, you should cease all communication with the person you had an affair with, no matter how long or short.

Then, you should change your phone number and email address. 

Block them on all social media accounts. And if they are a co-worker, quit that job and get a new one. When you are doing all of this, give your wife complete access to your social media, phone, and email.

By complete access – I mean everything. Give her all of your passwords for everything and keep NOTHING from her. This may seem extreme, but I really can’t think of anything worse than cheating in a relationship.

If you’re serious about getting your wife to trust you again, you’re going to have to take drastic measures.

Being 100% transparent and open will ease the betrayed partner’s mind about any insecurity, anger, frustration, and self-doubt she may have.

8. Suggest seeing a marriage counselor together

Marriages are a lot of work, even when trust hasn’t been broken.

Once trust has been broken, it can be near impossible to get it back. The best way to gain trust back and get to the real root of the problem is to attend counseling.

There is an underlying reason for whatever it was that you did. Whether you lost your life savings to gambling, whether you cheated, or committed some crime, there is an underlying reason.

You can’t get to the root of the cause alone.

You should seek professional help. A marriage counselor can give you an objective, non-judgmental ear to talk to about your issues. They have the expertise to provide real, actionable advice on how to fix your marriage and learn to trust one another again.

They can also get to the “why” of the situation and help you work through it. It is not a quick fix, and it’s going to take a lot of work. It may even get worse before it gets better.

But if you are serious about keeping your marriage intact, it is a step you should both consider taking.

9. Understand the healing process could take years

The healing process is going to take time. That’s something you need to understand and get used to. If you’ve made it clear that you want to save your marriage, and she agrees, it’s not going to happen overnight.

Healing a broken marriage, just like going through grief, is a process. You are both going to have issues that need to be worked through.

So just be prepared for healing to take time.

Also, understand that the longer your indiscretions and the longer you kept them from your wife, the longer it will take to get over.

Your marriage can go back to normal.

In fact, it can even be better than it was. But you can’t rush the process. Allow it to take as long as necessary. As long as you are in the right mindset, it will prevent you from rushing things, and it will allow you to heal, too.

It will also prevent you from feeling resentment towards your wife when she isn’t moving forward fast enough for your liking.

It will gradually get better. Just let the process run its course.

10. Overcommunicate your whereabouts when not at home or work

Go overboard on communicating your whereabouts when not at home or work.

This is especially important if you cheated. As the person who cheated, you have to let your partner see your emails, cell phone, and social media accounts. This may feel like a violation of your privacy, or it may make you feel insecure.

But this is important to the person who has been cheated on.

By telling them your whereabouts and sharing your passwords, your partner will feel reassured that you don’t have anything to hide.

You’ll also be showing them that they can trust you again.

If you gambled away a significant amount of money, tell your partner about any bank accounts they may not have known about before.

And give them the passwords so they can check in on your spending habits.

Keep them updated on your whereabouts, check in frequently when you are not home, and come home when you say you are going to be home.

11. Make her your #1 priority

Make your wife your number one priority.

Ask her what she needs from you. You are not a mind reader, and she doesn’t expect you to be. But she may not always verbalize what she needs from you. So, instead of guessing what she needs, ask her. And then do what she says.

If she needs space, give it to her. If she wants flowers every day, get them for her.

Whatever you do, you need to make sure she knows that she is important to you. If she wants a date night, don’t work late or go hang out with your friends. Take her on the date.

Do small things throughout the day to let her know that you are thinking about her. And do this without any expectations for something in return. She should be your best friend, so treat her like one!

Hug her, connect with her, and tell her you love her every day, multiple times a day.

Have meaningful conversations. Take an active interest in her life and interests. Simply appreciating your wife for who she is and what she does for you and your family can go a long way.

12. Go places and do things you did when the marriage was young and fun

Part of rebuilding trust is rebuilding the relationship.

You may desperately want your marriage to have trust, mutual acceptance, and respect. All hope is not lost. Even damaged marriages can be saved.

A great way to do this is to go on dates like you did when the marriage was brand new. Even if you have kids, you can still go on dates. Leave the kids with a sitter or make them a part of your dates. It can and should feel like a fresh start!

Older kids really enjoy hearing about their parents’ lives before they were parents.

Go see a movie at the theatre you used to frequent, go eat at the restaurant where you had your first date, and do the activities you loved to do together.

This can not only remind you of the more fun times in your relationship, but it can help you remember why you fell in love in the first place. This recent article is entirely devoted to helping you fall back in love.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

13. Appreciate her without expectation

Appreciation can look like a lot of things. It can be random texts once or twice a week, telling your wife that you love her.

And while you’re being thankful, don’t expect anything from her in return. Just be grateful in the moment.

It can be praise for a job well done. If she recently completed a project, praise her for working hard and getting it done. But also understand her love language and make sure your actions support that.

The 5 love languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch

So if her love language is words of affirmation and you never tell her you love and appreciate her, she may feel unloved no matter what you buy her or how much time you spend with her.

You should also show appreciation for the things she does on a daily basis.

Does she cook dinner every day? Do laundry and other household chores? Make sure the kids are educated, entertained, and clean?

Be thankful for those things.

When you appreciate the little things, you’ll notice that she will appreciate you more, too.

14. If you cheated, understand it may be a while before she’s ready to have sex

Cheating is a huge betrayal. While you may feel guilty about it, she is likely emotionally drained. You’ve made a connection with someone outside of your marriage.

This means that not only have you been lying, but you’ve essentially invited someone else into your marriage without your wife’s knowledge or consent. That broken trust is a lot to process.

She’s going to feel insecure, angry, and maybe even a little guilty herself.

All of these emotions are going to be hard to get past, and she probably won’t be ready to have sex for a while. This goes for any type of affair you’ve had. Whether it’s emotional, physical, or a combination of both.

That doesn’t mean she will never have sex with you again. It just means she is still processing, and it’s going to take some effort and hard work on your part.

But your relationship can go back to normal after cheating. It’s going to take time and patience. Read this recent article where I explore the harsh reality many couples face when it comes to cheating.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

15. Make positive changes in your life (quit drinking, start a workout regime, eat healthier, etc.) 

One of the easiest things you can do is to make positive changes in your own life.

There’s an underlying reason for doing what you did. If you’re an alcoholic, stop drinking and get help. Attend AA meetings and follow the steps.

If you are a gambler, find something else to get that dopamine hit. Work out and eat healthier, meditate.

You’d be surprised at how much better you feel mentally if you just walk on a daily basis. Occupy your mind with healthy habits. Getting help and changing behaviors is a huge part of not relapsing.

Oftentimes, our vices are influenced by our environment. If you grew up with an alcoholic, there is a good chance you will also be an alcoholic.

If you surround yourself with gamblers or drug users, you will likely gamble or use drugs, too.

Take a look around you and see what you can change about yourself and your environment for the better. When you start taking better care of yourself, you’ll find that it’s easier to take care of other things, too.

You’ll find that because you’re happier and more in tune with your body and mind, you won’t want to participate in the negative behaviors that brought you down before.

Therapy, meditation, or a practice like yoga or martial arts can help significantly.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I regain my wife’s trust after cheating?

If you want to regain your wife’s trust after an affair, give your wife complete access to your phone, email, and social accounts. Then, over-communicate on your whereabouts when not at home or work.

Cheating can be devastating to a relationship.

If you’re serious about saving your relationship and regaining your wife’s trust, it’s going to take a lot of work. Patience is vital, and you can’t rush the process.

You need to be completely transparent in your life. Give your wife complete access to your phone, email, and social accounts—over-communicate your whereabouts.

You also need to take 100% accountability for your actions. Don’t give excuses or place blame on others.

It may get frustrating, but understand that it will take time. Don’t pressure your spouse to just “get over it.” You are the one who cheated. You are the one who needs to fix it.

I’ve been both the cheater and the one who has been cheated on. This gives me a unique perspective from both sides of the coin.

To read more in-depth about how to regain your wife’s trust after cheating, check out this recent article.

In that article, I go deep into how to prove you won’t cheat again. After all, many say once a cheater, always a cheater. But that doesn’t have to be true.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

How do you get your wife to fall back in love with you again?

To revive a marriage and get your wife to fall back in love, focus on fixing the problems in yourself, listening to your wife, and being the best version of you that you can be, and the best husband you can be. Make your intentions clear, but don’t seem needy or clingy.

Ultimately you’ll have to show her that you can change. And only your actions, over time, will do that; not words.

Lack of trust can often lead to a boring or even broken marriage. Marriages ebb and flow, and that’s completely normal, especially if you’ve been married a long time.

Kids, careers, and routines can all make a marriage feel less than stellar. Long-term relationships take work. It’s not going to feel like it was when you were dating, but it doesn’t have to feel bland, either.

To bring back that spark, have a date night. Leave the kids with a sitter, turn off the cell phones, and focus on each other.

But if I were to break it down as simply as possible, it would be to:

  • Show appreciation for your wife without expecting anything in return
  • Leave thoughtful notes around the house. Do household chores that you don’t normally. You’d be surprised at how much simply washing the dishes can do for your marriage!
  • Be willing to listen to your wife (and not just waiting your turn to talk)
  • Tell her what you need, too. Neither one of you are a mind reader, and you can’t rekindle a marriage if you don’t communicate with one another.
  • Avoid begging or guilting her – no one likes someone who seems desperate (even if that’s how you feel)
  • Show her through your actions that you are still the man she feel in love with – words don’t have nearly as much value as action

If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

Can a marriage survive without trust?

Simply put, no. A marriage without trust will end in divorce or be miserable. Trust is what relationships are built on. Without trust, you end up questioning everything. Your wife may constantly be expecting the worst from you. This is stressful and exhausting.

Once trust has been broken, it can be nearly impossible to get it back.

When trust is broken, it’s easy to feel on edge all the time. You start to question every phone notification, text message, and email.

Lack of trust can also lead to fighting, lack of communication, and even a shift in priorities.

If your spouse doesn’t trust you, they simply aren’t going to believe what you say. They may also question your motives in your actions.

This is an unhealthy way to live in general. But it is especially exhausting and stressful, and if mistrust continues, it will ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship.

So, if you’re serious about regaining your wife’s trust, here are my…

Final thoughts

Trust is crucial in a marriage, and your marriage simply won’t survive without trust. If it does survive, it won’t be in an enjoyable or healthy way.

If you have lost your wife’s trust for whatever reason, it is vital that you regain it. It’s going to take time, and it’s not going to be easy. We all have past mistakes. But it’s crucial that we take extreme ownership of them, learn from them, and don’t repeat them.

It’s going to take patience on your part, and you are going to have to work on yourself at the same time.

But if you really want to save your marriage, you need to rebuild that trust. It’s a crucial step and the only way to really put your marriage back together. If you put in the time to rebuild the trust, your marriage can be even better than it was before.

Jeff Campbell