How many times have you heard your “taken” friends say that they wish they were single again?
For a lot of people, more often than you would think. On the flip side, you hear single people wish that they were in a relationship, right? For some, yes, but the truth is, whether you’re single or taken, both relationship statuses come with their own set of highs and lows.
The thing you have to figure out is what end of the spectrum do you want to take your highs and lows on?
What is Dating? Really?
If you really think about it, dating is just like job hunting and going through the interview process, where the ultimate goal is to find someone (a job) you can grow old with (grow with the company)… but in order to do that, you have to go through the interviewing process.
Essentially, with dating, you’re interviewing someone who is also interviewing you for the same exact position!
But even with all of that, once you “hire” someone and you, in turn, get hired, that’s when all the “work-related Issues” come into play.
Assumptions Vs. Expectations
In the world of dating, you have assumptions and then you have expectations.
The dictionary defines assumptions as something that is assumed to be true. It’s normal for anyone to make assumptions about certain things but when you’re making assumptions about person’s actions, intentions, and even their understanding about certain situations or scenarios, it can lead to major misunderstandings about their actions, intentions, and understandings.
Also with dating, you have expectations.
The dictionary defines expectations as a belief that something is going to/will happen or that something is the case. As with assumptions, it’s perfectly normal for people to have expectations.
People have expectations on a job, as a parent, as a coach… you name it, there is probably an expectation that comes with it.
Once those expectations aren’t met, this can bring about feelings of frustration and even, disrespect. In the world of dating, when you experience your expectations not being met, you first want to ask yourself a few questions before flying off the handle:
- Did you make your expectations known up front?
- Were your expectations of the other person beneficial to them?
- Did the other person share their expectations with you when you shared yours?
These assumptions and expectations shared while dating doesn’t necessarily have to make or break a possible relationship but it can definitely set the tone for one.
In exploring the expectations and assumptions, there does seem to be a pattern between men and women.
Men tend to lean towards the assumption side of things while women gravitate towards the expectation side. Let’s take a look at the difference between the two.
Men and Their Assumptions…
Assumptions are where men go wrong.
Men tend to think that they know all there is to know about women and are completely off the majority of the times! Here are some common assumptions about women, men tend to have *these are actual assumptions about women by real men*:
- Women are single because they’re crazy.
- If a woman is angry or irritable, it must be her “time of the month.”
- You can’t put too many women in a room together because it will lead to a catfight.
Women and Their Expectations…
It’s completely normal for women to have expectations of men… where women tend to go wrong is having unrealistic expectations of men.
Some of the expectations women have for men are so ridiculous that they’ll never meet any man that will make them truly happy if they’re basing their relationship standards on silly expectations that would be impossible for men to meet.
Let’s take a look at a few of them.
If a Man Doesn’t Do Manual Labor at His Job, He’s Not “Manly” Enough
This expectation is by far one of the silliest.
It’s is not what a man does for a living that makes him a man… it’s what’s in him. That expectation will keep women from many wonderful men. Let’s say you didn’t have the most toned chest or arms but you graduated from medical school and are now searching careers in emergency medicine… would you even want a woman with that type of expectation, knowing that she would never think of you as being man enough for her? Probably not. You honestly probably dodged a bullet there.
This is an expectation that women have at all different ages too.
It’s not just a “thing” for young men and women. Men and women of all ages experience this. Whether you want to be a doctor or lawyer, it’s never too late to pursue your dreams. If you meet someone and her expectations are unrealistic like this one, don’t waste your time.
A Man is Supposed to Know Exactly What Women Want and Need
How on Earth is a man “supposed” to know exactly what a woman wants and needs when a woman doesn’t know what they want and need half of the time!
Now that’s not the case for all women… a lot of women know exactly what they want out of life and out of a man very early in life. But a lot of women have this expectation for men and can’t even give a clear-cut answer on where they want to have dinner!
The only way this can be achieved is by communicating, and even with that, it’s not something that’s going to happen overnight… it will take time. The dating (interview process) is when a lot of the “getting to know you” happens but it’s an on-going process that really never ends.
There are people who have been married for years and still learn new things about their spouse.
As a Man, He’s Supposed to Take Care of Everything
Traditionally speaking, this is definitely an expectation a lot of women have about men, and there are men out there who have that same mindset as well but the difference here is that some women don’t specify their guidelines as to what “everything” is.
As far as dating is concerned, a lot of the times, women refer to “everything” as everything financial… dinner, movies… dates!
This is also an expectation that a woman will need to subtly bring up because there are men out there that don’t have that same mindset and will either expect the woman to pay for everything or at least pay for her own portion of the date.
It’s not something you see too often but for men who don’t have the mindset of taking care of everything, it will be a problem for any woman whose expectations are not met in this way.
Now, there are some women who are independent and make their own money… they don’t necessarily expect a man to take care of everything, they just want a man to do it because they already do for themselves.
The Huffington Post goes deeper into detail as to why women want this.
He’s Supposed to Be Masculine and Sensitive
Women want “manly men” but they also want him to be sensitive?
Granted, this is not an impossible task or feat but it is just a little contradictory to the request of being “manly.” Not to make the stereotypical assumption men make but women want a man who they can share their feelings with, as well as a man they feel can protect them if they’re in danger.
As mentioned earlier, it’s nothing impossible to do but the woman will have to find a man who can cater to those needs of her and she will definitely need to make that expectation known up front.
It’s not an expectation that will necessarily run a man off but it is a question where he’d be able to let her know if he’s that type of person for her.