I always hated dating. It was a lot of work for a lot of poor matches, wasted time and money. But one of the biggest challenges was in dealing with women’s unrealistic dating expectations.
Here are some of the worst unrealistic expectations women have for men:
- Some women expect the man to pay for everything but to also know when she wants their independence
- Others ask for vulnerability in men, but then see them as weak for showing it.
- Others expect men to know exactly what they want and need but without being told
But that’s only the beginning.
In this article, we are diving deep into the world of dating. We’ll define it, answer all the top questions, and review some of the basic assumptions both men and women tend to make.
Ultimately, though, we’ll be examing women’s high expectations, and how to navigate them on the road to healthy relationships.
Let’s get going!
But for now, let’s review the . . .
11 Unrealistic dating expectations women have for Men
1. He’s supposed to be good at “manly” tasks
This expectation is by far one of the silliest.
It’s is not what a man does for a living that makes him a man… it’s what’s in him. That expectation will keep a lot of women from many wonderful men.
Let’s say the man didn’t have the most toned chest or arms but graduated from Harvard medical school and is preparing to be a doctor.
A woman with high standards that are unreasonable might never even get past the 1st date and might miss a great catch. But, honestly, he probably dodged a bullet there.
This is an expectation that women have at all different ages too.
It’s not just a “thing” for young men and women. Men and women of all ages experience this. Whether you want to be a doctor or lawyer, it’s never too late to pursue your dreams. If you meet someone and her expectations are unrealistic like this one, don’t waste your time.
2. A man is supposed to know exactly what women want and need
How on Earth is a man “supposed” to know exactly what a woman wants and needs when a woman doesn’t know what they want and need half of the time!
If I had a dime for every time I’ve told my ex-wife “I’m not a mind reader”, I’d be a wealthy man!
Now that’s not the case for all women… a lot of women know exactly what they want out of life and out of a man very early in life. But a lot of women have this expectation for men and can’t even give a clear-cut answer on where they want to have dinner!
But the reality is that most women don’t communicate directly.
For starters, they are always communicating based on how they feel at that moment. But they also aren’t usually direct as they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But many women do just feel like the man in their lives should just intuitively know what they want.
These unrealistic standards have no doubt created a lot of challenges for men and women in the real world.
3. As a man, he’s supposed to take care of everything, but still allow me independence
Gender roles have changed a lot since the TV couples of the 60s and 70s.
So don’t be surprised if even young guys today are a little confused. Should we guys pay for everything? If yes, does the woman tell us that? (hint: no). If we aren’t supposed to pay for everything, how do we know when we should?
Is chivalry dead? Is it OK to open doors for your lady?
Women today have an unparalleled world compared to previous generations; more freedom & independence, closer pay equality, and the option to do just about anything a man can do. But it has c created gender confusion and a major power struggle.
So for us guys, real life is just not as clear-cut as it was for our grandfathers. So help the guy out and just be clear about what you want from him and what you need.
Most guys are just fine paying for everything or letting you get the check sometimes. But don’t expect us to know what you prefer. You have to tell us.
4. He’s supposed to be both masculine and sensitive
Many women want to date men who are “manly men”, but they also want him to be sensitive.
Granted, this is not an impossible task or feat but it is just a little contradictory to the request of being “manly.” Not to make the stereotypical assumption men make but women want a man who they can share their feelings with.
But they also want a man they feel can protect them if they’re in danger.
As mentioned earlier, it’s not impossible to do but the woman will have to find a man who can cater to those needs of hers. And she will definitely need to make that expectation known upfront.
It’s not an expectation that will necessarily run a man off but it is a question where he’d be able to let her know if he’s that type of person for her.
So instead of asking a guy to check his man-card at the door, look for emotional intelligence among his masculine traits.
5. Expecting his place to have a lot of feminine touches
Unless he’s recently divorced or his old girlfriend just moved out, don’t expect his house or apartment to look like he just finished an episode of Queer Eye.
And if he did just get divorced or his girlfriend just moved out, you have bigger problems anyway depending on how much time has passed.
Now, the above being said, it IS a red flag if his place looks like a college dorm room neon beer signs and foam furniture. No, a real man who’s in his late 20s or beyond should have his act more together than that.
But have some reasonable expectations. Then see if he’s open to suggestion.
But don’t necessarily expect matching sheets & pillowcases, tasteful art perfectly hung, or pristine living room furniture perfectly coordinated with accent pillows and throws.
He’s a guy. He may well just use his apartment to watch sports with his buddies, drink beer, or binge out on Netflix after a long day at work.
Not having a perfect sense of home decor doesn’t make him a deal-breaker.
6. That he’s not for me if he doesn’t want to do everything I do
I’ll be honest. My ex-wife LOVED to watch Downton Abbey.
I’ve never really tried to watch it, but it’s not really my cup of tea (pun intended). I’d much rather rewatch a Star Wars movie. But does that make us incompatible? No. Well ultimately we were I suppose, but not because of British drama TV shows.
You can read our divorce story here.
Now, if we had nothing in common for activities, music, and movies, that would be different. It’s a fine line. But it’s totally OK to have some different likes and dislikes along with areas where you overlap.
Who knows, you might discover new things along the way you didn’t know you liked!
7. Expecting the guy to be 100% confident on the first date
Let’s be honest. First dates are awkward.
Whether you got matched up by friends or an online dating app, either way, that first time is still an uncomfortable thing. After all, no matter how much you read about them on a profile or social stalking you did, you have no idea what the chemistry will be like.
So if it’s awkward for you, it’s going to be awkward for him too.
That’s OK, as long as the awkwardness slowly melts away throughout the date. I get that confidence in a guy is an attractive quality. But you can’t expect him to be 100% confident upon first meeting you. You may be the catch of the century. But he doesn’t know that yet!
So do and say things to ease tension. Crack a joke, bring up the elephant in the room. His confidence will come through loud and clear.
At the end of the day, while a masculine guy should be leading the romantic relationship, you both have to put forth effort.
8. Expecting the guy to call/text after the 1st date
I wish it were painfully obvious to both people as to whether or not a date went well.
But let’s face it, it’s not always.
But if you had a great time, don’t sit around for days waiting/expecting him to call or text. Let him know! He may be unsure. He could have also misread a signal. Or he may just have gotten busy at work.
Plus this is the modern age. Women can do anything men can do; including being the first one to call or text after a date. Or arrange a 2nd one.
9. Asking him to be comfortable showing vulnerability but think of him as weak when he shows it
More and more these days, guys are asked to show vulnerability.
We’re told that it’s OK to cry (and not just watching Titanic). We get asked to share our feelings. But some women, sometimes, secretly judge us when we do these things.
We can be seen as weak, or less manly if we let our guard down.
Honestly, it can be very confusing as a guy in today’s world as we get a lot of mixed messages. I get in an ideal world, guys would know when to be vulnerable and how far to let that go.
But it’s not a perfect world and navigating relationships is forever tricky. So don’t judge us for it and if you need something different from us, don’t be afraid to ask.
At the end of the day, women often think one thing about their healthy relationship expectations, but emotionally respond to something altogether different.
And the difference between her seeing you as a smoking hot sexual partner and boyfriend vs being friend-zoned is often whether the man is strong, solid, confident, and masculine; even if her words tell you otherwise.
Pay attention to her actions.
10. Only being willing to date tall guys
You see this a lot on internet dating services sites and apps. Women will set their filters to only show guys who are 6′ tall and above.
And if she’s 5’11” I get it.
But the reality is a lot of women are between 5’0″ and 5’6″. So only being willing to date tall guys who are 6′ tall or taller is going to waste a lot of time on your end and ensure you miss out on a lot of quality guys.
11. Expecting him to change his love language
Most people have heard of the 5 love languages. They are:
- Love language #1: Words of affirmation
- Love language #2: Acts of service
- Love language #3: Gifts
- Love language #4: Quality time
- Love language #5: Physical touch
And most of us have more than one of those in terms of how we show love. And we also tend to have more than one of those in terms of how we prefer to receive love.
And often those are different.
For example, when I show love, it’s often through gifts and acts of service. But in terms of receiving love, I like words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch.
But while we can be aware of women’s expectations, unmet needs, and love languages, that doesn’t mean guys should just have to completely change who we are to make her happy.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Dating? Really?
If you think about it, dating is just like job hunting and going through the interview process, where the ultimate goal is to find someone (a job) you can grow old with (grow with the company)… but to do that, you have to go through the interviewing process.
Essentially, with dating, you’re interviewing someone who is also interviewing you for the same exact position!
But even with all of that, once you “hire” someone and you, in turn, get hired, that’s when all the “work-related Issues” come into play.
Assumptions Vs. Expectations
In the world of dating, you have assumptions and then you have expectations.
The dictionary defines assumptions as something that is assumed to be true. It’s normal for anyone to make assumptions about certain things.
But when you’re making assumptions about a person’s actions, intentions, and even their understanding about certain situations or scenarios, it can lead to major misunderstandings about their actions, intentions, and understandings.
Also with dating, you have expectations.
The dictionary defines expectations as a belief that something is going to/will happen or that something is the case. As with assumptions, it’s perfectly normal for people to have expectations.
People have expectations on a job, as a parent, as a coach… you name it, there is probably an expectation that comes with it. But we also form expectations based on negative things from previous relationships.
Once those expectations aren’t met, this can bring about feelings of frustration and even, disrespect.
In the world of dating, when you experience your expectations not being met, you first want to ask yourself a few questions before flying off the handle:
- Did you make your expectations known upfront?
- Were your expectations of the other person beneficial to them?
- Did the other person share their expectations with you when you shared yours?
These assumptions and expectations shared while dating doesn’t necessarily have to make or break a possible relationship but it can definitely set the tone for one.
In exploring the expectations and assumptions, there does seem to be a pattern between men and women.
Men tend to lean towards the assumption side of things while women gravitate towards the expectation side. Let’s take a look at the difference between the two.
Men and Their Assumptions…
Assumptions are where men go wrong.
Men tend to think that they know all there is to know about women and are completely off the majority of the time! Here are some common assumptions about women that some men tend to have:
- Women are single because they’re crazy.
- If a woman is angry or irritable, it must be her “time of the month.”
- You can’t put too many women in a room together because it will lead to a catfight.
In truth, assuming a woman is not damaged goods, if she’s angry or irritable, it’s because she doesn’t feel safe, heard and/or understood.
And when women don’t feel safe, heard, or understood, they get fearful. That fear can then turn to anger as they desperately want their man to step up to the plate and make an effort to understand her.
But they won’t say that. And they may not even realize that’s what they want.
For sure if you ask her what’s wrong and she says “nothing”, that nothing is something. And you need to dig in until you get to the bottom of it even if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Women and Their Expectations…
It’s completely normal for women to have expectations of men… where women tend to go wrong is having unrealistic expectations of men.
Some of the expectations women have for men are so ridiculous that they’ll never meet any man that will make them truly happy if they’re basing their relationship standards on silly expectations that would be impossible for men to meet.
One thing women who have struggled with finding the right partner should consider is dating older men.
In a recent article, I break down all the pros and cons of dating older men, including the 1 key ingredient that makes my wife and I’s 17-year age-difference work.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
In this article, we took a look at the world of dating.
The dating world isn’t always a fun place, and many find it lonely and tedious trying to find our ideal partner or soulmate.
After all, while all of us dream of finding our soulmate, it’s hard to be certain when we’re meeting and dating people. If you think you’ve met your soulmate, but aren’t sure, check out a recent article where I break down the most common signs to look for.
What’s really surprising is the 1 key difference between a soulmate and a twin flame. But that 1 difference makes all the difference. Just click the link to read that on my site.
Ultimately, today, we looked at women’s unrealistic dating expectations and how they often hold women back from finding their dream relationship.
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