Why Does My Husband Ignore My Texts? (& what to do about it)


There’s nothing more infuriating than a read text message going unanswered. In a conversation, one person speaks, then the other replies. A read message with no reply can easily start us second-guessing and making assumptions. Unfortunately, sometimes wives wonder why does my husband ignore my texts?

Here’s what I know from being with my wife for over 15 years:

A husband ignores texts from his wife because his attention is being pulled elsewhere, or he doesn’t consider replying important. But if their relationship has weakened, he may also feel she’s checking up on him or pestering him.

This behavior could be an innocent mistake, or it could be a sign of something deeper.

It’s one of the reasons ghosting feels so painful. But what if that ghosting comes from the person we’re supposed to love and trust most? Why does your husband ignore texts?

This article will look at some possible explanations and break down how to deal with this hurtful behavior.

It’s easy to think that your husband wouldn’t do this if he still loved you

But don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t assume the worst unless you have other evidence. Many times, relationship problems can be solved and the marriage can come out better than ever!

I’ve been in your shoes. You want to move beyond the pain.

And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, mutual acceptance, and respect; and that includes feeling like you’re at the top of your husband’s priority list.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse isn’t sure they want to save the marriage. 

The website Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

What does it mean when my husband no longer replies to my texts?

If your husband rarely replies to your read texts, it can mean your messages aren’t as important to him as they are to you. But he may also be busy and intend to reply to them later, and sometimes remembering to reply may slip his mind.

There are few reasons to habitually not reply to texts. If it happens occasionally, it’s nothing to worry about.

Most of us lead busy lives. Countless pursuits pull at our limited supply of time. With no ill intent, we’ve all ignored our loved ones for a task that needed our attention first.

We’ve all done it before.

You feel your leg vibrate at work, see the notification, and open up a message. A quick scan of the words tells you it’s going to demand a bit more energy than you thought. You turn off the screen and get back to what you were doing, promising yourself to take care of it later. Sometimes, later comes much farther in the day than we expected.

It’s as easy as that to accidentally make your spouse feel ignored.

So, it’s important not to jump to conclusions and find out what’s going on. While this problem could be something deeper and more serious, it’s just as likely to be simple absent-mindedness or unawareness.

What should you do then to tackle this problem? If it’s habitual, then you need to refocus on building your relationship.

In my recent article on making your relationship grow. I get into several really simple tips that can easily take your relationship to the next level, build more trust, and make you a higher priority on your husband’s list.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

How do you deal with an ignoring husband?

To deal with an ignoring husband, explain how his actions make you feel. Be clear, give specific examples, but avoid criticizing him, as if he gets defensive, he’s less likely to change. But also be prepared to listen to his feelings too.

While it might be accidental, you shouldn’t have to grin and bear this problem.

One person should never have to feel uncared for or unloved. But that’s exactly what ignoring behavior does. It says, “other things in my life are more important than you.” No spouse deserves that.

Have your hints at your disappointment gone unnoticed?

Try directly telling him what’s bothering you. In fact, always directly say what’s bothering you. Men are notoriously weak at picking up subtle cues like this. It may be accusatory or aggressive to say something like, “I feel like you’re ignoring me.”

But, this kind of direct communication gets your message heard clearly.

Explain that his actions consistently make you feel like you’re not a priority. Mention that his inaction to change will only prove your feelings are true regardless of what reasons he may have.

Do acknowledge his reasons and empathize with them. No loving husband wants his wife to feel unimportant. Get to the bottom of why this is happening together.

Has he been mostly drained at work?

Make sure he knows you’re on the same team by commiserating. Is something outside of the relationship, causing a lot of stress and emotional distance? Tell him you’re always there to support him.

If you can both empathize with and understand each other, a solution suddenly becomes much easier to reach. If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.

Why do husbands ignore their wives?

A husband who keeps ignoring his wife shows disrespect, emotional distance, or immaturity, or there’s an unresolved issue he doesn’t want to confront. Even if there’s a good excuse for accidentally not prioritizing you, there’s none for continuously doing so.

Let’s take a look at some common reasons a husband may ignore his wife. Considering a few of these might help when it’s time to discuss the issue.

New commitments or stressors

As we get older, the burdens of managing a career, personal finances, building a family (if you so choose), and maintaining our own health and happiness seem to grow heavier and heavier.

Has some new worry gotten thrown into the mix? If so, your husband might still be adjusting to the change.

Unawareness or lack of conscientiousness

Has your husband always been a bit absentminded?

This lack of awareness can extend to things that he genuinely believes are important. An inability to live in the moment or unorganized thinking can lead to unanswered messages that slip through the cracks.

Emotional distance forming

Ignoring you, intentionally or not, can be one big sign of emotional distance forming in your relationship.

If this is the case, that means something more serious is causing this behavior. Check out my recent article for more signs of emotional distance with husbands AND what to do about it.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Easier than confrontation

It’s an act of cowardice but also a common reason for ignoring your spouse. Pushing aside the problem and hoping it goes away or procrastinating confronting the issue can cause avoidant behavior.

What does it mean if my husband read my message but didn’t reply?

If your husband read a text message and didn’t reply, he may be in the middle of something important and he might not realize how much it bothers you. Or to him, a quick reply wasn’t necessary if he knows you’ll discuss it further later.

But, there’s no excuse for it if you’ve already talked about how it negatively affects you.

Also, small things like this escalate to bigger and harder-to-resolve issues. Not dealing with it at once will just place your marriage in jeopardy.

Ultimately, it may be nothing, or it could be one of several signs he’s considering moving on or even thinking about divorce!

For more signs that your marriage is in danger, and what you can do, check out this recent article. It describes more ways to tell your husband may be thinking of a divorce.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

We’re in the age of social media and constant connectedness. There’s absolutely no excuse for no reply to a text message. It takes less than 30 seconds to say, “I’m (doing something). I’ll get right back to you!”

This small courtesy can usually remove all doubts that someone is ignoring you. So why wouldn’t you do it? Ask your husband to send a reply like this, even if he’ll be busy. It gives a comforting peace of mind for very little effort.

Tell him about the issue, how you feel, and how simple it can be to solve. The rest is up to him.

How do you know when your husband no longer loves you?

The four biggest signs your husband no longer loves you are: constantly criticizing you, feeling resentment towards you, always being defensive, and giving the silent treatment.

Let’s talk about each of the four. If you notice any of these, it’s a sign of something worse than simple absentmindedness.

Ultimately, the renowned Dr. John Gottman, calls these the Four Horsemen, and the 4 worst things a couple can do to one another. He also strongly believes that more than any other behavior, these will lead to divorce a high percentage of the time.

I’ll get into each of the 4 here, but I do have another article that does a deeper dive into them. So if you recognize these behaviors in you or your husband, make sure to read that article as I also give a lot of solutions for how to move past them.

Just click that link to read them on my site.

Criticizing your spouse

Even in the middle of a heated argument, you should never openly criticize your spouse as a person. Pointing out behavior that is hurtful is expected of any long-lasting couple. 

Feeling resentment

Feeling resentment or contempt for you means either a lack of understanding or an issue that has yet to be resolved. Either one means there has been a breakdown in communication and is yet another sign of a failing relationship.

Always being defensive

Automatically jumping to defensiveness means your partner is failing to listen effectively or feels as though they are being attacked.

If it’s the former, they need to work on their communication skills. If it’s the latter, assure them you’re not out for blood. Say you love him and that you’d like to work through this together to never have to fight about it again.

The silent treatment

More common in men than women, the silent treatment is an act of resignation.

It washes his hands off the issue and says, “I’m over this and you should be too.” This is a removal from the problem (and the relationship temporarily) to avoid difficult feelings. It’s okay to step back from an argument and approach it later when both people are calmer. But, this needs to be explicitly said to your partner when you do.

But, mockery, calling your partner names, and open disrespect have no place in a healthy relationship and are a top sign of a failing marriage.

In another recent article, I get into exactly what to do in cases of verbal abuse, and if your spouse is often belittling you and name-calling.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

Takeaway

Even though most of us lead busy lives and may occasionally forget to reply to a text, it can be even more hurtful when our spouse seems to ignore us. This could be innocent forgetfulness or a sign of something deeper.

Look for signals of the behavior described, and communicate your concerns with your husband. No loving man wants his wife to feel unimportant and uncared for. Have a good talk, call for action, work together to find an answer, and your texts should start feeling like the top of his list again soon.

Need some more advice?

Check out one of my most popular recent articles that’s full of ways to rekindle your marriage. I get into 15 simple steps that I took when my wife left me in 2013. Here we are today, with our marriage better than ever and a 3rd daughter.

Just click that link to read it on my site.

It’s easy to think that your husband wouldn’t do this if he still loved you

But don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t assume the worst unless you have other evidence. Many times, relationship problems can be solved and the marriage can come out better than ever!

I’ve been in your shoes. You want to move beyond the pain.

And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, mutual acceptance, and respect; and that includes feeling like you’re at the top of your husband’s priority list.

Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse isn’t sure they want to save the marriage. 

The website Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

 

Jeff Campbell

Jeff Campbell is a husband, father, martial artist, budget-master, Disney-addict, musician, and recovering foodie having spent over 2 decades as a leader for Whole Foods Market. Click to learn more about me

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