Have you ever felt like something is off in your marriage? Maybe your once warm and affectionate husband now seems aloof and distant? If that’s what you’re seeing, it’s common to wonder does my husband still love me?
Here’s how to know for sure:
Some of the ways to know for sure your husband still loves you include:
- He’s still physically affectionate
- Making eye contact
- He’s passionate (but not rude) when arguing
- He takes an active interest in your life and your friends
- Sex is still a priority (and still good)
But that’s just the beginning of how to know your husband’s true intentions. And there are 13 signs in total you should be on the lookout for. So let’s keep going and look at each one.
Does your husband not include you in plans? Or maybe your husband feels like less of a lover and more like a roommate. In times like these, it’s often a compulsory reaction to think of the worst.
What’s wrong here? How did things come to this? Does my husband even still love me?
Before jumping to any conclusions, know that it’s often not the worst. A lot of times, relationship problems can be solved easily enough.
So, in this article, we’ll check out 13 proven signs that your husband still loves you. Most of these signs are in the little details and are pretty specific.
So before that, let’s look at this from a broad scope.
If you feel like your marriage is worth saving, then do yourself a favor and check out all the info and free video at Mend the Marriage. The marriage you save may be your own!
How do I know if my husband really loves me?
In some ways, this is an incredibly complex problem, and in others, it’s the simplest thing in the world. Love is a multi-faceted concept that means any number of things depending on who you ask.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s define love in two measures:
- Love as an action
- Love as a feeling
Love is a feeling. It’s the explosion of chemicals in your brain that is akin to being high. It’s temporary insanity in the best definition of that word. It’s acceptance and euphoria in finding a connection. It’s dreams of your shared future together until the end of days. So in this way, knowing your husband loves you is intuitive and instinctual. When you feel it, you just know.
Love is an action. The throes of passion of a new love can’t last forever. And that’s probably for good reason; nothing would ever get done! But, your husband can choose to show you his love through his actions and behavior.
Love as a feeling is easy; connect with an attractive, like-minded person long enough and it just happens.
Love as an action is the mature, older sibling that knows better. It’s a bit more elusive and harder to maintain. If you’re starting to question whether your husband loves you or not, looking at his behavior and actions are a good place to start.
Most couples can rekindle their marriage with an open ear and a willingness to communicate.
In a recent article, I get into specifically how to rekindle your marriage when the passion has faded. Click that link to read that on my site.
How do you know when your husband doesn’t love you anymore?
Love as an action includes all the thoughtful and considerate things a husband should do for his wife.
Maybe he sends you sweet text messages throughout the day. Or he surprises you with a night off while he watches the kids. Maybe it’s asking about your day and listening with sincere care.
Unlike love as a feeling, all of these things require effort and thought.
It’s an indicator you matter to your husband. It shows that he thinks of you and acts accordingly. When you see these kinds of thoughtful actions fade, it could be a sign something’s wrong.
Are you seeing any of the signs he may be thinking about divorce?
If you’re already past this point, and sensing your husband might be thinking of separation, check out my recent article here about signs your husband wants a divorce. Just click that link to read it on my site.
If you’re reading this because of a feeling something’s off, it can be difficult to identify exactly what it is.
You CAN save your marriage — even when your husband’s love has faded
I feel your pain and I know exactly what it’s like being in a marriage where you aren’t sure if your spouse still loves you.
A crumbling marriage leads right to divorce. If you have kids, that can have a terrible impact on them too. But it has a devastating on both of you also.
And that’s in addition to the financial strain, embarrassment, emotional drain, plus all those wasted years.
I still recall my wife telling me in 2013 that while she still loved me, she wasn’t sure she was still IN love with me. I felt wiped out. We were actively talking about divorce (well she was and I was listening).
And yet, here we are, years later, with our 3rd daughter born in 2017. Our marriage is better than ever!
How did that happen?
Brad Browning is a well-known marriage coach from Canada. His relationship books on Amazon are 5-star books and his YouTube channel has an amazing following of over 350,000 people.
He created a course called Mend the Marriage for people in the same boat as you and me.
If you feel like your marriage is worth saving, do yourself a favor and watch Brad’s FREE video on how to Mend Your Marriage.
Isn’t the chance to save your marriage and avoid all the heartache, stress, and money worth just a few minutes of your time?
Just CLICK HERE to watch Brad’s free video; your first step towards a brighter future.
13 signs your husband still loves you
Read on to learn more about some proven ways to spot love as an action.
1. He still likes to touch, hold hands and kiss
Everyone has their own preference for physical displays of affection. But, there’s something about the warmth of your lover’s touch that’s just nice. And that should never fade.
Holding hands, cuddling and kisses don’t need to disappear in marriage. These kinds of sweet displays might cool down a bit after the honeymoon phase of any relationship. There’s nothing strange about that. But if there is a total lack of affection, intimacy or touch this is a sign something is wrong.
These might not be a big deal to some who dislike public displays of affection.
But these little things are an important signal. It’s one which says, “I still see you as my lover. I still see you as my partner.” This signal of affection should be relayed one way or another on the regular.
2. He puts his phone down when you’re around
It’s hard to resist the allure of too much screen time these days. But how do you know if your man is up to something more nefarious than late-night Candy Crush?
Check out his behavior about his phone when you’re around.
Does he quickly exit the screen he was on if you sneak up behind him? Did he drop and lock the phone as soon as you were near? Is his phone placed screen down only when you’re around? These are all signs something’s up.
Calling out the behavior at this point might be for the best before throwing out any damaging accusations. But these are all signs it’s time to keep a closer eye on how and when he’s using his phone.
3. He makes eye contact regularly
In sizing up and connecting with others, people place a lot of weight on eye contact. And for good reason! There are a host of subtle psychological changes that take place when we make eye contact with someone. Through direct eye contact, we are allowing someone a glimpse into our subconscious mind.
Most importantly, we’re showing that we’re open to connecting.
There’s a phrase in German, “wie Luft behandeln”, which means to be seen as air. It’s a feeling of disconnection when someone refuses to look at us. A husband’s purposeful lack of eye contact is a sign of just that – a desire to disconnect.
This is one key feature of an emotionally distant husband.
If you’re seeing that, check out my recent article to know for sure if you’re dealing with emotional disconnection and how to turn that around and not have it destroy your marriage. Just click that link to read it on my site.
Don’t ignore this sign if you see it and ask what’s going on.
4. He still argues passionately (but not rudely)
Every couple has arguments.
A couple that never argues either has some secret that we’ve all yet to find or is one between a pair of incredibly cunning psychopaths. So, arguing by itself isn’t a sign of anything, except maybe that your relationship is totally normal – congratulations! But, you should pay attention to how your husband argues.
Does he respect your feelings and the problems you’ve brought to the argument? Does he ask questions to understand your perspective? Does he offer potential compromises to solve the problem amicably? If so, you’ve found yourself a very healthy arguer.
But what about some bad signs?
Immediately getting on the defensive, indifference to your feelings or retreating into noncommunicative silence are all terrible ways to handle a disagreement. These might be signs of waning affection if your husband fails to argue productively with you.
In fact, there are 4 behaviors tied to arguing that almost always lead to divorce.
- Stonewalling (the classic silent treatment)
Learn more about them, why they can destroy your marriage in a recent article. I not only go in-depth, but I give you proven strategies on how to stop them either in yourself or your spouse.
5. He asks for your opinion
When you love someone, they should have a place in both your daily life and your larger vision of the future.
Asking for your lover’s opinion is one way to honor this notion. It’s a statement that says they value your thoughts and how their actions affect you matter. Therefore, your husband asking for your opinion is another proven sign that he loves you.
Small matters like changing a hairstyle, buying new clothes or switching ice cream brands obviously don’t call for a big counsel with you. But perhaps you’ve felt hurt by plans made without you, impulsive big purchases or an apparent lack of interest in your input about these issues. This is behavior that certainly deserves some examination and discussion.
6. You hear from him throughout the day
Staying in contact is critical in any successful marriage.
We often need to work as a team with our partners. This is especially so if children or other family obligations get thrown into the mix. But beyond this, contact serves another very important purpose. It lets you know your partner is thinking of you.
If the only messages or calls you get are exchanging information, that’s great! You’re with a considerate husband who makes sure you’re on the same page.
But better still would be text messages or calls for no reason at all. “Hope you have a nice lunch,” “how’s your day going?” or “Good news! …” messages are all signs of a heart filled with affection for you.
7. He likes spending time with you
It should go without saying this but, make sure you actually enjoy spending time with your partner.
This may seem obvious but there are plenty of couples out there suffering in quiet desperation. We’ve all seen couples with seemingly little in common going through the motions, stifling boredom and silent resentment. Don’t be that couple.
If your man doesn’t enjoy your interests or hobbies, by extension, they one day won’t like you much either.
And the opposite is true, too. Hopefully, you’ve done the smart thing and made sure you’ve got some common interests before entering into a committed relationship. If not, now is the time to branch out and try something new. Explore your partner’s hobbies, ask them to join yours or discover something totally different together.
Find ways to make your relationship grow, the sake of your futures may depend on it.
In a recent article, I get into how to keep your relationship growing and stop it from getting stale and boring. And if it already has reached that point, I talk about getting out of that rut.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
8. He takes an active interest in your life, friends, and activities
He has his friends and you have yours. He does his thing with his friends while you unwind with yours. Nothing wrong with this scenario at all. But, there should be limits to this kind of compartmentalization of your social lives.
Most people’s friends and interests are an integral part of their identity.
To not at least try to meld into each other’s social lives is a misstep at best and planting a seed of catastrophe at worst. Not enjoying each other’s friends is a bad sign. Those people are a reflection of what your partner values and what they can accept.
If your husband makes no attempts to connect with and accept your friends, it is a rejection of one aspect of you.
Anyone with their sights set to the future with their partner should at least try to be involved with their social life. Not everyone is going to get along perfectly and some people may never become great friends. But just making the attempt and respecting you and your life is a total necessity.
9. You still catch him checking you out
- Light touches throughout the day
- A hand on the small of your back as he reaches for something
- A gaze up from the phone to watch you pass by
All of these should leave you feeling good about yourself. And more importantly, this means you can rest easy knowing this is a sign your partner still loves you and thinks you’re as attractive as ever.
10. Sex is still a priority (and still good)
As couples age, take on new responsibilities and the relationship matures, your life in the bedroom might seem a bit less active than it used to.
How often do couples have sex as they get older?
I break it all down with statistics and hard facts in a recent article. I look at the average frequency in different age ranges as well as the one thing that tends to kill a formerly good sex life.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
But a little bit of a slowdown is totally normal. We start relationships in a kind of frenzied state thanks to love’s feel-good chemical release. Eventually, we acclimate to our partners and level back out again to normal, whatever that may be for you.
That said, there are a ton of links between a healthy relationship and a good sex life. Keep in mind one begets the other and they correlate in both directions. Sex can serve as a bonding tool, a display of affection or even a way to make up after an argument.
Studies show that people who pay attention to their lover’s sexual needs report being more satisfied in the relationship as a whole. Satisfying sex can even help unrelated communication problems.
So, if you’re past the honeymoon stage and your husband still initiates and tries to satisfy you, you’re doing great.
11. He talks about your future together
Most humans are simple creatures.
It seems we tend to think and talk about what concerns us at the present moment. It might be as banal as what’s for dinner, or our latest Netflix bender. But in a strong relationship, some of those thoughts should be about you. A husband who never mentions the future, or fails to include you in those plans is a bad sign.
If he’s not thinking of your shared future, it might mean he’s not thinking of you either.
Mentioning you in his future is one big sign he still loves you. Getting a random text message from our partners and being included in his vision of the future are both indicative of one important fact – he is thinking of you.
Of course, a long stretch without talking about the future isn’t a bad sign by itself. But it could be cause for concern if some of the other boxes on this list are ticked as well.
If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on how to Mend Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.
12. He’s willing to be vulnerable with you
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is essential to build a meaningful connection with someone. It is a leap of faith hoping you will cushion the fall rather than step aside. A brave act for the vulnerable one, certainly.
But it’s also a sign of trust in you.
Most are not willing to take a chance to reveal themselves to someone who will probably hurt them. So continuing to be vulnerable is a meaningful display of their faith in you. It is a display that you understanding them fully is important to them. It’s an endeavor that takes a lifetime.
If the effort or trust in this fades, it could be a sign he feels unsafe with you or is ready to place that effort elsewhere.
13. He still flirts with you
Playfulness and charm don’t have to fade just because you’ve been together for a long time.
Though flirting loses its role as an indicator of interest in a marriage, it serves another important purpose: making you laugh or feel wanted. If these things are important to your partner, flirting is one great indicator of it.
Did I cover all you wanted to know about how to know if your husband still loves you?
It’s never easy to ask if your husband (or wife) still loves you.
It’s a frightening thought that someone we’ve grown to rely on might be fading. But getting to this point, recognizing this pattern and choosing to do something about it already puts you far ahead of a lot of partners out there.
Just remember to consider love as both a feeling and an action. Both of these constantly wax and wane with time. And some lulls in your marriage are expected and totally normal.
Ready to get to work restoring your marriage?
If after reading through the list, you still feel uncertain about your husband’s affections check out my recent article about how to restore a damaged marriage. I get into 31 specific steps that I took when my marriage was on the brink of divorce in 2013. And today our marriage is better than ever!
Just click that link to read it on my site.