There’s arguably nothing worse than that feeling that your spouse is cheating on you. But often it’s hard to be certain of it. So below, I’ve compiled 35 of the worst signs that your husband loves another woman.
Here are the top signs of that:
- He becomes secretive
- His close family & friends start acting differently around you
- He no longer seems interested in sex
- He is on his cell phone a lot more when he’s home
- He’s gone from home a lot more than in the past
But there’s a lot more to know, and those are only a few of the signs.
So in this article, I’ll answer all the top questions surrounding the issue of a cheating partner and the telltale signs of a husband being in love with someone else. But I’ll also detail the top 35 obvious signs to look for. That way you can be more certain of what’s happening.
Then, and only then, will you have enough information to make an informed decision about what to do.
You CAN save your marriage — even after the trust has been damaged.
I’ve been in your shoes. You want to stop hurting. And you desperately want to restore trust, mutual acceptance, and respect to your marriage; whether you were the cheater or the one cheated on.
Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse has cheated.
The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:
“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
35 Crucial Signs That Your Husband Loves Another Woman
1. He becomes secretive
Sudden secretiveness is among the clearest warning signs of emotional cheating. When a previously open husband starts password-protecting devices, taking private calls, or giving vague answers about his whereabouts, trust your gut feeling.
After all, text messages or mysterious phone calls could mean he’s hiding something.
It’s, at the very least, a warning sign. Dive in deeper in a recent article that deals specifically with what it means if your husband hides his phone. But I also get into some not-so-sneaky ways to find out the truth.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
2. His family members or best friend starts acting differently
When family or best friends suddenly seem uncomfortable around you, they may know his secret. Watch for awkward behavior at family get-togethers or mutual friends avoiding eye contact.
People close to your husband often become unwilling confidants about his romantic interest in another woman, creating this emotional distance.
3. You see a lot of calls and texts to a new number in the call logs
Checking phone records showing repeated calls/texts to an unfamiliar number is a clear warning sign. While job changes might explain this, a pattern of communication with an unknown contact suggests emotional attachment forming elsewhere. Use SlyDial to check the voicemail discreetly.
4. You see a new female friend commenting on his social media accounts
Most of us have Facebook, Instagram, or maybe TikTok or Snapchat.
A new female friend actively engaging on his social media could indicate a romantic interest developing. While some random followers are normal, pay attention when he accepts friend requests from unknown women who then comment extensively on his posts.
That being said, on Instagram, I get followed all the time by young, attractive women that I don’t know and have never met. If their profiles seem inappropriate or are just trying to draw people over to their OnlyFans page, I usually block them. But I get a dozen a week, so usually, I ignore them.
While not a clear sign of anything (could just be a new female co-worker), it could be a good sign if it’s in conjunction with some of these others.
5. You notice he’s buying expensive gifts or spending more than normal on the credit cards
Unexplained expensive purchases or restaurant charges for more than one person on joint bank accounts often reveal emotional cheating. Watch for spending patterns that deviate from his normal habits, especially at jewelry stores or upscale restaurants.
6. He isn’t spending as much time at home
Sudden increases in time away from home using vague excuses about “working late” or “hanging with friends” often signal relationship problems. While not definitive proof of infidelity, this emotional distance is among the clearest warning signs that something has changed.
7. His body language around you is different
When body language shifts from comfortable to awkward, it often reveals internal conflict. A formerly affectionate husband who now seems physically uncomfortable around you may be experiencing guilt about his romantic interest in another woman.
8. He isn’t paying as much attention to you as he used to
Decreased attention to your relationship often accompanies a new romantic interest elsewhere. While many long-term relationships naturally evolve, a sudden drop in attentiveness combined with other warning signs suggests his emotional energy is being redirected.
9. It’s been a long time since he has had or initiated sex with you
A significant decrease in physical intimacy often indicates problems in committed relationships. While health issues like low testosterone can cause this, combined with other signs, reduced sexual interest might mean his desires are focused elsewhere.
Sometimes the cheating husband will keep having sex with his wife. But it will feel more detached and less emotional and intimate.
But more common is a withdrawal from sex, or at least from initiating it.
10. You see evidence of him gaslighting you as an excuse to leave the house
Gaslighting—making you question your reality—often accompanies infidelity. When he claims “I never said that” or treats you like you’re crazy for noticing changes, he’s likely deflecting attention from his own strange behavior.
Dive in deeper on gaslighting in a recent article of mine.
I get into greater detail on what it is, how it gets used, why it gets used, and how to know the crucial difference between that and a simple misunderstanding or remembering a situation differently.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
11. He has less interest in socializing as a couple
Avoiding couple activities with your social circle often indicates guilt or fear of exposure. A husband hiding another relationship typically resists situations where friends might notice his emotional distance or where the other woman might see you together.
12. He becomes forgetful about important things
Suddenly forgetting important dates, anniversaries, or special occasions that he previously remembered signals that his mind is occupied elsewhere. This mental distraction often reveals that his emotional attachment has shifted away from your relationship.
13. He won’t look you in the eyes
Avoiding eye contact is a powerful non-verbal warning sign. Unless he’s always been this way, a husband who can’t look you in the eyes is typically hiding guilt about his emotional or physical involvement with someone else.
So being kind of shifty and avoiding eye contact with you is common with a cheater. You can get over the affair and make your marriage better than ever.
14. He changes the subject quickly when you talk about the two of you
My wife used to love to have deep, state-of-the-art-type relationship conversations.
And to be honest, they were never my forte. But I would do my best to listen and respond when she would initiate them. And I would stay focused and present.
So changing the subject when discussing relationship matters indicates discomfort with honest communication.
A husband involved with another woman often avoids deep conversations about your future plans together because of his divided romantic interests.
15. He starts taking out-of-the-ordinary work trips
When I worked for Whole Foods Market, work trips out of town or state were somewhat common.
But when I ran a martial arts school after that, I only ever did that once. But if I had suddenly started doing that once every couple of months at that point in my career, that would have been a huge red flag.
So new “work trips” that never happened before, especially if colleagues aren’t taking similar trips, often mask time spent with another person. Verify these business necessities with his coworkers if possible.
16. He becomes more critical of you
Increased criticism often masks a cheating spouse’s guilt. By finding fault with you, he attempts to justify his romantic interest elsewhere. Don’t change yourself based on these criticisms—they reflect his internal conflict, not your worth.
17. You catch him in a lie
Catching him in lies, even small ones, represents a breakdown in trust crucial to healthy relationships. While not all deception indicates cheating, new patterns of dishonesty suggest he’s hiding something significant from you.
18. He’s always on edge (more than usual)
Persistent edginess and irritability often reveal the stress of leading a double life. Living between two romantic relationships creates constant internal conflict that manifests as mood swings and tension at home.
19. He gets defensive quickly
As with being critical, cheaters also often get defensive quickly.
After all, they are living a lie and a double life. As I’ve said, unless they are a true sociopath, they are no doubt also feeling a lot of guilt and remorse too.
So if you ask too many questions or raise suspicions, don’t be surprised if he reacts extra defensively.
20. He claims you’re too controlling when you ask him questions
As your suspicions grow, you’re likely to start asking questions. Such as:
- Where were you last night?
- Why are you always working late now?
- What are these charges on the credit card/bank statement?
And those are natural questions to ask, and you have a right to ask them.
But accusations of being “controlling” when you ask reasonable questions like those reflect his attempt to shift blame. This defensive tactic aims to make your legitimate concerns seem unreasonable while protecting his new relationship.
21. His hobbies have changed
Sudden interest in new hobbies might connect to another woman’s interests. While people naturally discover new activities, you should question where and with whom he’s learning these pursuits, especially if they don’t involve his usual social circle.
22. He’s drinking or doing drugs more than usual
The “other woman” is notorious for being younger, sometimes much younger.
But let’s be honest. Any woman who would sleep with another woman’s husband has issues. And sometimes those issues are tied to excessive drinking or drug use.
Increased substance use often accompanies infidelity as the cheating spouse adopts new habits to fit another social group. While not definitive proof, sudden changes in drinking or drug patterns suggest significant life changes worth investigating.
23. Recent physical changes in his appearance
Sudden improvement in appearance—like hitting the gym, new clothes, or grooming changes—often indicates he’s trying to impress someone new. While self-improvement is positive, unexplained motivation for these changes raises legitimate concerns.
24. You see comments from a woman you don’t know on his social media channels
Unknown women actively engaging with his social media posts represents a warning sign, especially when combined with other suspicious behaviors. Regular likes and comments from the same unfamiliar woman suggest growing emotional intimacy.
25. He is less responsive to your calls, texts, or emails
Again, we’re looking for changes in behavior.
If he’s always been slow to respond to you, maybe that’s just who he is. But if he used to send you a few texts throughout the day while one or both of you were at work, and was quick to respond to yours and now is not, that could be a sign.
Again, if he didn’t use to do this, it’s telling you that you are now lower on his priority list. You just have to find out why.
26. You find he has a new “secret” credit card
This one is arguably one of the worst signs.
That being said, it’s hardly proof he’s having an affair. A “secret” credit card is considered financial infidelity. But that doesn’t mean it’s tied to sexual infidelity. It could be due to gambling, drugs, or shopping addiction.
But he’s doing something bad if this has happened.
27. You catch him deleting text messages or call history
Deleting texts or call history indicates he’s hiding communications he knows would hurt you. This deliberate evidence removal shows consciousness of guilt and awareness that his interactions with someone else cross relationship boundaries.
28. He begins to mention the name of a new female friend more than seems normal
Sometimes cheaters drop hints about their new love interest.
As crazy as it sounds, sometimes guys think that if they just casually mention her name occasionally, or even introduce her to his wife, it will somehow lower suspicions.
Usually, it has the opposite effect.
I won’t lie. I cheated on my wife in early 2013. And I did indeed mention her name and even introduced the other woman to my wife. It seems crazy in retrospect.
Or maybe cheaters just are secretly hoping to get caught as at least then they won’t be living the double life.
Luckily in my case, my wife and I chose to work it out and my affair ended about 2 months after it began. Then I began the work to prove to my wife that I was worthy of earning her trust back.
What are the steps I took to do that?
I detailed my exact process in a recent article. So if your husband does come clean and wants to work with you to save the marriage, make sure he’s doing at least some of the steps I outline, or the reconciliation is doomed to fail.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
29. He doesn’t initiate hand-holding or other displays of affection
When we’re out in public with our spouse, it’s common to hold hands, kiss occasionally, or maybe walk arm in arm.
But if he’s feeling conflicted inside about his feelings for you vs the other woman, he may stop doing this. Sure he may allow it if you initiate it so as to not arouse your suspicions. But he’ll stop initiating it.
30. He showers immediately upon coming home
Immediately showering upon returning home can indicate efforts to remove physical evidence of another woman. Unless his job requires it, this new habit might serve to eliminate perfume, makeup, or other signs of physical intimacy before you notice.
31. He has started washing his own laundry (if he didn’t before)
Suddenly doing his own laundry after never showing interest before suggests he’s hiding evidence. This behavior typically aims to prevent you from discovering perfume scents, lipstick stains, or other physical indicators of close contact with someone else.
32. When you do have sex, he does something he’s never done before
New sexual techniques often come from new partners. If your husband suddenly introduces bedroom activities never previously discussed, question where he’s learning these approaches, especially if combined with other warning signs of infidelity.
33. He starts being overly nice or attentive
Becoming overly attentive or nice can mask guilt feelings. While positive attention seems beneficial, dramatic behavioral changes without clear motivation often indicate compensation for wrongdoing rather than genuine emotional intimacy.
34. They become more jealous than usual or accuse you of cheating
Accusing you of cheating often reflects his own infidelity. This psychological projection transfers his guilt onto you, making his emotional attachment to someone else easier to justify while distracting from his own questionable behavior.
35. You just know it intuitively
We don’t always get definitive proof, and that’s frustrating.
But sometimes we just have to trust our gut and go on instinct. So if deep down inside you just know something is wrong, despite the lack of clear evidence, there probably is something wrong.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a married man love his wife and another woman?
Yes, a married man can feel torn between his wife and another woman due to limerence – an intense but temporary infatuation. This internal conflict creates emotional distance at home.
Unlike healthy long-term relationships, these romantic interests thrive on fantasy rather than reality, which is why most affairs eventually lose their shine.
Dictionary.com describes limerence as:
the state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person
What do you do when your husband loves another woman?
If your husband loves another woman, seek professional help immediately. Couples counseling can address emotional distance and romantic attachments before they destroy your committed relationship.
Avoid confronting the other woman or begging your husband to return – these reactions typically backfire. Instead, practice honest communication about your feelings while working on self-improvement.
What makes a man leave his wife for another woman?
Men leave marriages when they believe the new relationship fulfills needs that their marriage doesn’t. This often involves deeper emotional intimacy rather than just physical attraction.
Relationship experts note that affair partners seem more understanding and supportive during the early days of romance. However, only 25% of cheaters actually leave their wives for these emotional attachments.
Check out all the surprising and shocking infidelity statistics in a recent article. I get into all the numbers, but I also share how many men cheat versus women, and how long the affair is statistically most likely to last.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
How do you know when your husband stops loving you?
When love fades, emotional distance replaces intimacy. Your husband stops initiating date nights, gives less attention to your conversations, and seems distracted during time together.
Physical intimacy declines while his phone becomes a barrier between you. These warning signs reflect his emotional attachment shifting away from your committed relationship.
But in truth, there are actually 13 key ways to know if your husband still loves you.
Luckily, I get into all 13 in detail in a recent article. I dive in deep on each one and share the 1 sure-fire thing you can do to prove whether he still loves you or not.
Just click that link to read it on my site.
Why did my husband choose the other woman?
Men choose affair partners because they experience limerence – an intense but unreal emotional attachment. This obsession makes them believe they’ve found their soulmate when they’re actually seeing an idealized version.
Unlike committed relationships with honest communication, affairs thrive on fantasy without the real-world challenges that test emotional intimacy and reveal true compatibility.
How can I attract my husband back?
To win back your husband, focus on rebuilding yourself rather than confronting him. Invest in your mental health, appearance, and personal interests rather than begging or arguing.
Create emotional distance that makes him curious. Relationship experts suggest this first step works better than desperate attempts at reconnecting because it builds genuine attraction instead of pity.
Final thoughts
So I’ll leave you with this.
Nothing is certain, and even if you can see all 35 of the signs I just mentioned, that’s not completely definitive proof that your husband is cheating or in love with another woman.
But it does significantly increase the likelihood of that being the case if you’re seeing a lot of those signs.
So trust your gut, but also look at the facts. And also know that even if your husband is cheating and in love with the other woman, that doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your marriage.
You CAN save your marriage — even after the trust has been damaged.
I’ve been in your shoes. You want to stop hurting. And you desperately want to restore trust, mutual acceptance, and respect to your marriage; whether you were the cheater or the one cheated on.
Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse has cheated.
The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:
“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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