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Why is My Wife Never Happy No Matter What I Do?

By: Author Jeff Campbell

Posted on Last updated:

Categories Save Your Marriage

There is nothing worse than seeing your wife sad or upset. And it’s frustrating when she’s like that seemingly all the time. We all go through bouts of unhappiness, but have you wondered, “why is my wife never happy no matter what I do?”

An unhappy wife may feel that she has more on her to-do list than what is fair for the marriage. But she may also feel a lack of respect from her husband, particularly if she is not consulted on big decisions. Finally, she may feel she has to compromise too much on her goals while supporting her husband’s goals.

Ultimately, your wife is responsible for her own happiness.

But if she suffers from low self-esteem, body image issues, anger, or depression, you can be there to guide and support her when she needs you.

Sometimes it seems like anything we do just doesn’t help.

In this article, you’ll find everything you need to know about helping your wife find happiness again.

Let’s get started.

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What do you do when your wife is not happy?

A husband cannot make his wife happy. But he can help her understand what the root problem is and help support her in addressing that. Listen more than “fix”, empathize, and be caring and supportive.

The truth is that you can’t make your wife happy. You don’t have the power to make her happy or unhappy. Only she can do that.

But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.

You can and should listen to her and try to understand where your wife is coming from. Listen closely without dismissing her or defending your actions.

Try to understand why she’s not happy and give her time and space to work through it. If you aren’t sure why she’s unhappy, ask her! Talk to her about it. Try to put her unhappiness in your own words. This is validating for her and shows that you really care about her feelings.

While you can set the stage for happiness, you can’t make her be happy.

It is completely normal and healthy for couples to have small fights every day in a relationship. It’s not the frequency of your fights, but it’s how you fight that makes the difference.

Read this recent article to read about how some behaviors can damage your relationship and lead to divorce.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

Is my wife sabotaging our marriage?

A wife may unintentionally sabotage her marriage if her childhood was chaotic. While she knows chaos isn’t healthy, there is comfort in the familiar. So, sometimes we create drama or do damaging things as it feels familiarly comfortable.

Sabotaging behavior actually creates problems out of nothing in an attempt to ruin a relationship.

If your wife is constantly picking fights or paying more attention to her phone than she is to you, she could be sabotaging the marriage.

She may be secretive, critical, or even simply not taking care of herself.

She may ignore your perspective entirely during disagreements. For example, if you suggest that she watches her spending and immediately snaps back about your season football tickets without hearing you out first, that could be a problem.

She may be overly sarcastic or doesn’t connect with you on a daily basis. Is she actively avoiding you, or is she just really busy at the moment?

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t let these behaviors torpedo your marriage. 

Talk to her openly about what you’re seeing and try to get to the root of the problem. Don’t try to make the relationship work all by yourself. A one-sided effort can’t improve a problem-plagued marriage.

Don’t be aggressive or defensive, but approach her in a way that is caring and comes from a place of genuine concern.

Don’t let her assume she knows what you are thinking. Be clear with your thoughts and needs, too. Don’t leave any room for interpretation.  A relationship takes two people to make it work. You should never be alone in keeping your marriage afloat.

What makes a woman unhappy in marriage?

Financial worries, feeling neglected, not getting enough support on housework, and arguing too much are just a few of the things that make wives unhappy. But if she is a stay-at-home mom, that can sometimes leave women feeling unfulfilled as the children get older.

Women give everything to make relationships work. Oftentimes, at the expense of losing themselves.

The problem is that they often expect the same from the men in their lives. So when husbands don’t do as much, or when they don’t appear to care as much, it can cause frustration.

High, even unrealistic expectations, along with financial worries, arguing, or drinking excessively, can really make a woman unhappy.

While you can’t do anything about her expectations, you can look inward to see what you can change.

Could you do more with the kids? Are you working together to tackle that debt? Can you stop drinking as much? These are all things that you can control and change if necessary.

Simply spending more time doing regular household chores can show that you are really trying. If you really want her to be happier, show her through your actions.

Maybe your relationship has just lost the passion that used to be there. 

You can restore your marriage by taking 100% ownership of your mistakes. Know that being happy is more important than being right.

Just read this recent article to see how setting aside a little time every week to connect without kids, phones, and other distractions can restore intimacy in your marriage.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

There, I provided tips to improve your marriage that doesn’t require a ton of time, energy, or money.

How can I make my miserable wife happy?

You alone cannot make your wife happy or unhappy. But if she is miserable, start by listening and asking her how you can help. If she has issues with you, avoid getting defensive and try to understand her perspective.

So, be the catalyst that helps her reach happiness.

It’s normal for us to feel unhappy and alone, even though we love our spouses deeply. It’s not necessarily a sign that something is wrong with the marriage.

The number one thing you should do is communicate.

Many spouses find joy simply in being listened to. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything she says, but she should be your focus when she’s talking.

Put away the cellphone, leave work behind, and listen with your full attention.

You can also be attentive to the little things she enjoys. Make her coffee in the morning, or stop by her favorite bakery while you’re out running errands. Send her texts just to let her know you’re thinking about her.

These little things go a long way in making people happy. 

Express interest in her thoughts and feelings. Ask questions about her day, and then ask follow-up questions. And divide up the household labor. Actually listening to her and following through with her requests will help her feel heard and understood.

If you are already doing all that you can to ensure the marriage is as communicative and loving as possible, there may not really be anything you can do.

If the source of her unhappiness goes beyond the every day, or seems to never ease up, suggest she see a counselor. Sometimes we just need an objective third party to talk to.

What does every wife need from her husband?

Along with contentment, security, and stability, a wife needs to feel like her husband is always on her side. He doesn’t need to always agree with her, but they need to operate as a supportive, caring, and attentive team.

Women aren’t that mysterious.

They need the same things men need. They need to feel a sense of contentment. They also need security and stability in a marriage.

Security in a relationship doesn’t just mean physical security. Yes, they want to feel safe with you, but wives also need financial security and emotional security.

You need to be financially responsible. You need to have a good head on your shoulders, and you need to be there when she needs someone to talk to.

Then, you actually need to listen.

Wives need to know that they can trust their husbands. You need to be where you say you are going to be, and you need to be honest about everything.

Sometimes, wives may even need a confidence booster. It can be hard to see your wife in pain, particularly if that pain stems from low self-esteem or confidence issues.

Everyone struggles with confidence issues from time to time. Sometimes it seems like all of our love, compliments, and sweet nothings amount to exactly that: nothing.

Just read this recent article to find everything you need to know about giving your wife more confidence, ending the self-deprecating questions, and even how to help her realize just how great she truly is.

Click the link to read it on my site.

What do you say to an unhappy wife?

Acknowledge that your wife is unhappy in a caring way. And listen attentively while she explains what she is unhappy about. Avoid the urge to “fix” the situation, and also avoid getting defensive. She may just need to feel heard.

If your wife has expressed that she is unhappy, whether through actions or words, the most important thing you can do is talk to her.

Your wife wants to talk to you, but more than anything, she wants you to ask.

Gently ask her what’s going on. Tell her that you are worried about not only her but the relationship.

Obviously, you’re worried. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. So tell her that you’re concerned about how things are going and that you’re worried about how unhappy she’s been.

Then, really listen to what she says.

If she points out your deficits, keep a lid on your defensiveness. Instead, try to see things from her point of view. I’m willing to bet her complaints are not completely unfounded.

Tell her you will do better. But don’t just tell her, actually do better.

Ask her what she needs from you. Be sincere and kind. If you feel like you have unmet needs, try to put them aside, at least temporarily. Once her needs are met, she’s more likely to meet your needs in turn.

If your wife is quick to anger, her unhappiness comes from a deep feeling of exhaustion or frustration in the marriage. She is not feeling heard or supported by her husband.

To read more about why your wife gets so angry, check out this recent article. Sometimes anger is easy to understand. But sometimes women bottle up little things, and then collectively, over time, they grow to something big, and then she’ll explode.

Just click the link to read it on my site.

What is walk away wife syndrome?

Walk away wife syndrome is when your wife suddenly stops complaining, even though nothing has changed. She may be ready to walk away from the marriage. Simply put, she has given up on you and the marriage.

You know all the things your wife complained about? You weren’t romantic enough, you never helped wash the dishes, you didn’t help with the kids enough?

Have you started doing any of those things? Has your wife stopped complaining? If your answer is no, but she has suddenly stopped complaining, she’s probably thinking about leaving the marriage.

You may think that it’s a good sign that she’s not complaining anymore.

But it’s really not. This just means that your wife no longer thinks it’s worth trying anymore. She’s just done. She’s checked out of the relationship.

Other signs of Walkaway Wife Syndrome include throwing herself into work, caring more about her appearance, or emotionally distancing herself from you.

She likely won’t go to marriage counseling and doesn’t talk about therapy at all. She’s hanging out with her friends more than planning a future without you.

At the end of the day, wives will end their marriage due to walkaway wife syndrome because they feel emotionally neglected and have given up on the marriage.

Final Thoughts

If your wife is perpetually unhappy, dig deep for the source.

Is it because she’s feeling emotionally neglected? If that’s the case, you need to take a look at your own behavior. If not, it could be that she is suffering from depression or low self-esteem. If she is suffering from an actual mental health disorder, help her get the necessary help.

Ultimately, she is responsible for her own happiness. But you should ask yourself what you can do to help point her in that direction.

Jeff Campbell
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